What went wrong?

Having to be told to be in the moment, is a sign of my disconnection.

A Reminder that you're Alive

In a strange sick way, pain is what reminds us that we are most alive-be it physical,mental or emotional. And if we are able to adapt to this concept, things will get better :)

Hello, Truth

I checked into hotel Reality last night, and woke up in another world.

Transtioning into Clarity

Did you find yourself stalled in this fragment of time, when you find yourself clogged up in an infinite array of questions?
And try with alll your might to find a resolution-an answer that will supposedly reach a finale?
I wonder, about those rare moment we get tangled with, where we become so uncertain to the next steps, due to the battle between the mind and the emotions. This battle, is linked to the notion of 'connection', instinct- when we detect some form of certainty,sparked out of no-where, should we really act upon it?
When you find yourself lured into a situation that ignites inner undefined,emotions, are we really suppose to follow-up with immediate actions, before the moment passes?
Remember that time,when you met a stranger in the most unusual scenario, and then felt like you had just encountered the most intense vibration of a connection that is perfectly alligned in that spilt second?
What did you do?
Did you react,and made sure you made full use of fulfilling a desire?
I find it disappointing to see how we are absolutely willing to let go of a supposed precious moment, in defence of emotion and scepticism, where we remain in disbelief of the possiblity of utopia. We reject the idea of serenity, only because we were trained so very well to realize the necessity of hardship and pain, the case of not attaining our dreams-because that it's what keeps us in balance,and in line with what the imperfections of life are suppose to contain.
I think its sad, that you had to forgo the opportunity of ultimate highness, and just disregard a particular moment due to our caged -up mentalities. We are led to think that we should't reach the peak,without suffering. We are not suppose to attain higher level of awareness, because doubts are needed to be there, for the sake of sanity.
Well, I think this itself, will drive me up the walls, and straight into the state of being JADED.
I don't care what society says,and that is a scary thought sometimes. Detachment is ideal but a tough task to pursue most times, but we seek for it anyway.
I reckon its time to leave it up to you, whether or not you will step up and take the desired actions at those parcticular moments where it feels most right, and just do it..
because if its not now, then when?

Say it in a Song

One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away
Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razorblade

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief
Ten days of perfect tunes
The colours red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you
You knew the hand of a devil
And you
Kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats in one night

To call for hands of above, to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me, no

The Knife - heartbeats / Jose Gonzales - heartbeats

Tired, drained.

When we get sucked in so much, that we get out of it in complete disorder?
All that we think is a product of our imagination,
It's like a fairy-tale,a story you craft for yourself,
and we tell ourselves that the only way to justify,
is by sharing them with others that keeps us believing,
that we maintain responsibility for an occasional reality check.

We forget

..that we should hold zero expectation on others, because it goes all down-hill from there on. Its either you reach infinity and connect on unimaginable levels, or be disconnected by clashing into a wall.
that barrier we see in others, why do we have this sick desire to want to break it down?
is it because we are drawn to the excitement of the unknown, or do we succumb to a sense of satisfaction when we reach to conclusions?
when one question continuously ends up into another question mark, are we in the end of the day caught in a loophole?where those sudden moment of inspiration is merely a momentary answer, that keeps us in place in that short period of time.
I could go on really, but why would one have the strength to endure all these branched out thoughts?
Why do we bother seeking for the same answers, over and over again?

Control

Let's try to take a moment to pause for a second, for this split millisecond, i'd like to draw out my thoughts, and somehow try to make sense of it.

In the event of Loss.

Lately strange events has been taking place, striking unwanted emotions we hoped so much to never endure. I have always imagined what it would feel like having to deal with time and the way it claim lives. With age, comes the moment where we would have to mark unexpected endings. Everyday we tell ourselves to live as if there will be no tomorrow, and so we react by fulfilling our desire and dreams.
But then the day comes where we witness the ones we care for, face the pain of loss. Standing by their sides, you mourn in silence for the end of one life. How do they breathe through the days with the mysterious feeling of emptiness?How does it feel to wake up and think that you can no longer have contact with that one person?
We console ourselves to be strong,to fight for survival because that is a part of living. Is it the art of forgetting that helps us get by? Epiphanies that we discover to keep us moving along.
Eventually,we get weak and find reasons to have that special one as a part of who we are. Companionship, becomes a technique to overcome loneliness. Even though we secretly know that we'd really all end up dying alone anyway, then why do we bother to make all these efforts to Love? It's really strange to see how these mechanisms work within our senses.
I find far too many moments where I become extremely uncertain to what i know, or at least what I think I know. Perhaps this is what growing up really is all about- discoveries for more of the unknown, realizations with constant amendments to its Truth.
Is there really a truth out there anyway? The problem with such ambiguity is that you take on any journey that lies ahead, following a flow that makes sense at present time. There shall be no right or wrong to decisions, but instead consequences that you take on with neutral judgment.
Many times I think I am crazy, but then I don't even know what crazy should really mean. But I do feel this high frequency of emotions, triggering every part of my 'sanity', and traveling through realities that I know nothing of.
Is it all merely a state of mind?

Penha, Brazil 2010

On that Verge.

They call it a 'state of limbo', but I wonder if it's still a limbo when it has lasted for 1 month. In an ideal world, this state of confusion, transition, adaptation should be over within a short period of time because as it is, life is way too short to waste time on uncertainties.
No matter how hard you try to be the puppet master of the self, this art of control becomes rather tedious when it comes to building perspectives.
I don't care what the majority tells me about decision-making processes, but i'm tired of analyzing. I'm tired of thinking and feeling, which means i am tired of BEING.
Is it even possible to feel neither?
I'd say yes.
The problem is not how to achieve it, but how to prolong it. You know those seconds that you encounter, when nothing else matters;not what you feel,or think, but merely that one particular moment. It's like this blankness you endure,and all that matters is there and then, now and here.
Forget the past and future and just BE present.
But how do you BE when you're in a continuous relationship with different time-lines?
This balancing act becomes off-balanced when you're constantly trying to create leverage between the wants and the supposed.
I guess its rather hard when you resort to routes that you were never really sure of in the first place. Why should we feel this constant struggle to FIT IN to something?to belong?
I know "Freedom" is subjective, but since its relative, it should be easier for us to craft it,right?

Tech-Savvy

GOT YA!!
aha!
take that,you censorship devil!
I actually missed my blog!what a loser comment.

...........back to my emo-state-of-mind:

I am in a world so unknown that every now and then, I crack into a smile as though it was a form of humour. I am roaming around this strange land that is making me strangely connected to "home". I still don't know what it is, but it seems like I find ways to identify that sense of comfort, as though its a form of longing for something that is not even there.
I don't remember feeling this way 2 months ago when I was in South America. Biased perspective? For sure. At least I'm aware of it. And here I am participating in this monologue as though I need an audience. I guess what i really do need is a reminder to what I had found in all my ventures and more importantly, to not forget that energy I had found and changed these way of living that had kept me bounded.