Unleash the Inner-voice.

New Blog, New Rants

2011-03-18T21:20:00.001+08:00

So I kept my words, and shall now with love, place this site aside, and make way for

puravidaescape.wordpress.com

A thought....

2011-02-08T16:58:00.003+08:00

"Thought is no longer theoretical. As soon as it functions it offends or reconciles, attracts or repels, breaks, dissociates, unites or reunites; it cannot help but liberate or enslave. Even before prescribing, suggesting a future, saying what must be done, even before exhorting or merely sounding an alarm, thought, at the level of its existence, in its very dawning, is in itself an action-a perilous act."

— Michel Foucault

The Time is Coming..

2011-01-31T18:19:00.002+08:00

..for me to leave and get lost in the unknown, again. I am thinking of starting a new blog to record my journeys. So, let's see.

Evidently, i Stopped writing, and its probably because there was no plot in mind except for the reality of living.

It's always been about writing for the Self, though secretly, I admit that i'm aware that once u have a blog,you automatically have an audience that u don't have control of.

My answer to that is that i really never gave a shit in the first place, about people's judgement/perception. Only the ones i care for,i guess.

By end February, I'll be stepping foot into an ambiguous zone, and in order to discover the PURPOSE of it all, only time will tell .

What went wrong?

2010-09-20T12:15:00.001+08:00

Having to be told to be in the moment, is a sign of my disconnection.

A Reminder that you're Alive

2010-09-18T10:00:00.002+08:00

In a strange sick way, pain is what reminds us that we are most alive-be it physical,mental or emotional. And if we are able to adapt to this concept, things will get better :)

Hello, Truth

2010-09-14T14:18:00.001+08:00

I checked into hotel Reality last night, and woke up in another world.

Transtioning into Clarity

2010-09-13T01:42:00.005+08:00

Did you find yourself stalled in this fragment of time, when you find yourself clogged up in an infinite array of questions?
And try with alll your might to find a resolution-an answer that will supposedly reach a finale?
I wonder, about those rare moment we get tangled with, where we become so uncertain to the next steps, due to the battle between the mind and the emotions. This battle, is linked to the notion of 'connection', instinct- when we detect some form of certainty,sparked out of no-where, should we really act upon it?
When you find yourself lured into a situation that ignites inner undefined,emotions, are we really suppose to follow-up with immediate actions, before the moment passes?
Remember that time,when you met a stranger in the most unusual scenario, and then felt like you had just encountered the most intense vibration of a connection that is perfectly alligned in that spilt second?
What did you do?
Did you react,and made sure you made full use of fulfilling a desire?
I find it disappointing to see how we are absolutely willing to let go of a supposed precious moment, in defence of emotion and scepticism, where we remain in disbelief of the possiblity of utopia. We reject the idea of serenity, only because we were trained so very well to realize the necessity of hardship and pain, the case of not attaining our dreams-because that it's what keeps us in balance,and in line with what the imperfections of life are suppose to contain.
I think its sad, that you had to forgo the opportunity of ultimate highness, and just disregard a particular moment due to our caged -up mentalities. We are led to think that we should't reach the peak,without suffering. We are not suppose to attain higher level of awareness, because doubts are needed to be there, for the sake of sanity.
Well, I think this itself, will drive me up the walls, and straight into the state of being JADED.
I don't care what society says,and that is a scary thought sometimes. Detachment is ideal but a tough task to pursue most times, but we seek for it anyway.
I reckon its time to leave it up to you, whether or not you will step up and take the desired actions at those parcticular moments where it feels most right, and just do it..
because if its not now, then when?

Say it in a Song

2010-08-12T10:52:00.002+08:00

One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away
Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razorblade

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief
Ten days of perfect tunes
The colours red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you
You knew the hand of a devil
And you
Kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats in one night

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

The Knife - heartbeats / Jose Gonzales - heartbeats

Tired, drained.

2010-08-08T13:47:00.002+08:00

When we get sucked in so much, that we get out of it in complete disorder?
All that we think is a product of our imagination,
It's like a fairy-tale,a story you craft for yourself,
and we tell ourselves that the only way to justify,
is by sharing them with others that keeps us believing,
that we maintain responsibility for an occasional reality check.

We forget

2010-08-08T13:40:00.003+08:00

..that we should hold zero expectation on others, because it goes all down-hill from there on. Its either you reach infinity and connect on unimaginable levels, or be disconnected by clashing into a wall.
that barrier we see in others, why do we have this sick desire to want to break it down?
is it because we are drawn to the excitement of the unknown, or do we succumb to a sense of satisfaction when we reach to conclusions?
when one question continuously ends up into another question mark, are we in the end of the day caught in a loophole?where those sudden moment of inspiration is merely a momentary answer, that keeps us in place in that short period of time.
I could go on really, but why would one have the strength to endure all these branched out thoughts?
Why do we bother seeking for the same answers, over and over again?

Control

2010-08-08T13:37:00.002+08:00

Let's try to take a moment to pause for a second, for this split millisecond, i'd like to draw out my thoughts, and somehow try to make sense of it.

In the event of Loss.

2010-07-20T00:55:00.004+08:00

Lately strange events has been taking place, striking unwanted emotions we hoped so much to never endure. I have always imagined what it would feel like having to deal with time and the way it claim lives. With age, comes the moment where we would have to mark unexpected endings. Everyday we tell ourselves to live as if there will be no tomorrow, and so we react by fulfilling our desire and dreams.
But then the day comes where we witness the ones we care for, face the pain of loss. Standing by their sides, you mourn in silence for the end of one life. How do they breathe through the days with the mysterious feeling of emptiness?How does it feel to wake up and think that you can no longer have contact with that one person?
We console ourselves to be strong,to fight for survival because that is a part of living. Is it the art of forgetting that helps us get by? Epiphanies that we discover to keep us moving along.
Eventually,we get weak and find reasons to have that special one as a part of who we are. Companionship, becomes a technique to overcome loneliness. Even though we secretly know that we'd really all end up dying alone anyway, then why do we bother to make all these efforts to Love? It's really strange to see how these mechanisms work within our senses.
I find far too many moments where I become extremely uncertain to what i know, or at least what I think I know. Perhaps this is what growing up really is all about- discoveries for more of the unknown, realizations with constant amendments to its Truth.
Is there really a truth out there anyway? The problem with such ambiguity is that you take on any journey that lies ahead, following a flow that makes sense at present time. There shall be no right or wrong to decisions, but instead consequences that you take on with neutral judgment.
Many times I think I am crazy, but then I don't even know what crazy should really mean. But I do feel this high frequency of emotions, triggering every part of my 'sanity', and traveling through realities that I know nothing of.
Is it all merely a state of mind?

Penha, Brazil 2010

On that Verge.

2010-05-08T18:43:00.001+08:00

They call it a 'state of limbo', but I wonder if it's still a limbo when it has lasted for 1 month. In an ideal world, this state of confusion, transition, adaptation should be over within a short period of time because as it is, life is way too short to waste time on uncertainties.
No matter how hard you try to be the puppet master of the self, this art of control becomes rather tedious when it comes to building perspectives.
I don't care what the majority tells me about decision-making processes, but i'm tired of analyzing. I'm tired of thinking and feeling, which means i am tired of BEING.
Is it even possible to feel neither?
I'd say yes.
The problem is not how to achieve it, but how to prolong it. You know those seconds that you encounter, when nothing else matters;not what you feel,or think, but merely that one particular moment. It's like this blankness you endure,and all that matters is there and then, now and here.
Forget the past and future and just BE present.
But how do you BE when you're in a continuous relationship with different time-lines?
This balancing act becomes off-balanced when you're constantly trying to create leverage between the wants and the supposed.
I guess its rather hard when you resort to routes that you were never really sure of in the first place. Why should we feel this constant struggle to FIT IN to something?to belong?
I know "Freedom" is subjective, but since its relative, it should be easier for us to craft it,right?

Tech-Savvy

2010-05-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

GOT YA!!
aha!
take that,you censorship devil!
I actually missed my blog!what a loser comment.

...........back to my emo-state-of-mind:

I am in a world so unknown that every now and then, I crack into a smile as though it was a form of humour. I am roaming around this strange land that is making me strangely connected to "home". I still don't know what it is, but it seems like I find ways to identify that sense of comfort, as though its a form of longing for something that is not even there.
I don't remember feeling this way 2 months ago when I was in South America. Biased perspective? For sure. At least I'm aware of it. And here I am participating in this monologue as though I need an audience. I guess what i really do need is a reminder to what I had found in all my ventures and more importantly, to not forget that energy I had found and changed these way of living that had kept me bounded.

Far-fetched.

2010-02-22T21:53:00.004+08:00

It's rather comforting to think that the universe sends you these signals, and spotting them is a form of guidance into the right state of mind. Coincidences are relative, but its just so much nicer to make meaning out of them as though its a mathematical equation that will eventually lead to the right answer ======== ?

I also see it as weakness, that we feel the need to be consoled. We need to know that life is not oblivious and that everything else around us are actually connected and complements each other.
Every action made is relevant to the consequences after.
I'd like a reset button, i'd like several buttons, all these switches that gives me a point of termination.
one button to reset all my senses of "logic" and "reason".
another button to reset my "emotions" that never needed explanations.
Other buttons for the system, believes,faiths, religion, society, truths, rules. ...
..everything. almost like rebirth, but far from what we had ever known.
How crazy would that be?All i can think of is some sort of explosion, due to overwhelming awareness.
I'd also like one 'replay' button, that will give me every second of my past experiences. It seems that these flashbacks that we depend on are segmented and thus, our memory is not reliable after all.Think back about some of your favourite moments, and try to recall the details within that particular hour. Time is such a tricky game that constitutes our entire being. i wonder, where are all those seconds and minutes that we were once present in? Why can't i remember how i felt?Or what i thought? Are we secretly capable of time travel?
I wonder.

Older,Mature.Wiser.uhuh.

2010-02-04T21:39:00.004+08:00

Rock music in Montevideo by the sea..outdoor music festivals are the best. we need more in malaysia :(

All this hard work of learning and discovery gets me thinking about all those the years we spend from the day we were born till the very present. Every time we think we know something, that we have learned from our experiences and will use it for the better of tomorrow, it easily becomes worthless. One moment you´re aware of your life and the world and how you want to live, and the next? you go back to a different beginning of your aimlessness. I don´t know if its because its easy to forget, or rather because Change is prominent in our lives. I worry about getting old, not merely for physicality but also for our ways of succumbing. I look at our parents or the elder ones and how they live their lives, and i can´t help but wonder, had they forgotten their desires and chose to succumb?
DId they lose out on the big game and gave in their souls to the mechanisms of society?
Or am i about to discover that life is just the same and that all these differences i imagine is merely a state of mind?

Old cities are the best to discover:Mural in Montevideo

And then when we travel, we see different perspectives and thus,different ways of growing old...of living. that´s when I am reassured that there is possibility to choose a life that you want to live. you just have to have the balls to do so.To not feel the pressure of being out casted. To feel strong alone.150 year old Teatro Solis!Amazing building and was privileged to catch a dance contemporary piece in Spanish.

Birthdays are strange.
We celebrate our birth,our existence, but truth be told,i can´t remember how it felt the second I was born. I don´t know if anyone else does. i just know that on this day, I came to earth and began a process of "development".

Lately, these epiphanies i endure are reminding me to go easy on expectations. You see, the excitement of traveling comes when you step into a whole new world as a first timer. thats when your energy is on full charged mode and you are gamed for ANYTHING. Now, when you travel, but to places that is not too far from what you know, or have experienced? The situation becomes different. You are more calm and relaxed, and find steady ways to deepen your experiences. In fact, you have the space to associate it with the surroundings back "home", in which we claim to be a part of who we are.

The pier in Punta Del Este, sunset colours and gorgeous boats. i love how the water reflects light after a certain hour.

So yes,celebrating from a window overlooking the sea of "playa brava" and a hazy dark storm clouded in the skies of Punta Del Este. While the world imagines me to be gushing my heart out with substances and moments. I´m taking it easy this round(well,the day is not over.grin.). Ultimately, celebrating in Sudamerica and that idea itself, is a moment worthy enough.

Nomad

2010-01-27T01:19:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to detect my routines here and i must say,it requires a lot of road trips to different locations for different reasons. The only constant element of this pattern is the fact that i'm living the local lifestyle, just adapting to their culture into my everyday life.
I use to think that 'adaptation' was a part of who I am, because I do it far to well. It scares me to how easy it is for me to come and go, as and when I please. The problem with this cycle is that you will never find something solid,or stationary to depend on. All you really have is you. The Self. The mind being the safety net, and the emotions being the driver. Ofcourse these roles switch every now and then, but when you're far away in a land so foreign from what you call 'home', you somehow allow feelings to break-loose.
Last week, I slept in 5 different beds within 7 days. Sometimes you sink into this state of mind, questioning your ways because you no longer grasp on to rules of living. When you start to query your nomadic behaviour, you'd have to stop because there's just no reason for you to say 'NO' to anything, at this point of time.

Rosario ,Argentina.

It's so easy to decide on destined destinations and it's times like this that you feel so accomplished.
The drive there was amazing because you have to cross this river, Rio Parana, which is like a delta, so huge that it stretches out to more than 10 kilometres! Imagine seeing a river on a highway that takes you above it, all the way till you see the view of sky scrappers from a distance. Crossing one bridge after the other,overlooking gorgeous greenery growing on the river --i was amazed.
Rosario is one of those cities with an enticing beauty born out of the days of colonization, just like most of the developing countries in this world. It's history is evident in the way art is expressed through architecture as well as landscaping. Like every other city out there, it's got the modernization as well as the traditional parts of the city. The European influence is very much evident in the way the city is structured. Most of the locations I wanted to visit were old and were very important during Argentina's Dirty War in 1976-1983.
Societies that had once fought for liberty or freedom due to suppressive governments tend to have after-effects that are rather radical. When I say radical, I mean in ideologies. These ideologies contribute to expressive behaviours of Argentinians, which can be seen on the streets of Rosario.
More importantly, Rosario is the birthplace of Ernesto 'Che' Guevara (whom may be a complete loser to most people) but a very well respected figure here in Argentina, and perhaps, a symbolic propaganda in the eyes of the world too. I visited his hometown, and the people had build a big recreation park in his honour.
I quickly got into my 'tourist mode' and demanded my picture taken with his monument.
What was also intriguing was this old railway station that has been abandoned nearby. As usual, the British had developed railway systems in this part of the world. But to stroll around an old railway station, with grass growing over old tracks, was a nostalgic experience! To just imagine that once upon a time this railway use to be a busy location is quite mind blowing.
Secretly, I had experienced Rosario's night time in a whole different state of mind. It is dirty, messy and old, yet developing, and to me, that makes Rosario even more beautiful.
I'm glad I had my first experience there, despite the shortage of time..
There's just nothing greater than entering a whole new place with no expectations, but just an open spirit, to absorb whatever that may cross your path.

The Simple,simple Life.

2010-01-19T22:55:00.004+08:00

Paysandu - a small town about 360+ km away from Montevideo is a nothing but little surprises for one to discover.
The perfect timing for a journey there would be around evening time, where the sun shines through the stretches of flat greenland, and slowly slips away from the horizon. Yes,i have an obvious fascination for the changing skies, but it is rather hard to not love it,no?
If there was something typical to note of the Uruguayo culture, it would be the image of horses or cows or sheep and the farms. We call it the 'cowboy' image, which is rather Americanized. But i guess that is what folklore tends to portray,historical traces of how mankind use to live within agriculture environments. The coolest thing about road trips is when you spotted random individuals taking a stroll in the middle of no-where, hitch-hikers or even bikers riding out of god-knows-where. It was my turn to drive and I was giving out free thumbs-up to anyone i spotted on the road.Though the roads aren't exactly in the best condition, over-taking large trucks will be a useful skill to develop!

I adore Paysandu, there's just something so simple about it that calms me down. Though it is easy to get annoyed with how slow and inefficient the lifestyle can get, you just end up wondering, 'what's the hurry in the first place?'
If there is one thing that i can learn to be embarrass of being a city girl, is how i feel the constant need to be occupied for the sake of progress. Productivity is key to our daily existence, and it is very much embedded in our functionality. I am learning the mechanisms to my mentality, and what makes me feel better as a human. And I must say, some of the factors can be pretty pathetic.

A weekend getaway on a sail boat reminded me of my overdue desire to own a boat someday. How do i know this?
The moment the boat sailed away from land, a creepy sense of relief and comfort rushed through my body. Packing 'necessities' became rather subjective, compared to the time I had to pack for this entire trip. I bought less than what I had utilized, which was practically a pair of bikini, a top and shorts, and okay,maybe the dress, which i had initially wore to sail away. My toiletries remained handy despite the fact that the boat had no 'bathroom', but only a tiny toilet bowl for immediate needs. After the first night, i used the toilet less and was very,very much acquainted with the river. How unusual it is to feel absolutely liberated to take a bath in the river.Basically, you have a choice of taking a bucket or water, or ideally, to just jump off from which ever side of the boat. AS YOU PLEASE!
I had the stupidest grin in my face in the middle of no-where.

Rio Uruguay. Uruguay River.
You sail up the stream,overlooking Argentina on one side, and Uruguay on the other. It is so easy to feel in control when you can view two countries with one perspective.
I had zero worries and not the slightest sense of Fear during the entire journey. Best of all, the rediscovery of silence was magnificent. When you think you know how it feels to be silent, think again. There are far too many layers of silence that we are not associated with. Worst still, I was reminded of how our lives are filled with distractions on so many levels. The result of emptiness without these distractions is precisely, ONE OF the boundary to a sense of "Freedom"(relative.again)
So if there would be reasons for me to live here in Uruguay, it would be this river, and definitely,DEFINITELY my own damn boat!And I'll be okay.

No-where?Sounds good.

2010-01-12T09:23:00.006+08:00

There are days when the sun forces its way through my skin, while the night surprises me with gushes of chilly wind.
I had a "hippie"(as how you humans would label it) moment last night. A gorgeous drive into the quiet parts of the countryside had blessed me with a kind of darkness I secretly enjoy. The kind where the sky is painted with stars, so refined that you imagined to see the milky way, whether or not it really was, does it matter? I was reminded of the time I was riding in the car to Bam, Iran and had stuck my entire body out on the edge of the window...feeling the air of the desert. How i would never forget that moment.
I love how memories eventually becomes a point of reference to new found experiences.
(Back to the story)
Driving in the quiet side of punta del este would have been scary for the weak hearted, or mainly, anyone who resides in a city with the comfort of electricity.Amidst the dark streets the headlights became a pest to my view as the wind fights its way through my body. I wanted the blackness and the stars and only that like a whiny child. I was on the edge of the window again and despite its familiarity, there´s always a way to love it like a first timer.
Finally arrived the location in pitch dark, and found my way through the sight of candle in white paperbags. Upon arrival, a comedian couple was doing an act and though it was is spanish, i found my way to make sense of their jokes. I thought to myself, how peculiar and different their humour can be.
The magical experience began right after.
If i were to even try to make a link to what it was, i´d say "psyambient" though it may not even be it. A bunch of musicians or spiritual people or actors or magicians or gypsies or whatever you may call it were putting up a performance. And when I put up a video, I will know that its okay that I don´t have the words to describe it. Juggling around with fire was one of the element I can share. Eclectic music, psychedelic colours, hypnotized beings, woman with beard, dude with chained fireball,do-i-sound-crazy-right-about-now?
I don´t have the words for what I saw last night, but I do know that it was merely a preview to my next awakening.
i left the place with a sick sense of relief, and rode back to normalcy.

How many sunsets can the heart take?

2010-01-10T05:35:00.006+08:00

You always dream and yearn for those beautiful moments that happen only on special occasions. How would you feel when your dreams can come true in your everyday life?Would it still feel like its a dream come true when you are granted the opportunity to have it all the time?

The sunsets here in uruguay is mindblowing. I tried to rationalize the reason behind it by looking into map to see where it is located on the globe,analyzing the movement of earth,sun,universe and everything else.
There has GOT TO BE something with the way uruguay is at the most southern part of south america, and ofcourse,how coastal areas have better views of the sun setting into the horizon.

ONE OF the best way to enjoy a typical sunset here would be to gear up with a large and soft comforter, mate(or teh tarik if u must), music, cigarettes(or rollies), and a light jacket. Find a spot that is a little hilly facing the sea,and lay out the comforter. Now that its spread out on the sand,u can just roll around the area to witness the sky and all its crazy colours that changes by the minutes and hour. I would suggest to head out around 8pm and until 9.30pm, and just prepare to be amazed by how the sky can reflect itself onto the surface of the sea.
Looking at these pictures, all the words i have written just dissolves away.
:)

On a side note: do not mess with the uruguayan nightlife!these people go all their out and some of the parties begins as late as 2.30am!!what the hell, that is the time it is almost ending in malaysia! The streets are FILLED with people. It has GOT TO BE the summer crowd, RIGHT?

Beach Life Experience.

2010-01-08T01:20:00.008+08:00

Day 5 : I guess this is how it would feel like if i really lived that ´beach life´.

You wake up only to get ready for the beach,take slow strolls, baking under the sun and having your book and ´mate´(traditional Uruguayan tea) the whole day. My senses retaliated in the first days of having absolutely nothing to do. I finally have evidence to the transition one endures when living in the city and eventually escaping that systematized lifestyle.
When you first open your eyes in the morning to plan how you would spend your day, it´d be surprisingly ´blank´. And when you realize that your days are starting to begin with absolutely no pressure or worries of supposed responsibilities, you find ways or excuses to actually have something to do. That there is proof to how I am so trained to fill my days with activities, otherwise, i´d feel irrelevant or insufficient.
What i have easily accepted is how almost every meal is accompanied by wine. You know that wine is a part of one´s culture when it is locally made and easily available. And mind you, some of the best wines that i have ever tasted is here in south america.

A typical afternoon here would be a lunch session outdoors in the garden. A table with white cloth stretched over, plates, cutleries, wine, fernet(typical alcohol with some traditional herbs), salad, bread, crackers and ASADO (either cow or lamb meat).
How could something this simple be filled with satisfaction?
When you find yourself so far away from home in a place far from what you imagine, its so easy to get ´lost in translation´. You feel the need to memorize every single moment endured. The conflict lies in the reasoning behind it, whether it is truly for the self, or because you want to share it with your other world back ´home´. Whatever it is ,I´ve been told far too often that i´m ´lucky´or fortunate. Though i may not understand what those terms represent, but I guess i´d have to agree anyway.
Hence, Yesterday was a reminder to why I should be.
It started off as a simple desire to take a bicycle ride around the streets of punta del este. You see, i´m starting to understand why this place gets so populated over summer time. When you ride down the streets, the cool breeze is balanced out with the sun light onto your skin. At a good speed you ride pass people who are jogging,driving,drinking mate or just chilling out. I admire the healthy lifestyle they practice here, especially the way they assimilate it with the environment. Nature is loved by all, and you know this when you watch the sunset on your bicycle,riding across the horizon accompanied by the sea shore. This is a place where the crowd encores the second the sun sets completely. Perhaps, the only thing you have in common is your appreciation for something sacred that is unsaid, through words. How good it feels to share a special sunset moment with strangers and just clapping for the right reason;for a good sunset show.

Every time I glanced over to the surface of the sea, I see the sun resting itself above it. The bike ride lasted for hours because there were far too many beautiful places to stop at. I was reminded of Key West when we rode up to the pier where expensive boats floated by the docks. There was even a tiny booth that was set up to sell fresh seafood. Even better, I spotted jelly fishes and a couple of seals hanging around the docks, waiting for left'overs. Call me a newbie but i was in AWE.
What made the experience even more unique was that a marathon was taking place, hence, the main street beside the sea was shut off to vehicles. I rode the bike on an empty street that´s usually jam packed. Fortunate!
Overall, I rode and rode watching the skies change its colours. From the bright sunny day, it dimmed down to a lighter shade,with occasionally purple and pink swirls. I wonder,How could i have not passed out from all the beauty?
Its not even week 1, so i´ll try to keep the bad energy away.
Fear to not have this anymore. Fear of the ending.
Why should we even bother to live without this?

South America-Round 2

2010-01-06T02:56:00.004+08:00

..I have a feeling i´m going to start writing again.
Day 3 in Uruguay and it has been interestingly relaxing so far. My first SA trip was during winter and i must say, being here in summer time gives a whole different vibe. After about 27hours plane ride across the globe, I landed in Montevideo´s new airport. I was impressed with the new architecture and was told that it was merely 5 days since its started functioning. Lucky me, i guess.
After an overnight stay in Montevideo, I ventured my way to Punta Del Este, a very much popular spot during summer in Uruguay.People from Argentina , North of Uruguay and even Brazil will make their way to this place every summer. NO doubt, its beauty will diminish any kinds of question one might have.
Upon arrival the beach was filled with colourful umbrellas and chairs, while people were baking themselves under the sun. Previously, this stretch of beach was empty because it was way too cold. But this time, I´ve never seen so many people on beach since I was in New York´s beaches when summer kicked in. People go frantic especially after winter, to just head out to the sea and be with the sun.
I know Malaysians are suppose to ´be used´to the heat but this sunlight is something else! it pierces way too deep into the skin and within the first day i was out in the sun, i got burnt.
It is easy to see how Punta del este is the playground for the rich, especially when you compare it to the other provinces. People who pay their visits here most certainly have spending capabilities. Logically, since it only comes to live once in a year, prices are marked up!
Living in a quaint little summer house close to the beach couldnt get any better for me. I´m fortunate enough to have this family take me in as a part of their family. Every meal is an enjoyable one for me,especially when the barbecue pit is frequently used.
These people make it look so easy to utilize the barbecue area and it is very much embedded in their daily lives. I cant imagine finding a single home here in South america without a barbecue pit.
What makes it more special is that its a distinctive culture that comes along with it. A meal session (mostly during dinner time) would include vino(wine) or cerveja(beer), meat, queso(cheese) and great companions. Family is such an important element in this society and it just touches my heart to observe their close relations.
The fact that the sun goes down around 9pm is rather peculiar for me. The days are longer and people are seriously just chilling out.
I look forward to whip up some adventures for the next days,and more importantly, to quickly pick up the language to build more connections..........

Let the Whispers Co-exist

2009-10-18T20:52:00.003+08:00

You took the plunge,
into what you had initially imagined to be delinquent.
Once embarked on the journey,
you found no way to look back or forth,
but rather to remain at present.
The problem with these rides,
lies in the way it leaves you in solitude.
All the fast movements,
rushing through so that you're never stagnant.
We keep pacing,
only to forget as well as to be reminded.
I'm starting to hear the beginning of the echoes,
and I'm well prepared.
Simultaneously aware
that these preparations may eventually,
mean nothing when faced with the real situation.
I'm hearing the whispers now,and they're getting louder.
I watched the words move in the form of sound.
I'm sorry but I cannot stop moving.
Forgive the fact that I glance over far too often,
yet throttle full-force ahead.
Pinning down fearless vibes,
only to take in everything with all your heart.

That's a Good Moment right there

2009-10-15T13:26:00.000+08:00

Parting from another Paradise.

2009-10-13T13:27:00.003+08:00

People tell me that I'm privileged to have seen and been to the places that I have visited. I often see this particular look in their eyes when they say these words to me. My weakness is that I search for this other look of understanding because I want to share what I had felt.
I question that search all the time, with all these contradicting thoughts.
A lot of times I'm not sure what it means to 'work hard' in our daily responsibilities. But I feel the struggle of desire and want, which is perhaps the essence of this effort we endure in our everyday lives.
A recent spontaneous decision had brought me back to the feeling of greatness, where the word 'paradise' was re-defined yet again. I've been labeling far too many places 'paradise' and I continue to seek for other forms of expression for those sacred destinations. Will I ever reach this one fine day that Paradise no longer strikes my attention?
I highly doubt that.
Forget conventional talks about astrology,but I'd like to pick out one element about Aquarians whereby they are absolutely drawn to water. I don't know how true this means of categorization may be, but I really believe in that theory. Once again,its feelings that I don't have words for.

I've always had a good balance for discipline aside from my aimlessness. When I space out(as what people always claim of me) I find my way back here to this so-called reality. But I have been procrastinating like never before, and taking my responsibilities with far too little care. I can't help but think,that maybe these duties of mine no longer makes sense to me. they are no longer important because there's just so much more out there to live for. Sure, I've been told that it's all just a phase and soon enough as age starts to catch up, I'll forget this mentality of mine and succumb to the majority.
I'm sorry, but that there, is my struggle,my fight in this life. To be able to live in the way that I want to live,regardless of the warnings and do's/don'ts you claim I should follow.
How easy it is to live without making these mistakes.How boring our memories will be without these wrong-doings.

I remember how it felt to be heart-broken through human relationships. But have you ever had your heart broken by an experience?
To part away from "such great heights", we put ourselves through it only make a reminder that that's our reason to live.
We break away from all these good moments only to learn to appreciate them on greater extents in future.
We say goodbye, only to find a way to say hello again.

You're environment is so crucial to the way you plan to live, and if we don't realize that..I'd say we're just wasting away the best things that life has to offer. and it's unfortunate that sometimes,we don't learn to be happy for others, as much as we can be happy for ourselves.

I'll get over this framework that seems as though time had stopped. It's pretty great to feel like you're in a vacuum every now and then.

Only then,we remember what it means to feel Alive.

Room Window

2009-09-29T04:32:00.004+08:00

Every evening, anticipate a new masterpiece in the sky. All that's missing from this window view is my beach and mountains.

You're Inspiring.

2009-09-29T04:03:00.003+08:00

I get an odd sense of adrenalin when I encounter individuals who embark on a life mission in the name of passion. All these information I absorb, only to learn, and discover the variable ways people tend to live their lives.
So I'm a listener, not merely through sound and vision, but also through empathy.
It's easy to complicate this connection with emotions, but that's really not the point.

Recently, I've engage in a series of events that made my path collide with another scavenger. Hungry and yearning to make 'living' the best that it can be imagined to be. Those surprise appearance of the previous actors, to new-found candidates, and eventually, the potential participants. All of which carry stories with them. And when these tales make extraordinary sense to you, it's difficult to not be amazed.
Slightly skeptical for not being able to believe immediately, and simultaneously, bearing these conflicted voices that's dying to explain how well we get it.

"I understand what you're saying, and more importantly, I GET IT".
These words are not enough to describe the way I can relate to what you've said. And I guess, I just wanted you to know that.
..and may I quote:
"Every once in a while, it turns out that you say “wow, I got that feeling that I wanted, what I felt when I saw that scene.”

http://momentsoftruth.wordpress.com/latest/

So How do u want to Live?

2009-09-14T02:28:00.004+08:00

Have you ever reached that point in life,where you begin to worry about the insufficiency of Time?
It feels almost like a dilemma, where your uncertainties question the rationale you built as a reason to live. Not merely live, but to live in the best way you could, as well as you can, to endure a sense of satisfaction. It's a feeling of reward when achievements are made.
What if you had always felt matured and wary of your entire being ever since you were born. You were absolutely conscious of every experience until the very day today.
But then suddenly, when you think about tomorrow, and the after years that you have no control of, you can't help but feel hopeless. Not necessarily the negative kind, but rather the ambiguous nausea you get when faced with a situation that you cannot grasp onto. Because it is simply beyond your control.
I'm not going to lie, growing older scares me.
Maybe not so much the numbers, but just the fact that you've lived so much that you're just overwhelmed.
Sometimes far too extreme for the emotions to handle.
I can't help but question, will I have to look back someday to something great that I had let go off? That I had succumb to 'reality' because of all these rules and logic to how the chronology of life events are suppose to be? Had I been too weak that I refused to follow my instincts? It seems that when tied down to a monotonous flow, you get stuck into these recycled thoughts.
Do you ever look to your parents or the othersm and secretly hope that you will never end up like them?
Not because you're insulting their ways, but you'd just rather not end up not knowing how to believe. These state of limbos force you to make sure that you make the best decisions. Choices you perceive as circumstances that you're willing to accept.
Are you going to forget to tell yourself how to live through desires?

Music re-Discovery

2009-08-25T13:01:00.004+08:00

We find different ways to collect music from various sources,only to find ourselves stuck in a situation where you no longer know what you want to listen to. It amazes me to how my gallery of heard and unheard melodies had been unsatisfying for the past weeks. Every time I find something new, which is fairly often, it had not stuck around as long as I wished it would.
Last night, I rediscovered music that shook me to the core.
And I'm listening to them right about now. Call me dramatic, but I get this crazy urge to just break-out into tears just by listening to my new found discovery. I'm so happy and I don't have the words for it and even the weak reaction of 'sharing with the other' is not gonna help. because there's just something about these tunes that speaks to my soul. And excuse my exaggeration, but I'm grateful for this relief.
I can't pretend that these words don't sound corny, but I'm even smiling as I'm typing.
AHHhHhhhhhhh.................~

Rewind,please?

2009-08-23T01:03:00.002+08:00

I wonder, what is it about spreading our arms that resembles this sense of 'freedom'? It's amazing how this action tends to accommodate this undefined feeling we encounter on those rare moments.

I miss it :)

Tranquilized.

2009-08-15T16:37:00.002+08:00

Lately it feels as though I'm living in a vacuum. There are these moments where I engage myself into thinking that I'm on an agenda. That I have something worth pursuing in these seconds and minutes that are supposedly precious. I'm conscious of the fact that it's half past a year and I'm not quite sure where the months had gone to. No doubt 2010 is not something I'm looking forward to. Not because of cynicism really,but as it is, its even difficult to tie down something to look forward to in the next week. All these prep talk of self-realization and acceptance is really not the point. On one hand it seems as though you're living in the past guarded by denial while on the other, you're just stranded when you don't design goals to reach for.
If I could make a report to show the number of situations that reminded me of my uncertainties, it'd probably be a substantial one. Ironically, I'm suppose to be at the stage where I'm wary of my responsibilities to my future.
Well,I'm sorry but It's still bleak.
They are saying that I'm a wishful thinker and that soon enough, I'll be long gone from this phase.
And when I defend my standings, I get thrown back with a sympathetic expression and those I-know-something-you-don't-know-smile, "yeah...We'll see".
I've identified the cause to these never-ending wanders of mine. Everything else becomes a problem when the very core of your believe does not recognize the meaning to what is right and wrong. When everything is justified as questionable, you're basically doomed.
Ofcourse It's easier to believe! Ofcourse!
They are starting to notice that I think everything is an illusion. And as i laugh along with the humour of that perception, I can't help but overhear the voices of worry inside.
This is my battle to deal with perhaps, and as long as I can distinguish the differences and hold up this way of life, I'll be okay.

I hope your Happy..

2009-08-03T10:42:00.002+08:00

..because after all, that IS the point,right? You choose to be alone in order to obtain ultimate freedom in making uncompromisable decisions. To have the liberty to decide solely based on the self, without having to worry about emotions tied to the other. Our supposed prime time is NOW, and if we don't make it happen while we're capable of it, we'd have to wait on something so ambiguous that may end before u even know it.
The sacrifice made is kept inside guided by this mentality that 'its for the better'. Really. And eventually you evolve according to those thoughts and just, make it work. That's our ability to survive, and more importantly, to progress.
So don't wait around for the 'what ifs' that makes it all blurry and just move forward. Any second you develop a sense of doubt, you make sure you run faster to that direction, with all your might and will.
And if you crash,
you'd probably tumble back down between laughter and tears. You decide what it should mean to you.
In the end of the day, a choice you had to make is all you ever have to deal with. Everything after should be a follow up until you reach another junction that requires another judgment from you.

Lately Felt Alived

2009-07-21T03:09:00.005+08:00

Made yet another trip down to the East Coast.Never knew that Kuantan had its hidden beauty, until someone revealed the secret.Its always liberating when you start an early morning journey accompanied by the sun rising skies. Who would have thought that it only takes a 3 hour drive to a more laid-back serene environment which makes you question the congestion encountered in the city.

The unexpected trip to Yogyakarta was an unusual eye-opener. It was a good idea in the beginning to set aside all potential expectations to create an open heart. True enough, the city had brought a reminder to the existence of minority communities that live far beyond what we imagine. We take a step back into what we use to remember of simplicity. The opportunity to come in terms with other beings who strive for their passion brings inspiration to our believes. Our world here is way too small to conclude its sufficiency in our understandings. There's just no reason to why a person should say 'no' to the invites into the best things in life that we tend to forget.
A fragment of time can mean more than a full-length eternity. Experiences that demand re-occurrences.
IT is true that the camera plays a tiny role in preserving these memories. After a while it fades into a blurry state of mind. And because of that, we begin yet another mission of achieving a different version of history.

To-do Lists

2009-06-24T13:41:00.003+08:00

So,I finally sat myself down for a good few hours to calculate what I need before graduation. And when I finally concluded the choice of subjects, my online Monash-portal tells me that I 'failed to re-enrol' myself during the designated dates, and that I should 'contact the Faculty' otherwise you can't pursue the following semester.
Err...
Where did I go wrong again?

Floaty Head

2009-06-21T15:22:00.002+08:00

It's either I've truly succeeded in living within my own little segregated world, or I'm somehow impersonating some kind of acting roles in my so-called reality. Every now and then you hear these comments about you that brings one of those immediate reactions where you go,"HUHHHH????"
Of course, the first thought that we had trained ourselves to believe is to never be subjected to what others may think of us. In other words, to NOT GIVE A DAMN about people's opinion.
We strive very hard for it, but as hard as we try,we know we can't run away from it. This is my theory:So long as I myself have judgements and opinions, I am willing to accept the fact that every other human probably does as well. But this 'acceptance' does not necessarily mean the act of being affected by those opinions. It's really the question of whether you agree/disagree with those ideas, in which it then becomes something you want to negotiated with, by 'choice' really.

It just amazes me how Dad had said,"you're kinda like racist,you only stick to certain kind of people".
I swear,there and then my entire thinking system went *blank*.
I responded by saying it is absolutely not true.But, I'm so glad I didn't get too defensive.Instead, the thought chuckled me a bit.Because I know myself better than that.I completely understood the various perceptions in which his ideas were coming from. But I just didn't see the point of justifying myself,to the point that he would abolish those perceptions. I'm really not planning to 'correct' it.
In the end of the day, how far would you go to defend the self in this world of judgements?

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

2009-06-18T16:39:00.001+08:00

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

Shared via AddThis

Those poor innocent sharks!!!
not only are they murdered but kept frozen to store those goodies?Imagine the desperation in this profit-making-drug-industry to the point of extreme creativity?I mean,I would never imagine to use like dead animals to transport these candies abroad.Seriously,are we humans supporting this market that's maintaining the demand of these goods?
Our addictions are perpetuating the lives of these animals.Private airplanes like in the movie 'Blow' doesn't work anymore, these drug dealers have to come up with bigger ideas.No judgement here for their choice of occupation but seriously, there should at least be ethics in their smuggling techniques.Forget the ethics of selling these snorty powder because its really the choice of people in their consumer habits.
My theory is,Why blame the supply when you,yourself initiate the demand?
So screw you humans, but instead, don't bloody use animals to support your materialistic needs!
*annoyed*
In the end,the table gets turned around again and we humans would be the one suffering the outcome of these unreasonable killings .All those sea-lovers out there will see less of these creatures,what more the sea-lovers of the future?
i don't know man...there should be enough space in this universe for people to fulfill their desires,without the killing of lives.

Dearest Karma,

2009-06-14T22:36:00.002+08:00

I may have repetitively express my disagreements on your existence, but I'd really like to make a special request for this one time event. You see,its my procrastination that has been getting in the way. Its exams month and though the first paper is on the way, I have successfully found myself engaging in a range of other activities that was perceived to be more beneficial than studying. I may be on my way into jinxing my so-called 'luck'. Once again dear Luck, I may not believe in you, but I just felt like talking to you tonight about the exams on Tuesday. I know I've pushed my limit into the last day, and have probably never done this in my life but this time round. Though I very much favour the excuse of emotional and mental breakdowns, I can;t deny that I'm still out there living my days as though I'm normal. I spoke to a couple of mates about this issue, and apparently they pulled through fine.
With that, I know by tomorrow I would have no choice but to start studying. So, tonight I'll sleep in early and hope that by the early morning tomorrow, I will magically wake up and automatically get into the study mode.
If this plan shall fail, I hope you make this one time exception by not entering into this phase of my life. Please go find someone else to play with and I'll promise to buck up eventually.
Thanks!

Funny feeling

2009-06-12T09:52:00.002+08:00

Not the laughing kind,really.
its an odd feeling that twitching in my body and i want nothing more than for it to go away as soon as possible. I guess i just have to wait and let it pass,just like everything else. Find all these distractions and to-do's to fill up these spaces,and hopefully change it into better feelings.

Its never enough.

2009-06-05T18:18:00.006+08:00

It seems no matter how much u travel, the satisfaction is merely momentary. Its so contradictory to how I find peace in the furthest parts away from my comfort zone. And then there are those many times, when I find so much security just staying stagnant here in this little world.

All these beauty I've seen and not have the words to repaint the picture seem to kill me in some ways. why is there a need to share these experiences? Collectively,these encountered moments assist us in these so-called enlightened route. But,there are far too many routes to choose from and then,you just end up taking whatever that comes along.

We imagine ourselves to move with the consequences of every action taken and call it, "going with the flow". maybe we just hate to tie down our options eve when we find one. maybe we love the infinite possibilities out there, that we rather stay lost. We whine about confusion without realizing that we crave for it in the beginning.

We find serenity only to break it for more wearies.
Funny beings we are, especially when we summarize these thoughts and say, "that's just life,right?"
ever so simplified, ever so complex.

*snapping*out*of*it*

Byron bay was magical, even without the good words they had put into that place, I'm pretty sure i would have felt the same vibe as I had. I found a way to believe that there's magic in some places in this world. What was amazing was that, after walking around the town the entire day.I grabbed a bunch of brochures and one particular booklet, which was labeled 'Rusty Byron Bay' (or something like that). There's also pieces about that place that had brought memories of Key west.

After I got back to Coolangatta, i read the booklet,and was so amazed to find a couple of articles in there,written by some of those people who had lived in Byron since they first set their foot there. believe it or not, they crafted words that had described the feeling i had when i was there.

I don't know if its a coincidence, but there's definitely got to be something special there. Because not only in those booklet,but compared to the other description of tourist spots, something similar was always mentioned about that place.
maybe i'm delusional.
maybe it's merely a universal language in the surfer world.
maybe its the hippie-ness that spoke the same emotions.
may.be.

Medicate me

2009-05-15T16:20:00.003+08:00

..for my inability to maintain focus.
..for my constant ability to digress.
i wish i could just go to the pharmacy and find some pills labeled "assignment dilemma".
and just swallow it and then magically type out all these words.
it's a form of sickness,
*grin*
so why not, riggghhhttttt?

May Tiga Belas

2009-05-13T18:20:00.002+08:00

Recently got interviewed about May 13.
Such a happy picture.Don't ask why.
hehe.

clickity-click

I meant a lot of the things I said in there,probably just worded differently. It's pretty interesting to see what this generation has to say about the 'forgotten-incident'. :)

"toleration is over-rated, let's celebrate differences"

Cloud 9

2009-05-12T11:30:00.006+08:00

You just got to love morning-sunrise flights,right?On a recent flight to Kota Bharu, I was absolutely amazed by the view of clouds, as the sun was rising. It was like a layer of white-cotton hovering over the mountains. I could almostt....make a plunge for it. (though i know that the outcome will not be like our favourite-bouncy Care Bears, I'll probably just fall to my death)

ANYWAY, i want to share these pictures.....
..as the plane moved its way up higher,i couldnt help but poke my head close to the windows to spot a blanket of clouds far ahead.
..true enough, we got so close, it was so beautifulll.....untuk melihat"awan berkepul-kepul"..
*dreams away~*

An Awesome Job?

2009-05-12T10:37:00.002+08:00

Pretty similar to that Australia dream job promo lately.Except, this is on a VINEYARD!I checked all the details (and even watched some of the video's by the applicants,hehe). but then I figured that they are only looking for those within the United States.

SO SEDIH, okay.
But come and dream away like how I did:

CLICK

W T F

2009-04-30T19:48:00.002+08:00

Was randomly searching online,typed in "work abroad" on Google and found this in my search results:

Working Abroad - Malaysian Babes Forum

u wanna work abroad or just to get away from msia ? if it's the 2nd option, then register urself to the 'marry msian girls' website lor... they will help u ...
www.malaysianbabes.net/forum/Working-Abroad-t2062.html - 128k - Cached - Similar pages -

seriously?

snuggled up the pillows.

2009-04-27T16:28:00.003+08:00

it gets easy when you find those comfort spots where you lay safe and sound.
regardless whether its relied upon the presence of others,
or the solitary being.
whichever way seems to work because the body gets used to the situation.
we move accordingly, and feelings are never too much.
everything remains familiar and recognized.
some call it the act of hiding away while some finds it the source of its functionality.
when something new strikes along, we find all these excuses to resist its possibility.
it seems that logic and reason becomes a barrier, a disguised theory to our skepticism.
when did we get so afraid of the natural flow of events,
that we have to warn ourselves ever-so religiously
before we take the next steps?

eventually...

2009-04-21T21:59:00.002+08:00

..they walk away..

Mazal Tov

2009-04-09T09:48:00.003+08:00

I remember seeing this couple back in Key West and was absolutely amazed by the connection they had with each other.Not only was it crazy,but i could see the sincerity when they locked eyes. She spoke about making a trip down to Asia one day, which left me in awe! And then finally, the crazy couple made it here.I saw pictures of them in India and then they invited me to meet them in Thailand.Unfortunately I was stuck here back then,i regret not meeting them for sure, but at least i knew they were happy..
It's people like this that gives a warm hug to our faith and believes, not necessarily in hopes of being like them. But simply to witness it before your eyes....
I guess I understand why K got emotionally when looking into the pictures, cause i have to admit, amidst my big-smile was a silent tear of joy...

Congratulation Idit and Joshua, you are amazing individuals combined into a beautiful couple~

Strawberry Fields Forever

2009-04-08T21:53:00.004+08:00

I don't know if it was the year of fulfilling my wants that had led me to these cross junctions, which look like dead-ends to me. All the mental and emotional preparations regarding the predicted consequences were thought to be executed in the best manner. All the strength trained to be possessed keeps disappearing on me.

I remember being greatly affected by the words of Foucault, even till this very day. And then today i encounter yet another moment, which left a bitter-twitch to my face. when you learn about the mechanisms behind the media that we live with everyday, you can't help but wonder; where should you stand within all of these dominance?

Imagine when MTV's profit hit a billion,they knew that their target market was precisely the youth of today. And when along the years the rating went a little further down, (because it seemed that the viewers felt that it was no longer COOL and hence,were not into their programmings anymore), MTV discovered that in order to keep their viewer's ratings on top, they had to figure out what was cool/not cool within the youths of today. Market researchers make extensive studies in determining what these kids actually like or don't. They needed to grasp onto the trends that followed their lifestyles.

It disgust me that the richest of the world are generating their income through the masses. Sure, you can argue that its a form of choice,that people have the liberty of choosing their preference of media materials. But no matter how variable the preferences can get, we will always be serving to the pockets of somebody. Even if you were not just a viewer, contributing to these corporations are merely ways of keeping the system going.
We are functioning their wants, because they claim to function our needs.
Given that our needs can be products of study, where do i place the meaning of my needs?
you can't run away, neither can you be excluded from this entire machine.
you comfort yourself, saying that its okay, as long as I live my life in a way that its meaningful through my understandings..

I remember a friend saying this during the screening of 'Running' at the Annexe, that "it's just easier to pretend that it's not there, to just ignore what is happening".

and then you know what The Beatles sang? "Living is easy with eyes closed"....

Temporary Endings

2009-04-02T12:52:00.002+08:00

..because sometimes its just easier to put an end to these processes you endure,when you never really fully understood the reasoning behind them in the first place.
Its common to be trained into these routines that will eventually lead you to a point where you just want to 'break-free'.
The need for 'escape' only comes around the moment you find yourself so deeply absorb within the world of fulfillment.

..because somehow,when i observe the patterns of my thoughts, the depth is most prominent during times of responsibilities.

..this song.

2009-03-27T14:24:00.001+08:00

Another night
Wonder what is happening
I see inside
Everything's nonsensecal

And we hang from wires of different sizes
Irresponsibly
When we cut the lines
It hurts us more and more

It never happens
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Until you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

This love like glass
Sloding on another pain
I let it pass
To return again and again

Yeah it's never wasted energy
I's all transferrable
We can burn inside
'Till we can breathe again

It doesn't happen
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Untill you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

for those who bothers to listen:
shinichi osawa~state of permission.

Uh-oh.

2009-03-27T14:08:00.002+08:00

-I'm Starting to feel the challenge rise by the day.
-Being a dreamer is costly.
-i should stop dreaming.
-everyday,im more certain about my forest plan.
-key words:village.farm
-money is damn evil
-i need to be more smarter?more creative?
-random note:malaysia airlines is disappointing

A Visitor

2009-03-23T14:51:00.002+08:00

I was in my room on a fairly normal Sunday evening when i heard the shrieks of the ladies in the house.
"there it is,there it is!!",they yelled.
"its going up!its headed there..!" they continued.
And So,curious ol' me decided to take a peek out of my window just to see what the fuss was all about.And then i saw it.I glanced to the left side to see a grey-ish slim-fluffy-long-thing that lingered around the grill.
My eyes followed the fluffy trail,only to discover a almost-human-like face staring back and me.
I was stunned for a moment and took a mini-leap backwards.
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A MONKEY DOING OUTSIDE MY BALCONY?
To join in the fuss, I barged out the room and bellowed,"THE MONKEY IS HERE!OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!"
After which the family made their way upstairs into my room.
While i was waiting for their arrival,i stared intently into the monkeys eyes.Perhaps it was the fact that the monkey had appeared out of no-where that i felt shivers down my spine.I couldn't help but ponder on the possibility of it attacking me,while I'm asleep.
When i looked below the monkey's body,i noticed a waist-band tied around its body.
"So it belongs to somebody",i thought to myself.
The monkey didn't take it eyes off me.I froze,while it started crawling nearer.So close,up until its face was almost pressing onto the glass.
"Hm mmmmmmmmmmmmm...",i thought.
Finally,the gang was all up in my room,and so i switched on the lights outside,which then made a clearer view of the monkey.
(And also,a private part of my room which was rather embarrassing because everyone just stood there,staring into the monkey when my 'secret' object was left there,EXPOSED!!)
ANYHOW,
It was fairly well-taken care of,we thought.I mean,I've never seen a 'dirty' monkey before,but this one sure looked clean.or rather,groomed?
The monkey remained in its position as though it was exhibiting itself under the lights,while we,the spectators continued staring.
After a while,i got bored and said,"maybe if u just switch off the lights and close the curtain,it would eventually go away".
And so we did,and within minutes,it was gone.
It got me thinking,where on earth this this lost-monkey appeared from?Despite the panic that struck the family,i was pretty sure i could see the fear in the monkey's eyes as well.
I mean sure,the human side reacts only by assuming like every other non-human creatures,there's a chance that the monkey might attack.
But then,damn!If i was the monkey,I'd be shitting all over in fear to see all these weird-like faces gawking into my direction.
Safe journey to you,monkey!

7am

2009-03-17T07:55:00.002+08:00

..and my eyes flipped open.
those thoughts have somehow found their way back into my head.
how do i always end up at this point,where my brain is constantly seeking for resolutions.
built upon fragile theories that conclude repetitive solutions.
i learned to forget these thoughts only because they left me no-where.

A Tribute..

2009-03-08T23:05:00.004+08:00

..to the life left behind. 'Paradise' that was not just bounded by a never-ending beauty;the package came with a lifestyle that re-defined my understanding of f r e e d o m. I never gotten around to writing a story about Key West,really because I can't decide where the starting or ending should be. The multiple stories it carries breaks the structure of a complete story. There's just too many details I don't want to leave out because it's those mini tales that shapes the entire experience.

Those walls.

2009-03-06T15:46:00.004+08:00

Once again, it's concluded that those walls were necessary after all. Those who peeked through the tiny cracks seem to have saw something. Something that they had wanted to obtain. something that grew on their desires.
Little did they know that the shining light that caught their attention was only to lead them to an ultimate disaster. It was poisonous and harmful in there. Secrets meant to be hidden, Truth(s) better off disclosed. Had they not realize that the great walls were built for a cause?
Would it have made a difference if precautions had existed in the first place?Perhaps a warning sign should have been posted up along the trails that had led them closer to the wall. One that said,

 "Turn around.Do not come any closer.Danger."

Would they have obeyed, anyway?
Those walls were built for a reason. Because if they had crumbled down, the supposed 'shining' light would pierce through your entire being. And then, YOU would just crumble and fall.

Momentous indeed.How Ironic.

2009-03-02T18:27:00.005+08:00

Port Dickson.

Smoked.
Smoked it.all.away.

The water danced away along with the continuous breeze, resulting to a shimmering light-fest upon the surface of the sea. All four of them sat and stood motionless, gazing into the same beauty, yet drifted away into their respective thoughts. It was as if the sky was calling out for respect, and the gazers did not have to think twice before they allowed the silence. Everything that had mattered within minutes ago had easily vanished and disappeared into the air.

Perhaps the issues were never really important in the first place.

Perhaps the evolving sun and clouds within the sky had bought their attention.

Time was kept in a vacuum as they waited for the swirling clouds to form shapes, that would force them to memorize the beauty of the moment. A free-willing force, of course. And then suddenly, they united their presence by generating a mutual feeling they had found and felt..

It was non-other than peace and serenity.

anticipating the fall

2009-03-02T17:47:00.005+08:00

The past 24 hours had been rumbling through, somewhat unease. The supposed sleeping hours were spent awake, tied down with eyes wide open on the bed.
Ray Lamontagne tried to serenade me to my other world but instead, i stayed in his world and listened to his words.
Nobody really understood the reasons behind the paranoia but rather questioned, "what's there to be nervous about?"
and i guess i didn't seem to know the right words to answer their queries.

Surely enough, the gut feelings proved right. Driving my way back onto that familiar LDP highway, i blasted Dj sasha's beats to avoid any possibility of a weak emotion.
but somehow,my thoughts managed to move its way vigorously along with the bass.
Parked the car in a non-familiar spot only to avoid recurrences.
walked onto a different path only to avoid flashbacks.
Stepped into a lecture hall almost empty, which was comforting.

"..blah,blah...why should media audiences matter?...audiences no longer passive but rather active blah ..blah..blah.."

space.
spaced.
spaced out.

Left the already-filled up hall to arrive to a busy cafeteria. To the crowded spots of unknown faces and conversations i couldn't comprehend with.

Walk.
walked.
walked away.

Took the lift up to the 6th floor, pathetically hoping to see a couple of faces I wanted to see. but They were not there.
and when that one face spotted me and said, "hello", with her almost-suprised tone. I waited for the wave of comfort to splash over me.
and it didn't. i looked into her face like how i use to, only to realize a familiarity that was no longer there.

Took the lift back down and fumbled for my parking ticket and car keys. Kept my feet walking to bring myself further away from the groups of people.

people moving here and there.loners heads-down with their headphones.girlies giggling with their high-heels.nerdies rushing-away with their heavy books.boys trying-hard with their 'cool-poses'.
continuous passerby headed for particular directions.

were they running away too?

Eventually bumped into familiar faces but was suprised with news, that drew the finale.
got into the car,sweating more than usual. Drove away with dj Sasha blasting away again.

It didn't work this time. The reason came through and then it cracked open.

..breaking every strength that had held on in the past hours.

just broke.

clogged.

2009-02-26T15:36:00.003+08:00

Having 3 notepads and 'saved drafts' doesn't help when you seem to have stories to tell,but only a handful of words to spare. Somebody should invent this machine that detects the traces of our thoughts into this monitor,where it transforms them into something visualized.
So that I can look at it from a distance and say things like,
"Ohhhh........so thats what i was thinking about during that time, when i was sipping on to my coffee"
"mhhmmm,so thats what was running through my head while I was brainstorming ideas for the bowling tournament".
"RIGHHTTT, that was that other thing that was at the back of my head when I driving back home in the traffic crawl".

Kinda like how somebody should really get going with that whole time-machine thing.

somebody.

A stage and an audience

2009-02-23T10:48:00.000+08:00

Whenever you attend a theatre or musical performance, ever took a good few seconds to glance away from the stage to take notice of the audience?If you take a few steps back to look at the image of your very own-self amongst the crowd, as they gaze intently on to the performers ---what do u discover?
After having spent a pleasant Sunday evening at The Actors Studio for a string of live acoustic performance by our lovely local-musicians, (forget the fact i walked in late.grin) i was absolutely amazed by what I saw within the crowd. Not only were they supportive but they were somehow emotionally attached to the music. I gazed into their faces hoping to understand what they're expressions held. Several had their eyes closed with a tiny smile, while some had their eyes locked on-bodies unmoved. Some were swaying to the melody,while others had they feet tapping to the beats. Observing their body language somehow told me mini stories of what the person had in their minds. Through assumption,of course. I remember noticing this one guy, who had his head laid back-eyes closed - just smiling to himself as Izzy was playing her tune.
It times like these i wish i could read minds to justify the stories i made up in my head about them.
Alot of times we forget that besides the limelight that shines upon the stage, there's just so much going on within the viewers as well. And its elements like this that drives my love for live performances - to appreciate how people just become united for this one moment to share their mutual passion.. :)

Sunset Tales

2009-02-20T16:42:00.007+08:00

Oi amiga, do u remember our random boat ride out to the sea?

It was truly beautiful, to be sailing straight into the sunset.

I remember the sound of those sincere laughter, accompanied by the icy-cold beer in our hands. It didn't matter that we didn't know our directions, all that made sense was everything that we saw before our eyes..

and i guess..that was more than enough..

NYC Subway Blues

2009-02-17T13:17:00.002+08:00

I just rediscovered this video, which was taken when i was waiting for my train on 59th street.
What struck me there and then?
it was all the people and their movements that was going on.
I wondered, did anybody notice that man who struck those amazing tunes that echoed through the tunnel? the sound was just bouncing off and on those underground walls, was it not good enough for everyone to just pause for a good second to listen?

Melodies

2009-02-15T17:04:00.002+08:00

the power of sound.

vibrations.

frequency.

and how it travels through our body, in ways that we can't see through the naked eye.yet, still be able to witness the effects and then know its ever so true.

and All merely through what we feel.

these great movies we have watched, and had been touched ever so deep.would they have brought upon the same results without our hearing?

all these visionary pieces we lock our eyes on. in which we understand through words and vocabulary that we have come in terms with. that we have agreed to what it should and should not mean.
how different would they be if it had missed out that one part of sound? the part in which we associate ourselves with yet never ever knowing what the relationship really is.

is it there to compliment the many parts of us that apparently exist,yet proven not through words or images? but somehow,through these sensations that are not physically proven to be there,yet ever so REAL?

i'm wishing to have this crazy ability to just take a pencil and let these vibrations pencil itself away onto a big,empty canvas. only to take several steps back to see the larger picture. of what they connections may or may not be. or how these hidden mechanisms work its way into our daily systems.

haha, O-KAY....i blame Sundays for passing the green light to drift further away into another world.

Access to Virtual-world denied.

2009-02-13T13:07:00.002+08:00

There's just too much to look-out for when u live in a city...Why is it that all these expectations that we strive for become so meaningless on some days?

I'm thinking,time is ticking by the seconds as my fingers tap on to each letter tab.
god forbid these great movies made.
i truly respect these people who drew up stories that had attracted our largest sense of empathy.
Mr. Benjamin button would say, 'nothing is eternal'.
the idea of time and how it moves towards one way of progress as to how we understand it. what were to happen if this 'progress' had been re-arranged in a way that we had never really been in term with?
should that be a depressing thought or a gratitude to the art of change.
I'm imagining..
life to be evaluated not through the change of physicality that comes with time,
but rather through the amount of experiences and moments we gather,
that eventually defines who we are.
that answers the reason to where we stand.
if civilisation had not been educating us of these 'ways of living', would turning a year older be yet another day of Hanukkah or Christmas?
i wonder,
would our deepest kept worries of physical deterioration still be an issue?

4 February

2009-02-06T15:54:00.006+08:00

One year ago...

On an open balcony along a little room on Green St, a group of people of various background came together to celebrate..

I remember thinking that my birthday really shouldn't matter,because it really should be just another day. However the turn-out said otherwise, I was granted the company of people who cared. Or at least who wanted me to know that it did matter.

Was it the suprising visits of random people?Or the presence of these special street-boys that had the ukulele strumming all night?I remember,taking a step back to have an overview of what was before my eyes. It was these people, who walked into my life. Their relevance were not necessarily measured through the time span that we knew each other.It was merely ...the moment,that had brought everybody together. I guess there and then,it made sense for everybody to be where they were.

..and then One Year Later..
on a regular weekday, in a classy lounge along the streets of Kuala Lumpur..

I was taken by suprise again.

and had been Given the privilege of being celebrated by people who had already walked into my life for a fair amount of time. And once again,I stepped back and saw another moment. Far different from what it had been, of time,place, and people.

Yet, it had brought a smile to my face.

I am grateful to be surrounded by the 'good people' that come and go..This, I will never forget.

Random 25

2009-02-01T15:18:00.003+08:00

devirgined.
First tag respond~thanks to them who shared..
Joanne lee's bungee jump desires (i believe that u will do it one day-its GREAT), NH's theory about stripping naked when spooked out (BAHAHAHA) and Farah Rani's belief in meeting her dream-guy in bookstores(didn't work out for me,hope it does for u).

Funny enough, I actually wanted to know what these random 25 facts/goals were.

1)I have some real dark secrets.Some of which will follow me to my death-bed.
2)I am attracted to water.Every now and then i need to be associated with the pool,sea,pond,waterfall,what-have-yous, to avoid insanity.
3)I like analysing every breath i take when I'm surrounded by nature.
4)I question EVERYTHING.
5)Sometimes i feel like i don't know who I am.
6)Alot of times people assume that 'we get along', but truth is, i simply adapt very well.
7)i don't really know to perform angry reactions.
8)Every time i flush the 'squat-toilet-bowl', I leap off and move far away before the water flushes.it makes me nervous,those flushes.haha
9)I don't really know how to pray.
10)I don't like asking for help.
11)I'm always searching for something that i don't know of.
12)I lived 10 months far away from home, the way I wanted to live.I never felt more alive in my entire existence.
13)I stare and observe alot to understand people's feeling.
14)I have music collections that make me shiver. I enjoy music orgasms.
15)I try to find a melody to fit in EVERY moment encountered.(as much as i can anyway)
16)I get fat easily.
17)I am passionate.I would go the distance to get what i want.
18)Europe is my next destination.
19)i write messages to myself and stick them all over my room.
20)I saw some of the most amazing places in the world.i wish everyday to share my stories with somebody.
21)I'm a walking day-dreamer.I space out really well.
22)Being in high-up places makes me feel stronger.
23)I use to believe that i had magic powers.and i would stare into objects to see if i can move them with my mind.haha.i think i still belief in it today.
24)Every now and then i go MIA. i think i live in a couple of different worlds.
25)I don't really like to talk about myself :)

hmmm.

Mi Casa

2009-01-21T14:00:00.005+08:00

A couple of evenings ago, I raced downstairs to my mini-backyard.Only because orange'y-shady lights kept peeking through my room's curtain.
As If it was trying to tell me, "hey, stop and look at me"..
and so I did.

The Unconcious Moon Sign?

2009-01-13T14:06:00.002+08:00

So apparently the conscious astrology sign we ever so often pay attention to is the Sun sign. Yabby and I were discussing the relevance of our 'unconcious' side that depicts the way we tend to handle our lives- The moon sign. click.

cheryl yab says (2:00 PM):
DEFINITELY CANCER
cheryl yab says (2:00 PM):
YOU READ AND YOU WILL KNOWWWWW

and so,i Read:

MOON IN CANCER

Your personality is very similar to a person whose Moon is in Taurus. You are both great fans of relaxation and satisfaction. However you are different in that you lack either the stability or stubbornness of Taurus, (unless your Sun or Ascendant is in fact Taurus!) Your personality is rather supple and flexible. You are quite emotional. Your surroundings play a large role in your mood. When you are at home, or somewhere comfortable, you can be quite sociable, friendly and charitable. However when your environment tends to be less comforting, you tend to hide yourself. You are conservative in nature. You may be close to your family, your mother in particular. You may be strongly attached to her, and may bear a strong resemblance to her with regards to your personality. Unless the Sun was in Leo, Aries or Sagittarius (these Signs are noted for their independence) when you were born, taking advice from others and following through on others plans will bring you good luck. You are very perceptive about others feelings. This makes you a good actor or mimic. This sensitivity also may be an indication of psychic abilities. You are strongly attracted to water, whether you are aware of it or not. You may live or vacation near large bodies of water, and may enjoy travelling by ship.

I don't believe in justifying my life with these 'predictions' of people personalities. But who thought about them in the first place, how do we ever know its True,Truth?
I balled down to the idea that perhaps we will never know, but its still very much relevant to most people's life. Because you find these words that 'strike' you. That you can somehow relate to. In the end of the day, its all a choice,once again. You choose what makes sense to you, and filter the parts that don't mean anything.

*back to work. *grin*

Favourite Section..

2009-01-10T14:46:00.006+08:00

..of the 24 hour cycle would have to be around 5-ish pm, when the sun is laying lower into the sky..Especially on the days you go home from work,amidst the unavoidable KL traffic crawl. I can't help but be so drawn to the colours in the sky. the sun hides itself in between the layers of puffy white clouds and geometrical buildings .I squint my eyes to stare into the sun for the longest I can take before the white spots appear.
"It's so pretty, I need to absorb everything".
and then, The clouds somehow form 3-dimensional images that I only see in my dreams.

I am driving accompanied by music selections that vibrates at the right momentum through my entire body. All the congestion before my eyes eventually fades away into another dimension, as I willingly float away into a different zone. Driving my way into the direction where my agendas have assigned me to. Moving to where I'm 'suppose' to Be.
The sky is with me wherever I go, and so, 'it's okay'.

I'm thinking..

2009-01-06T23:25:00.003+08:00

Sept,08- Last flight home.

do you remember that time?
When your eyes were laid
on the most unimaginable sight
you had ever imagine?
All you could feel
was this desperation,
a cry for answers.
"could this really be true?"
Left so frozen inside,
to just hold,
the self from exploding.
A feeling so great,
you learned,
a new way to being alive.
All you can see,
is but a dream,
of silent breaths,
When all your knowledge
of 'truth'
had been reborn
into revelations.
You open new doors
to the world of possibilities,
you think to yourself,
"so this was why
this life was worth living for".
only for those
meaningless days to wear off,
to granting reasons
to stay alive.
It melts away
your illusionary walls,
masks we wear every day.
Only to be so distant,
yet so close to 'home'.
of undying serenity,
uplifting you sky high..

Moments.

2009-01-06T16:58:00.002+08:00

The magical Guarda de Embau. Held the strangest yet strongest energy, especially during winter, because the little village was almost empty.Somehow, it was The emptiness that had made the difference."It was there and then, I stopped breathing and felt 'home' "

Grateful.

2009-01-05T13:10:00.002+08:00

To have been surrounded by musicians on various occasions.

Those chord-like voices, those delicate guitar strums.

those beating-drum momentums, those dancing-fingers on piano.

How you use your physicality as a vehicle to your inner-self.

to share a story through vibrations.

Its always an honour to be acquainted with individuals that has the soul for music.

To my friends who has the gift of crafting melodies,I salute you.

And thank you for sharing those musical moments with me.

Bem vindo 2009~

2009-01-01T14:35:00.003+08:00

After reminiscing with 08',we agreed that last year was one of the best year for one to not forget.
Who would have thought that greatness in life are nothing but within your hands and would appear when least expected.
"Freedom" became a whole new terminology I came in terms with.
To free yourself from restraining thoughts is to move forward into new beginnings.
Free yourself from ideas that were never really true in the first place.
Up until experiences came by and told you what it should truly feel like.
And then we learn.
we learned.

only to re-pack our baggages by throwing out the unnecessary and stuffing in our fresh needs.
To game ourself for yet another venture into the unknown.
so, We bid farewell to one another, I kindly welcomed 09's as it made its way through the red carpet laid out. Whatever you may bring,I'm ready to do my part in living by the days.
To strive for more moments to savour into my little memory box.

That sudden-Tiny glass Crack.

2008-12-25T12:24:00.004+08:00

On a regular round-table dinner night, he was somewhat uneasy,unusually uncomfortable. Mother goes," what's wrong with you, are you not feeling well?"
He kept his eyes locked into our expressions and grunts an unwilling answer,"nothing".
Mother continues her persistence and goes, "did someting happen to you just now?"
and father adds in by saying,"Did somebody BULLY you on the fields just now??"
Still staring deeper into our eyes, He mutters under his breath,"NO,nothing la".
And then I saw it. that face.That expression I know so well.I felt it coming through me and crawling deep inside my skin.
"I know that expression",i thought to myself.
That sudden tiny-tiny glass crack.
not shattered,not broken,and still intact.but,just...Cracked.
He was holding it in with al his might. I could feel his strength to maintain control.
"so thats how It looks like when you're all broken-up inside yet remain focused on the outside",I thought.
..that slight twitch on the corner of the lip, the half-raised eyebrows, that tight-muscled cheeks, those gritted teeth. That tension yet relaxed posture.
he finally blurted out in a shaky yet steady voice," I dreamt I Died."
There it was.Those simple sentence, coming from his much-too young heart.
I stared at him knowingly.
The parents reacted differently,suggesting alternative ideas to what his words really meant.
"What do you mean?" they said.
"You had a bad dream is it?A nightmare",they continued.
I saw his frustration, as he repeated the exact same words,"I dreamt I DIED!"
"you mean you couldnt move onn the bed is it, like a ghost sitting on you?", they responded.
I couldnt help but say," NO, I GET WHAT HE MEANS??OH MY GOD."
They gave me a funny look as I look over to him and felt an unexpected desire to crack-up just like him.
Eventually, he gave up and darted upstairs echoing,"nevermind,forget it".
He left the parents in confusion on the table, while I just continuously repeated "i get him,i understand, HE DREAMT HE DIED".
"you should go and talk to him then",the father exclaimed.
I kept quiet and somehow didnt manage to do so, How could i possibly make him understand that I truly did understand what he felt. To why his dream caught him off-guard and had silently traumatised his entire day.
Thats when I saw a tiny part of my past in him, that undying silence.Those buried emotions simply because you think people dont understand anyway,why bother?
For a few days now, I realise the whole situation somehow mattered to me, as it was kept on replay-mode in my head.

"Look for Signs"

2008-12-18T15:52:00.002+08:00

how applicable can these words be in your life when the idea of 'a sign' is far too dependent on self-interpretation?
Just 2 evenings ago, I spotted 4:44 on the clock in my car.Yesterday evening, i spotted 4:44 AGAIN on my cell.
If I was truly suppose to look out for these blurry signs, should it mean that something bad is going to happen to me?

0_9

It just doesn't make sense to believe in Everything. Far too often i come to the conclucion that Subjectivity is just tedious.

Days ago a special friend sent the song by Rachael Yamagata-Worn me Down. Just today I discovered the same song burnt into a cd that was given to me last night by another good friend. So I figured, maybe there's a message in that song that I should be looking into. After I www.letssingit.com the song, I tried really hard to interpret the song in a way that it could relate to me at this point of time. So i refered to excerpts of the song that MAY make sense:

"Gone
She's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it
And I wish you the best but I could do without it"

"Worn me down like a road
I did anything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please you"

"I did anything to please but you can't stop thinking about her"

If i were to be a believer, this would bother the crap out of me.
Selectivity is the Key.
frack this.

Addicted to the Stage.

2008-12-17T13:26:00.006+08:00

"now I understand why you guys do it,"she says.

And I just smiled back knowingly.
its always a good feeling when they(people.somebody.someone.) "GET IT".
Get what your trying to say.
Get what you felt.
what u thought.
what u experienced.
maybe in their own perspective,but still.
they GET IT.
and thus, Sharing becomes an easy task to do.
because all u need is that right vibe of somebody who understands whatever the hell you're trying to say.

The stage.
seen in darkness and light.
of vision and blindness.
in fear and courage.
of strength and weakness.
in calm and panic.
of worries and ease.
in center and off-balanced.
of focus and distractions.

mixed emotions.
b a l a n c e d.
you just Got to love it.

Momentary Flashbacks.

2008-12-11T11:14:00.005+08:00

It happens far too often in a day, when I close my eyes for these momentary flashbacks. The funny thing is that it snaps through swiftly, within a couple of seconds.
And within this short frame of time I find myself tasting the air I once felt, derived from a blend of blue skies and cotton-ball clouds.The never-ending breeze that carried the smell of the salty sea within metres away. The soothing sound of an acoustic guitar being strummed by a homeless-young-man along the street. The beautiful garden of flowers planted along the sidewalks...and ofcourse,my heart.Ever so at ease,ever so calm.My mind.Ever so unified,ever so contented. I feel like my words are not sufficient. I seem to not have the ability to sketch these images out, like the way its been re-playing in my head. I can't seem to share these stories that had made an impact, a suprising difference in my life. Once the story is told, the picture remains incomplete. I don't have the ability to just pick up an instrument to play a tune depicting these emotions.
I can't seem to tell you what It felt like one year ago. This very month, 12 months ago, where I was and what went through my head as I allowed my wings to be spread like never before.(Had it really passed through before my eyes,without my consent?) It was then i realised my very own meaning of 'freedom', given that Freedom has always been a subjective matter.

I have these stories running through my entire being and though I will never ever be able to share it the way i want to, I'm hoping it Never fades away.

Disco Ball.

2008-12-08T15:03:00.004+08:00

how would you feel if the disco-ball life were in your hands?
"what is a disco-ball life,anyway?"

Urban life?

2008-12-05T12:34:00.004+08:00

Q Saudades amiga AG.

Despite the way it sucked you in into the world of materialism and wanna-be's, couldnt help but LOVE the thrill of being a tiny part of the big rush. Of motivated individuals who seem to have found their purpose being a part of that mechanical system. Eventually it all balls down to the kinds of perspective you select, in which no matter what you always find a way to make yourself "fit in". ofcourse, the notion of "fitting in" is evolved into something meaningful. Sometimes its 'oh-so-good' to feel like a complete nobody in a far-away land.

Those one Second Breath Pauses.

2008-12-03T15:29:00.003+08:00

Its those tiny fascinations that keeps you going.
I swear.
I miss that feeling of desperation, when faced with an unimaginable beauty.

HAHA

2008-11-30T16:33:00.000+08:00

Sexy.

2008-11-30T16:31:00.001+08:00

the body is like an art piece on its own, why not into an art canvas too?

THE SEVEN DEADLY SCENES

2008-11-28T12:09:00.005+08:00

Dear all,

Sink your teeth into the forbidden fruit as The Oral Stage unleashes its closing season for 2008 with a sinful anthology of original plays. Inspired by the age-old classification of vices, the seven deadly scenes is a fresh Malaysian take on lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Kelvin Wong

FEATURING PIECES BY

Jonathan Lim, Maximillan Lim, Johann Lim, Diane Goon,Shern Chong, Doreen Loo & Juria Toramae

THE CREATIVE TEAM

Joanne Lee (Stage/Publicity Manager)Syar S. Alia (Set/Costume/Make-up Designer)Nicholas Chin (Production Designer)

THE ENSEMBLE

Aple Ang, Bryant Albuquerque, Batsheba Zlikha Arsalan, Rashdan Harith, Ista Kyra,Rachel Lai, Melissa Loovi, Ash Mathew & Mohamed Shamir

in KUALA LUMPUR

16th – 19th December 2008 @ 8.30 pm20th December 2008 @ 3.00 pm & 8.30 pm
IndiCine, Level 2The Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts CentreSentul Park, Jalan Strachan51100 Kuala Lumpur

in PENANG

27th December @ 8.30 pm28th December 2008 @ 3.00 pm & 8.30 pm
The Actors Studio Greenhall, PenangGround Floor, Zhong Zheng School Memorial Centre32, Lebuh Light, 10200 Penang

TICKETS

RM25 (Adults)RM15 (Students, senior citizens & the disabled)

GROUP RATES FOR STUDENTS ALSO AVAILABLE

TICKET CONTACT

(03) 4047 9000 (KLPac Box Office)(04) 2635 400 (TAS Greenhall Box Office)

..Guaranteed Originality.Come one,come all.

comel.

2008-11-27T17:45:00.001+08:00

You would think..

2008-11-24T12:17:00.005+08:00

..that some people "spend their whole lives" just looking for L o v e. We call it the BIG search, that had initially been kicked to the back of our 'to-do-list' when we thought of prioritizing our material needs.And when that magic moment arrives, and it is deemed that the 'hunt is OVER', you imagine them to spend the remaining of their lives to cherish that discovered 'love'. Simply because it is far too special to pretend that it doesn't matter,if you were to ever lose it. You erase the idea of ever having to 'not have it'.

You call it cliche' or silly goals.Yet another one of those misguided ideals.Wishful dreams.

You imagine.

..and what happens when you come across that very few who chooses to for-go what they have to result to 'not having it'. As far as all these movie,music and image love stories are concerned, I don't recall somebody warning us about the possibility of people who would not want it after all. Of those who believes that maybe it's not sacred after all because the probability of re-occurence is just far too high. the whole 'once in a lifetime opportunity' motivational thought is now being amended, because we now realize that its never the END of the world. As long as you find yourself still taking those pulsing breaths.

If you are ever 'privileged'(in my most refined sarcastic tone), to come across this 'rare' non-believer, i readily offer you my sincere empathy and 'hope' for that strength to uphold your shaken 'faith'.

The Rain poured across Sunday Afternoon.

2008-11-16T16:36:00.003+08:00

It's one of those days,when you look out into the sky and see it painted with water drops.The only sounds you hear are steady rumbling thunders and the wheels of the passing car riding on the wet roads.All around you is shedding a tear into collective cries.The trees,electric lamp post,and buildings.Little round rain drops lingering below the fences.see another beauty covered in grey.smell the unexplainable effect of cool rain on warm grounds.

Its a rainy sunday noon, and all i can feel of it is behind this window within four walls.

Question.

2008-11-05T16:40:00.002+08:00

Were we EVER this excited over our own elections?
Talk about media effectiveness.
America is like that branding 'Prada and Gucci',that everyones speaks of.
argument would be,its going to affect the whole world,economically,socially,politically..overall,the way everything else will function in coming years.
what about our own little world in front of our eyes here?

Is it possible?

2008-10-31T21:43:00.002+08:00

or is it imagination?
because u think that the people in the world are out there to get you. when the case is,nobody really gives a shit.more importantly, you are hallucinating because what you see is not really what you're getting.
paranoia?
because u are stuffed with negative energy. You think that everyone has a black heart and nobody is up to anything good. All are self-centered, all are careless. Somebody wants to hurt you just for the sake of hurting you.
karma?
because you believe that you were once an asshole.or still is.who knows?
Expectations.
is 'suppose' to be bad,but when you speak of it to the believers,they say,"whats wrong with having a little faith/hope on something?" well,there's really nothing wrong to it,but the line is just too darn thin between hoping and expecting.

seriously,where should we stand?

"Cause everything looks perfect ....."

2008-10-30T15:33:00.006+08:00

...."from far away, come down now......."

If it weren't for technological advancements of picture-taking and video-recordings, would we have the same sense of appreciation for those 'past moments' that had once made a difference in our lives?
in our everyday quest in which we hunt for that 'meaning' and 'purpose' in our respective lives, we ever so often not realize that we ARE in fact, gradually collecting those pieces of reasoning that substantiates our believe system.
When we rewind those winding thoughts, you realize..
It is those precious little fragments
that steals a frown away.
and cracks into a sudden smile.

To those 'special ones' who had once shared "such great heights" with thy soul....

...may these 'once upon a time' great wonders assist us as we continue bouncing off each passing cloud.

Friday night with Abubu.

2008-10-24T22:11:00.005+08:00

*This is Abubu.

It was yet another Friday night here in KL,with nothing but the silent air surrounding his air. He was determined to stay away from the society on this one night, just because there wasn't really any reason to go out. *Abubu was going through the online Malaysia airlines directory,and decided to check out how much it would cost to fly back to Buenos Aires. It was really because he really wanted to know what it would cost/take to take that plunge again,to return to that side of the world..
Abubu got a shock of his life when he saw that the price(plus return) was stated RM9800++.

"Oh my F#%^kin god",he exclaimed.

Since his return, he perpetually questioned himself in his EVERYDAY life, WHY in the world did he ever leave that place? When he actually found something that made him happy. Now,the thought of returning seems like a long time process. How was it possible that you can say,"i had the time of MY LIFE" and yet in the next moment just throw it all away? Bounded by the idea of responsibilities.society's expectations.

expectations.a positive idea that turned ugly in time.

Why do we get nervous with the thought of actually being happy? When you reach the extreme levels of happiness,in which you never dreamed of attaining..why do you take a step back to speculate on the 'actuality' of the situation?
Why should there always be a doubt behind every smile?

Abubu couldn't' help but sigh,and thought,"i should have stayed on".

*name has been altered for privacy purposes.haha.

You know what can NEVER go wrong?

2008-10-22T14:07:00.004+08:00

the beatles baby.

..Great musicians that created music for ALL occasion.all emotion.

..ever felt like you were born in the wrong era?
..or craved so much for the possibility of a time-machine.

(back to the future movie previewed yearrrssss ago,so did donnie darko and stephen hawking and all that jazz)
when oh when would time travel be a part of 'reality'?

Accomplished.

2008-08-07T07:52:00.006+08:00

......The greatest satisfaction that you can ever grant to yourself is when you manage to achieve what you once imagined.

This MISSION?

done.

When you speak about the idea of believing in Possibilities, how far do you push yourself into 'making it HAPPEN'?

When you share your dreams with the world, how strong do you hold on to that promise that you make to yourself?

When you acknowledge your desires and wants, how much do you strive to make it a part of Reality?

Sometimes, the idea of Control VS. Destiny in your life tend to complicate the journey of reaching your goals.......

..but in the end of the day, nothing beats the feeling you get when you say,

" I did it".

Iguazu Falls,Argentina. August 2008

THe Worst Part about Travelling is..

2008-06-10T15:04:00.001+08:00

a) the 'goodbyes'
b) the bloody bags.

WINTER MUSIC CONFERENCE 2008: Miami

2008-06-06T02:08:00.013+08:00

..who cares if its a delayed post.The memory of it still lingers around as though it was only yesterday..

Dedicated to all you music lovers out there:

During the month of March 2008, all the music lovers from all over the world of DJ's,ravers,party-go'ers,producers,media crews and upcoming talents gathered around the sunshine state Florida. For a good 5 days, the music never stopped playing. Miami was on a roll to celebrate the art of electronic music.

..the Greyhound Bus ride to targeted location.

..drop-off at dodgy Bus station.

..Miami Beach Resort and Spa..THE Hotel.

..the right side Window view.Opposite the 'lake' is where the so-called rich and famous resides.

..and the best side ever, waking up to the view of the waves.

DAY 1.

..anxious fans waiting to enter Karma. Seriously funky dressers.

..opening act by Venezuela group. They made their music right there and then.how original.

..the very much commercialized Infected Mushroom. Almost like a pop-star.

DAY 2.

..to enjoy the music being played on stage by the pool. What an amazing pool, to the left side is where the beach is..

..all you have to do is walk out of the hotel to feel the sands in between your toes.

At night,

..to catch Richie Hawtin and Madga spin in the open air spot till the break of dawn. There were so many people and nobody wanted to leave up until 11am the next day.

DAY 3 and 4.

UltraSOund Festival.The outdoor scene. The Ultimate party.

..arriving at the city center. Taxis were everywhere knowing that plenty of tourists were there to catch the event.

..the entrance to the park. People were lining up to get last minute over-priced tickets. The smart ones who bought them online were lining up on the other side to make their way in.It was a park in the middle of the city, where there was enough air and space for people to move about.

..this was the main stage,whereby you had the view of the skyscrappers behind.

Everywhere you walked to you had different kinds of music blasting in the air,there was never one spot you went to that was silent.

..the view of the main stage from a distant.

This is the Rabbit Hole Stage,

..where Dj sasha and digweed made the crowd go crazy. If you look closer, behind the stage is the clear blue sea.

..this was another stage, where they played minimal music the whole night. Those star thingys hanging in the air lit up in yellow lights at night.

..people were not afraid to dress as they liked. You saw variation in fashion taste and the best part about it is, nothing was ugly.

haha.

..people from all over the world making their way to their favourite stages. You had food stalls lined up for people to get food when their hungry.Everything was over-priced but nobody really cared during that time.

..the crowd was constantly looking for beer and WATER. There were little carts being pushed around that was filled with bottle of beer and water. You pay $5+$1 tip for every cheap beer you get. That's pretty much the price you pay for a good beer when you are in a nice bar.

Like i said, there and then, nobody really cared.

..there was plenty of room to dance in the open air. Whenever it gets too stuffy near the stage, you can always walk out and find yourself a spot to breathe some fresh air. People were dripping in sweat, but nevertheless, happy.

..This was the stage where Moby performed. The most crowded stage ever because it was like a warehouse filled with people. There was no ventilation or what so ever. But the sound system was so damn good.

..he performed so well and had the best energy of all. Standing in front of the crowd on stage, he was always looking into their eyes, feeling their responses....smiling.amazing. Apparently everyone else who went for the event had more or less the same feeling about the event because there were many videos uploaded to show the different performances. TO see Moby perform his greatness, please click.

The sun set view was the most amazing, people were busy dancing and cheering but if you had stop for just one second to take a look at the sky...Shit, it was so beautiful. Also,because miami is pretty much situated close by the sea, every now and then you had this strong-gust of wind that just blew into your face,lifting your spirits higher up into the sky.

..and when the sun was setting, you couldnt help but think, "don't stop the music"...

During the night time, the laser lights came into action. somehow, the People had the best energy ever during the night... click.

..it was amazing lighting during Carl Cox's performance. Please click. And The best part about being inside (despite how queasy you can get due to the lack of air), is the people around you..everybody was nice to one another. Every time you looked over to the next person, they would look back and smile, knowingly, as those the eye contact was sufficient to express what a great moment it was.

..All in all, the many years of not attending great music events turned out to mean nothing when it came to the Winter Music Conference 2008. It became ONE of those memorably life experiences that you gain in this lifetime. Unfortunately, Words and pictures are just not enough to express the great feeling.
Otherwise, personally, i truly think that this feeling has to be shared with the world.

Nice thought...

2008-06-03T21:55:00.002+08:00

eu familia,

its nice to know that you are not just born into this relationship,but rather given the priviledge to form it selectively.

The Art of...

2008-05-29T15:46:00.002+08:00

...the unbreakable.

Is when you're able to run so far,
so far away..
from the supposed outcome.
Once it catches on,
you find yourself breaking
into more than a zillion pieces
simply beyond than,
what you've ever imagined.

Spotted a Moment..

2008-05-28T01:23:00.004+08:00

..a couple who stopped crossing the sreet to hug each other.

for a good one minute.

I watched their expression and wished more than ever to have that same exact moment.

Imagine..

2008-05-25T08:29:00.008+08:00

..handing out flyers in the middle of the chaotic Times Square, Manhattan.

There's just too much going on within that small area where i stood:

..the angry honks and acceleration.

..the never-ending wailing sirens of police and ambulance.
..the branded high-fashion pedestrians.

..the groups of multilingual tourists.

..the colourful blinking advertisements.

..the large eye-catching movies and music banners.

AND, What more if.............

..it was Fleet Week?

Now,I hope it was truly compulsory for them to wear their uniforms as they roam around the city because otherwise, it seems almost ..unnatural.

If this 'fleet week' thing were to happen in KL, do you think those teenage girls would still run up to them and ask for a picture?

.......?

Each day encountered here in the city seem to remind you how much of a nobody you are. The problem is, this idea of a 'nobody' is judged through the idea of materialism. As far as you try to run away from this plastic world, somehow, the majority seem to have the power to suck you in.

You always end up with a thought that, "I want to be a somebody too".

..or to stick with the 'Asian-Chinese girl' handing out some random flyers about a Brazilian Amazonia exhibition?

..I'm sticking to taking the ride of my life.

You Think more when..

2008-05-10T01:56:00.002+08:00

..you are in a City?

i mean there's really no way of measuring 'how much' you think in general.But seriously, moving from a sun and sea environment to a wet and cold surrouding makes your thoughts go deeper.

..or maybe i'm just crazy.

muito loca.

Mission.

2008-04-13T15:19:00.006+08:00

please click.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Iguassu Falls

Behold, A river that intersects on the border between Brazil,Paraguay and Argentina.

Look at this map:

Through research and real-life interviews, he place sounded surreal. And i'm hoping that it probably is an illusion because if it was real the beauty would be overwhelming. I don't know if the heart can handle the emotions.

"it's going to be too damn beautiful".

Mission number 1,i say.

Imagine a waterfall that is in between three countries. Apparently, there's this cafe out there in which where you sit, you realize that your view consist of the perspectives of 3 different countries.

"Amazing".

First of all, you need to find out the distrance between this route and the main cities of Brazil. In this case, the nearest point would be Florionopolis. After careful consideration, this is what i decided:

I mean come on, this is too beautiful:

Making 'sales'.

2008-04-11T03:49:00.002+08:00

The journey to survival abroad is mucho to do with being able to support yourself financially. In order to do so,you find yourself being open towards all available opportunities of jobs,even if it was never really what you wanted to do. Given the time span,you're just going to go all your way out and grab whatever thats left.
Which brings the topic of being a freaking-sales-person. (Naz, i remember your post again doing door-to-door sales,and i must say: Respect,okay?)
Doing sales sounds like an easy task but when it comes to 'getting the job done', how far would you push your self-principles in order to be a good salesperson?
it's either you're blaming the faults on your so-called in-built characther/personality, or you simply have BAD persuasive skills.
How can you tell yourself to be pushy when you never really liked it in the first place? and if you choose to stick to your chilled-out/mellowed nature, nobody is going to buy from you because you dont have this 'ability' to make them /want/ or /need/ something.
Credits goes out to all you sales-people out there for having the patience to deal with all sorts of personalities(and i mean ALL KINDS) for the sake of surviving.
maybe u will only sell better when you believe or like the product or service?
i dont know!
Argh.