That sudden-Tiny glass Crack.

On a regular round-table dinner night, he was somewhat uneasy,unusually uncomfortable. Mother goes," what's wrong with you, are you not feeling well?"
He kept his eyes locked into our expressions and grunts an unwilling answer,"nothing".
Mother continues her persistence and goes, "did someting happen to you just now?"
and father adds in by saying,"Did somebody BULLY you on the fields just now??"
Still staring deeper into our eyes, He mutters under his breath,"NO,nothing la".
And then I saw it. that face.That expression I know so well.I felt it coming through me and crawling deep inside my skin.
"I know that expression",i thought to myself.
That sudden tiny-tiny glass crack.
not shattered,not broken,and still intact.but,just...Cracked.
He was holding it in with al his might. I could feel his strength to maintain control.
"so thats how It looks like when you're all broken-up inside yet remain focused on the outside",I thought.
..that slight twitch on the corner of the lip, the half-raised eyebrows, that tight-muscled cheeks, those gritted teeth. That tension yet relaxed posture.
he finally blurted out in a shaky yet steady voice," I dreamt I Died."
There it was.Those simple sentence, coming from his much-too young heart.
I stared at him knowingly.
The parents reacted differently,suggesting alternative ideas to what his words really meant.
"What do you mean?" they said.
"You had a bad dream is it?A nightmare",they continued.
I saw his frustration, as he repeated the exact same words,"I dreamt I DIED!"
"you mean you couldnt move onn the bed is it, like a ghost sitting on you?", they responded.
I couldnt help but say," NO, I GET WHAT HE MEANS??OH MY GOD."
They gave me a funny look as I look over to him and felt an unexpected desire to crack-up just like him.
Eventually, he gave up and darted upstairs echoing,"nevermind,forget it".
He left the parents in confusion on the table, while I just continuously repeated "i get him,i understand, HE DREAMT HE DIED".
"you should go and talk to him then",the father exclaimed.
I kept quiet and somehow didnt manage to do so, How could i possibly make him understand that I truly did understand what he felt. To why his dream caught him off-guard and had silently traumatised his entire day.
Thats when I saw a tiny part of my past in him, that undying silence.Those buried emotions simply because you think people dont understand anyway,why bother?
For a few days now, I realise the whole situation somehow mattered to me, as it was kept on replay-mode in my head.

"Look for Signs"

how applicable can these words be in your life when the idea of 'a sign' is far too dependent on self-interpretation?
Just 2 evenings ago, I spotted 4:44 on the clock in my car.Yesterday evening, i spotted 4:44 AGAIN on my cell.
If I was truly suppose to look out for these blurry signs, should it mean that something bad is going to happen to me?

0_9

It just doesn't make sense to believe in Everything. Far too often i come to the conclucion that Subjectivity is just tedious.

Days ago a special friend sent the song by Rachael Yamagata-Worn me Down. Just today I discovered the same song burnt into a cd that was given to me last night by another good friend. So I figured, maybe there's a message in that song that I should be looking into. After I www.letssingit.com the song, I tried really hard to interpret the song in a way that it could relate to me at this point of time. So i refered to excerpts of the song that MAY make sense:

"Gone
She's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it
And I wish you the best but I could do without it"

"Worn me down like a road
I did anything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please you"

"I did anything to please but you can't stop thinking about her"

If i were to be a believer, this would bother the crap out of me.
Selectivity is the Key.
frack this.

Addicted to the Stage.

"now I understand why you guys do it,"she says.

And I just smiled back knowingly.
its always a good feeling when they(people.somebody.someone.) "GET IT".
Get what your trying to say.
Get what you felt.
what u thought.
what u experienced.
maybe in their own perspective,but still.
they GET IT.
and thus, Sharing becomes an easy task to do.
because all u need is that right vibe of somebody who understands whatever the hell you're trying to say.

The stage.
seen in darkness and light.
of vision and blindness.
in fear and courage.
of strength and weakness.
in calm and panic.
of worries and ease.
in center and off-balanced.
of focus and distractions.

mixed emotions.
b a l a n c e d.
you just Got to love it.

Momentary Flashbacks.

It happens far too often in a day, when I close my eyes for these momentary flashbacks. The funny thing is that it snaps through swiftly, within a couple of seconds.
And within this short frame of time I find myself tasting the air I once felt, derived from a blend of blue skies and cotton-ball clouds.The never-ending breeze that carried the smell of the salty sea within metres away. The soothing sound of an acoustic guitar being strummed by a homeless-young-man along the street. The beautiful garden of flowers planted along the sidewalks...and ofcourse,my heart.Ever so at ease,ever so calm.My mind.Ever so unified,ever so contented. I feel like my words are not sufficient. I seem to not have the ability to sketch these images out, like the way its been re-playing in my head. I can't seem to share these stories that had made an impact, a suprising difference in my life. Once the story is told, the picture remains incomplete. I don't have the ability to just pick up an instrument to play a tune depicting these emotions.
I can't seem to tell you what It felt like one year ago. This very month, 12 months ago, where I was and what went through my head as I allowed my wings to be spread like never before.(Had it really passed through before my eyes,without my consent?) It was then i realised my very own meaning of 'freedom', given that Freedom has always been a subjective matter.

I have these stories running through my entire being and though I will never ever be able to share it the way i want to, I'm hoping it Never fades away.

Disco Ball.

how would you feel if the disco-ball life were in your hands?
"what is a disco-ball life,anyway?"

Urban life?

Q Saudades amiga AG.

Despite the way it sucked you in into the world of materialism and wanna-be's, couldnt help but LOVE the thrill of being a tiny part of the big rush. Of motivated individuals who seem to have found their purpose being a part of that mechanical system. Eventually it all balls down to the kinds of perspective you select, in which no matter what you always find a way to make yourself "fit in". ofcourse, the notion of "fitting in" is evolved into something meaningful. Sometimes its 'oh-so-good' to feel like a complete nobody in a far-away land.

Those one Second Breath Pauses.

Its those tiny fascinations that keeps you going.
I swear.
I miss that feeling of desperation, when faced with an unimaginable beauty.

HAHA

Sexy.

the body is like an art piece on its own, why not into an art canvas too?

THE SEVEN DEADLY SCENES

Dear all,

Sink your teeth into the forbidden fruit as The Oral Stage unleashes its closing season for 2008 with a sinful anthology of original plays. Inspired by the age-old classification of vices, the seven deadly scenes is a fresh Malaysian take on lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Kelvin Wong

FEATURING PIECES BY

Jonathan Lim, Maximillan Lim, Johann Lim, Diane Goon,Shern Chong, Doreen Loo & Juria Toramae

THE CREATIVE TEAM

Joanne Lee (Stage/Publicity Manager)Syar S. Alia (Set/Costume/Make-up Designer)Nicholas Chin (Production Designer)

THE ENSEMBLE

Aple Ang, Bryant Albuquerque, Batsheba Zlikha Arsalan, Rashdan Harith, Ista Kyra,Rachel Lai, Melissa Loovi, Ash Mathew & Mohamed Shamir

in KUALA LUMPUR

16th – 19th December 2008 @ 8.30 pm20th December 2008 @ 3.00 pm & 8.30 pm
IndiCine, Level 2The Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts CentreSentul Park, Jalan Strachan51100 Kuala Lumpur

in PENANG

27th December @ 8.30 pm28th December 2008 @ 3.00 pm & 8.30 pm
The Actors Studio Greenhall, PenangGround Floor, Zhong Zheng School Memorial Centre32, Lebuh Light, 10200 Penang

TICKETS

RM25 (Adults)RM15 (Students, senior citizens & the disabled)

GROUP RATES FOR STUDENTS ALSO AVAILABLE

TICKET CONTACT

(03) 4047 9000 (KLPac Box Office)(04) 2635 400 (TAS Greenhall Box Office)

..Guaranteed Originality.Come one,come all.

comel.

You would think..

..that some people "spend their whole lives" just looking for L o v e. We call it the BIG search, that had initially been kicked to the back of our 'to-do-list' when we thought of prioritizing our material needs.And when that magic moment arrives, and it is deemed that the 'hunt is OVER', you imagine them to spend the remaining of their lives to cherish that discovered 'love'. Simply because it is far too special to pretend that it doesn't matter,if you were to ever lose it. You erase the idea of ever having to 'not have it'.

You call it cliche' or silly goals.Yet another one of those misguided ideals.Wishful dreams.

You imagine.

..and what happens when you come across that very few who chooses to for-go what they have to result to 'not having it'. As far as all these movie,music and image love stories are concerned, I don't recall somebody warning us about the possibility of people who would not want it after all. Of those who believes that maybe it's not sacred after all because the probability of re-occurence is just far too high. the whole 'once in a lifetime opportunity' motivational thought is now being amended, because we now realize that its never the END of the world. As long as you find yourself still taking those pulsing breaths.

If you are ever 'privileged'(in my most refined sarcastic tone), to come across this 'rare' non-believer, i readily offer you my sincere empathy and 'hope' for that strength to uphold your shaken 'faith'.

The Rain poured across Sunday Afternoon.

It's one of those days,when you look out into the sky and see it painted with water drops.The only sounds you hear are steady rumbling thunders and the wheels of the passing car riding on the wet roads.All around you is shedding a tear into collective cries.The trees,electric lamp post,and buildings.Little round rain drops lingering below the fences.see another beauty covered in grey.smell the unexplainable effect of cool rain on warm grounds.

Its a rainy sunday noon, and all i can feel of it is behind this window within four walls.

Question.

Were we EVER this excited over our own elections?
Talk about media effectiveness.
America is like that branding 'Prada and Gucci',that everyones speaks of.
argument would be,its going to affect the whole world,economically,socially,politically..overall,the way everything else will function in coming years.
what about our own little world in front of our eyes here?

Is it possible?

or is it imagination?
because u think that the people in the world are out there to get you. when the case is,nobody really gives a shit.more importantly, you are hallucinating because what you see is not really what you're getting.
paranoia?
because u are stuffed with negative energy. You think that everyone has a black heart and nobody is up to anything good. All are self-centered, all are careless. Somebody wants to hurt you just for the sake of hurting you.
karma?
because you believe that you were once an asshole.or still is.who knows?
Expectations.
is 'suppose' to be bad,but when you speak of it to the believers,they say,"whats wrong with having a little faith/hope on something?" well,there's really nothing wrong to it,but the line is just too darn thin between hoping and expecting.

seriously,where should we stand?

"Cause everything looks perfect ....."

...."from far away, come down now......."

If it weren't for technological advancements of picture-taking and video-recordings, would we have the same sense of appreciation for those 'past moments' that had once made a difference in our lives?
in our everyday quest in which we hunt for that 'meaning' and 'purpose' in our respective lives, we ever so often not realize that we ARE in fact, gradually collecting those pieces of reasoning that substantiates our believe system.
When we rewind those winding thoughts, you realize..
It is those precious little fragments
that steals a frown away.
and cracks into a sudden smile.

To those 'special ones' who had once shared "such great heights" with thy soul....


...may these 'once upon a time' great wonders assist us as we continue bouncing off each passing cloud.

Friday night with Abubu.

*This is Abubu.

It was yet another Friday night here in KL,with nothing but the silent air surrounding his air. He was determined to stay away from the society on this one night, just because there wasn't really any reason to go out. *Abubu was going through the online Malaysia airlines directory,and decided to check out how much it would cost to fly back to Buenos Aires. It was really because he really wanted to know what it would cost/take to take that plunge again,to return to that side of the world..
Abubu got a shock of his life when he saw that the price(plus return) was stated RM9800++.

"Oh my F#%^kin god",he exclaimed.

Since his return, he perpetually questioned himself in his EVERYDAY life, WHY in the world did he ever leave that place? When he actually found something that made him happy. Now,the thought of returning seems like a long time process. How was it possible that you can say,"i had the time of MY LIFE" and yet in the next moment just throw it all away? Bounded by the idea of responsibilities.society's expectations.

expectations.a positive idea that turned ugly in time.

Why do we get nervous with the thought of actually being happy? When you reach the extreme levels of happiness,in which you never dreamed of attaining..why do you take a step back to speculate on the 'actuality' of the situation?
Why should there always be a doubt behind every smile?

Abubu couldn't' help but sigh,and thought,"i should have stayed on".






*name has been altered for privacy purposes.haha.

You know what can NEVER go wrong?

the beatles baby.





..Great musicians that created music for ALL occasion.all emotion.


..ever felt like you were born in the wrong era?
..or craved so much for the possibility of a time-machine.

(back to the future movie previewed yearrrssss ago,so did donnie darko and stephen hawking and all that jazz)
when oh when would time travel be a part of 'reality'?

Accomplished.

......The greatest satisfaction that you can ever grant to yourself is when you manage to achieve what you once imagined.

This MISSION?

done.

When you speak about the idea of believing in Possibilities, how far do you push yourself into 'making it HAPPEN'?

When you share your dreams with the world, how strong do you hold on to that promise that you make to yourself?

When you acknowledge your desires and wants, how much do you strive to make it a part of Reality?

Sometimes, the idea of Control VS. Destiny in your life tend to complicate the journey of reaching your goals.......

..but in the end of the day, nothing beats the feeling you get when you say,

" I did it".

Iguazu Falls,Argentina. August 2008

THe Worst Part about Travelling is..

a) the 'goodbyes'
b) the bloody bags.

WINTER MUSIC CONFERENCE 2008: Miami

..who cares if its a delayed post.The memory of it still lingers around as though it was only yesterday..

Dedicated to all you music lovers out there:

During the month of March 2008, all the music lovers from all over the world of DJ's,ravers,party-go'ers,producers,media crews and upcoming talents gathered around the sunshine state Florida. For a good 5 days, the music never stopped playing. Miami was on a roll to celebrate the art of electronic music.

..the Greyhound Bus ride to targeted location.

..drop-off at dodgy Bus station.

..Miami Beach Resort and Spa..THE Hotel.

..the right side Window view.Opposite the 'lake' is where the so-called rich and famous resides.

..and the best side ever, waking up to the view of the waves.

DAY 1.

..anxious fans waiting to enter Karma. Seriously funky dressers.

..opening act by Venezuela group. They made their music right there and then.how original.

..the very much commercialized Infected Mushroom. Almost like a pop-star.

?

DAY 2.

..to enjoy the music being played on stage by the pool. What an amazing pool, to the left side is where the beach is..

..all you have to do is walk out of the hotel to feel the sands in between your toes.

At night,

..to catch Richie Hawtin and Madga spin in the open air spot till the break of dawn. There were so many people and nobody wanted to leave up until 11am the next day.

DAY 3 and 4.

UltraSOund Festival.The outdoor scene. The Ultimate party.

..arriving at the city center. Taxis were everywhere knowing that plenty of tourists were there to catch the event.

..the entrance to the park. People were lining up to get last minute over-priced tickets. The smart ones who bought them online were lining up on the other side to make their way in.It was a park in the middle of the city, where there was enough air and space for people to move about.

..this was the main stage,whereby you had the view of the skyscrappers behind.

Everywhere you walked to you had different kinds of music blasting in the air,there was never one spot you went to that was silent.

..the view of the main stage from a distant.

This is the Rabbit Hole Stage,

..where Dj sasha and digweed made the crowd go crazy. If you look closer, behind the stage is the clear blue sea.

..this was another stage, where they played minimal music the whole night. Those star thingys hanging in the air lit up in yellow lights at night.

..people were not afraid to dress as they liked. You saw variation in fashion taste and the best part about it is, nothing was ugly.

haha.

..people from all over the world making their way to their favourite stages. You had food stalls lined up for people to get food when their hungry.Everything was over-priced but nobody really cared during that time.

..the crowd was constantly looking for beer and WATER. There were little carts being pushed around that was filled with bottle of beer and water. You pay $5+$1 tip for every cheap beer you get. That's pretty much the price you pay for a good beer when you are in a nice bar.

Like i said, there and then, nobody really cared.

..there was plenty of room to dance in the open air. Whenever it gets too stuffy near the stage, you can always walk out and find yourself a spot to breathe some fresh air. People were dripping in sweat, but nevertheless, happy.

..This was the stage where Moby performed. The most crowded stage ever because it was like a warehouse filled with people. There was no ventilation or what so ever. But the sound system was so damn good.

..he performed so well and had the best energy of all. Standing in front of the crowd on stage, he was always looking into their eyes, feeling their responses....smiling.amazing. Apparently everyone else who went for the event had more or less the same feeling about the event because there were many videos uploaded to show the different performances. TO see Moby perform his greatness, please click.

The sun set view was the most amazing, people were busy dancing and cheering but if you had stop for just one second to take a look at the sky...Shit, it was so beautiful. Also,because miami is pretty much situated close by the sea, every now and then you had this strong-gust of wind that just blew into your face,lifting your spirits higher up into the sky.

..and when the sun was setting, you couldnt help but think, "don't stop the music"...

During the night time, the laser lights came into action. somehow, the People had the best energy ever during the night... click.

..it was amazing lighting during Carl Cox's performance. Please click. And The best part about being inside (despite how queasy you can get due to the lack of air), is the people around you..everybody was nice to one another. Every time you looked over to the next person, they would look back and smile, knowingly, as those the eye contact was sufficient to express what a great moment it was.

..All in all, the many years of not attending great music events turned out to mean nothing when it came to the Winter Music Conference 2008. It became ONE of those memorably life experiences that you gain in this lifetime. Unfortunately, Words and pictures are just not enough to express the great feeling.
Otherwise, personally, i truly think that this feeling has to be shared with the world.