..this song.

Another night
Wonder what is happening
I see inside
Everything's nonsensecal

And we hang from wires of different sizes
Irresponsibly
When we cut the lines
It hurts us more and more

It never happens
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Until you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

This love like glass
Sloding on another pain
I let it pass
To return again and again

Yeah it's never wasted energy
I's all transferrable
We can burn inside
'Till we can breathe again

It doesn't happen
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Untill you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

for those who bothers to listen:
shinichi osawa~state of permission.

Uh-oh.

-I'm Starting to feel the challenge rise by the day.
-Being a dreamer is costly.
-i should stop dreaming.
-everyday,im more certain about my forest plan.
-key words:village.farm
-money is damn evil
-i need to be more smarter?more creative?
-random note:malaysia airlines is disappointing

A Visitor

I was in my room on a fairly normal Sunday evening when i heard the shrieks of the ladies in the house.
"there it is,there it is!!",they yelled.
"its going up!its headed there..!" they continued.
And So,curious ol' me decided to take a peek out of my window just to see what the fuss was all about.And then i saw it.I glanced to the left side to see a grey-ish slim-fluffy-long-thing that lingered around the grill.
My eyes followed the fluffy trail,only to discover a almost-human-like face staring back and me.
I was stunned for a moment and took a mini-leap backwards.
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A MONKEY DOING OUTSIDE MY BALCONY?
To join in the fuss, I barged out the room and bellowed,"THE MONKEY IS HERE!OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!"
After which the family made their way upstairs into my room.
While i was waiting for their arrival,i stared intently into the monkeys eyes.Perhaps it was the fact that the monkey had appeared out of no-where that i felt shivers down my spine.I couldn't help but ponder on the possibility of it attacking me,while I'm asleep.
When i looked below the monkey's body,i noticed a waist-band tied around its body.
"So it belongs to somebody",i thought to myself.
The monkey didn't take it eyes off me.I froze,while it started crawling nearer.So close,up until its face was almost pressing onto the glass.
"Hm mmmmmmmmmmmmm...",i thought.
Finally,the gang was all up in my room,and so i switched on the lights outside,which then made a clearer view of the monkey.
(And also,a private part of my room which was rather embarrassing because everyone just stood there,staring into the monkey when my 'secret' object was left there,EXPOSED!!)
ANYHOW,
It was fairly well-taken care of,we thought.I mean,I've never seen a 'dirty' monkey before,but this one sure looked clean.or rather,groomed?
The monkey remained in its position as though it was exhibiting itself under the lights,while we,the spectators continued staring.
After a while,i got bored and said,"maybe if u just switch off the lights and close the curtain,it would eventually go away".
And so we did,and within minutes,it was gone.
It got me thinking,where on earth this this lost-monkey appeared from?Despite the panic that struck the family,i was pretty sure i could see the fear in the monkey's eyes as well.
I mean sure,the human side reacts only by assuming like every other non-human creatures,there's a chance that the monkey might attack.
But then,damn!If i was the monkey,I'd be shitting all over in fear to see all these weird-like faces gawking into my direction.
Safe journey to you,monkey!

7am

..and my eyes flipped open.
those thoughts have somehow found their way back into my head.
how do i always end up at this point,where my brain is constantly seeking for resolutions.
built upon fragile theories that conclude repetitive solutions.
i learned to forget these thoughts only because they left me no-where.

A Tribute..

..to the life left behind. 'Paradise' that was not just bounded by a never-ending beauty;the package came with a lifestyle that re-defined my understanding of f r e e d o m. I never gotten around to writing a story about Key West,really because I can't decide where the starting or ending should be. The multiple stories it carries breaks the structure of a complete story. There's just too many details I don't want to leave out because it's those mini tales that shapes the entire experience.

Those walls.

Once again, it's concluded that those walls were necessary after all. Those who peeked through the tiny cracks seem to have saw something. Something that they had wanted to obtain. something that grew on their desires.
Little did they know that the shining light that caught their attention was only to lead them to an ultimate disaster. It was poisonous and harmful in there. Secrets meant to be hidden, Truth(s) better off disclosed. Had they not realize that the great walls were built for a cause?
Would it have made a difference if precautions had existed in the first place?Perhaps a warning sign should have been posted up along the trails that had led them closer to the wall. One that said,

"Turn around.Do not come any closer.Danger."

Would they have obeyed, anyway?
Those walls were built for a reason. Because if they had crumbled down, the supposed 'shining' light would pierce through your entire being. And then, YOU would just crumble and fall.

Momentous indeed.How Ironic.

Port Dickson.

Smoked.
Smoked it.all.away.

The water danced away along with the continuous breeze, resulting to a shimmering light-fest upon the surface of the sea. All four of them sat and stood motionless, gazing into the same beauty, yet drifted away into their respective thoughts. It was as if the sky was calling out for respect, and the gazers did not have to think twice before they allowed the silence. Everything that had mattered within minutes ago had easily vanished and disappeared into the air.

Perhaps the issues were never really important in the first place.

Perhaps the evolving sun and clouds within the sky had bought their attention.

Time was kept in a vacuum as they waited for the swirling clouds to form shapes, that would force them to memorize the beauty of the moment. A free-willing force, of course. And then suddenly, they united their presence by generating a mutual feeling they had found and felt..

It was non-other than peace and serenity.

anticipating the fall

The past 24 hours had been rumbling through, somewhat unease. The supposed sleeping hours were spent awake, tied down with eyes wide open on the bed.
Ray Lamontagne tried to serenade me to my other world but instead, i stayed in his world and listened to his words.
Nobody really understood the reasons behind the paranoia but rather questioned, "what's there to be nervous about?"
and i guess i didn't seem to know the right words to answer their queries.

Surely enough, the gut feelings proved right. Driving my way back onto that familiar LDP highway, i blasted Dj sasha's beats to avoid any possibility of a weak emotion.
but somehow,my thoughts managed to move its way vigorously along with the bass.
Parked the car in a non-familiar spot only to avoid recurrences.
walked onto a different path only to avoid flashbacks.
Stepped into a lecture hall almost empty, which was comforting.

"..blah,blah...why should media audiences matter?...audiences no longer passive but rather active blah ..blah..blah.."

space.
spaced.
spaced out.

Left the already-filled up hall to arrive to a busy cafeteria. To the crowded spots of unknown faces and conversations i couldn't comprehend with.

Walk.
walked.
walked away.

Took the lift up to the 6th floor, pathetically hoping to see a couple of faces I wanted to see. but They were not there.
and when that one face spotted me and said, "hello", with her almost-suprised tone. I waited for the wave of comfort to splash over me.
and it didn't. i looked into her face like how i use to, only to realize a familiarity that was no longer there.

Took the lift back down and fumbled for my parking ticket and car keys. Kept my feet walking to bring myself further away from the groups of people.

people moving here and there.loners heads-down with their headphones.girlies giggling with their high-heels.nerdies rushing-away with their heavy books.boys trying-hard with their 'cool-poses'.
continuous passerby headed for particular directions.

were they running away too?

Eventually bumped into familiar faces but was suprised with news, that drew the finale.
got into the car,sweating more than usual. Drove away with dj Sasha blasting away again.

It didn't work this time. The reason came through and then it cracked open.

..breaking every strength that had held on in the past hours.

just broke.