anticipating the fall

The past 24 hours had been rumbling through, somewhat unease. The supposed sleeping hours were spent awake, tied down with eyes wide open on the bed.
Ray Lamontagne tried to serenade me to my other world but instead, i stayed in his world and listened to his words.
Nobody really understood the reasons behind the paranoia but rather questioned, "what's there to be nervous about?"
and i guess i didn't seem to know the right words to answer their queries.

Surely enough, the gut feelings proved right. Driving my way back onto that familiar LDP highway, i blasted Dj sasha's beats to avoid any possibility of a weak emotion.
but somehow,my thoughts managed to move its way vigorously along with the bass.
Parked the car in a non-familiar spot only to avoid recurrences.
walked onto a different path only to avoid flashbacks.
Stepped into a lecture hall almost empty, which was comforting.

"..blah,blah...why should media audiences matter?...audiences no longer passive but rather active blah ..blah..blah.."

space.
spaced.
spaced out.

Left the already-filled up hall to arrive to a busy cafeteria. To the crowded spots of unknown faces and conversations i couldn't comprehend with.

Walk.
walked.
walked away.

Took the lift up to the 6th floor, pathetically hoping to see a couple of faces I wanted to see. but They were not there.
and when that one face spotted me and said, "hello", with her almost-suprised tone. I waited for the wave of comfort to splash over me.
and it didn't. i looked into her face like how i use to, only to realize a familiarity that was no longer there.

Took the lift back down and fumbled for my parking ticket and car keys. Kept my feet walking to bring myself further away from the groups of people.

people moving here and there.loners heads-down with their headphones.girlies giggling with their high-heels.nerdies rushing-away with their heavy books.boys trying-hard with their 'cool-poses'.
continuous passerby headed for particular directions.

were they running away too?

Eventually bumped into familiar faces but was suprised with news, that drew the finale.
got into the car,sweating more than usual. Drove away with dj Sasha blasting away again.

It didn't work this time. The reason came through and then it cracked open.

..breaking every strength that had held on in the past hours.

just broke.