Room Window

Every evening, anticipate a new masterpiece in the sky. All that's missing from this window view is my beach and mountains.

You're Inspiring.

I get an odd sense of adrenalin when I encounter individuals who embark on a life mission in the name of passion. All these information I absorb, only to learn, and discover the variable ways people tend to live their lives.
So I'm a listener, not merely through sound and vision, but also through empathy.
It's easy to complicate this connection with emotions, but that's really not the point.

Recently, I've engage in a series of events that made my path collide with another scavenger. Hungry and yearning to make 'living' the best that it can be imagined to be. Those surprise appearance of the previous actors, to new-found candidates, and eventually, the potential participants. All of which carry stories with them. And when these tales make extraordinary sense to you, it's difficult to not be amazed.
Slightly skeptical for not being able to believe immediately, and simultaneously, bearing these conflicted voices that's dying to explain how well we get it.

"I understand what you're saying, and more importantly, I GET IT".
These words are not enough to describe the way I can relate to what you've said. And I guess, I just wanted you to know that.
..and may I quote:
"Every once in a while, it turns out that you say “wow, I got that feeling that I wanted, what I felt when I saw that scene.”

http://momentsoftruth.wordpress.com/latest/

So How do u want to Live?

Have you ever reached that point in life,where you begin to worry about the insufficiency of Time?
It feels almost like a dilemma, where your uncertainties question the rationale you built as a reason to live. Not merely live, but to live in the best way you could, as well as you can, to endure a sense of satisfaction. It's a feeling of reward when achievements are made.
What if you had always felt matured and wary of your entire being ever since you were born. You were absolutely conscious of every experience until the very day today.
But then suddenly, when you think about tomorrow, and the after years that you have no control of, you can't help but feel hopeless. Not necessarily the negative kind, but rather the ambiguous nausea you get when faced with a situation that you cannot grasp onto. Because it is simply beyond your control.
I'm not going to lie, growing older scares me.
Maybe not so much the numbers, but just the fact that you've lived so much that you're just overwhelmed.
Sometimes far too extreme for the emotions to handle.
I can't help but question, will I have to look back someday to something great that I had let go off? That I had succumb to 'reality' because of all these rules and logic to how the chronology of life events are suppose to be? Had I been too weak that I refused to follow my instincts? It seems that when tied down to a monotonous flow, you get stuck into these recycled thoughts.
Do you ever look to your parents or the othersm and secretly hope that you will never end up like them?
Not because you're insulting their ways, but you'd just rather not end up not knowing how to believe. These state of limbos force you to make sure that you make the best decisions. Choices you perceive as circumstances that you're willing to accept.
Are you going to forget to tell yourself how to live through desires?

Music re-Discovery

We find different ways to collect music from various sources,only to find ourselves stuck in a situation where you no longer know what you want to listen to. It amazes me to how my gallery of heard and unheard melodies had been unsatisfying for the past weeks. Every time I find something new, which is fairly often, it had not stuck around as long as I wished it would.
Last night, I rediscovered music that shook me to the core.
And I'm listening to them right about now. Call me dramatic, but I get this crazy urge to just break-out into tears just by listening to my new found discovery. I'm so happy and I don't have the words for it and even the weak reaction of 'sharing with the other' is not gonna help. because there's just something about these tunes that speaks to my soul. And excuse my exaggeration, but I'm grateful for this relief.
I can't pretend that these words don't sound corny, but I'm even smiling as I'm typing.
AHHhHhhhhhhh.................~

Rewind,please?

I wonder, what is it about spreading our arms that resembles this sense of 'freedom'? It's amazing how this action tends to accommodate this undefined feeling we encounter on those rare moments.

I miss it :)

Tranquilized.

Lately it feels as though I'm living in a vacuum. There are these moments where I engage myself into thinking that I'm on an agenda. That I have something worth pursuing in these seconds and minutes that are supposedly precious. I'm conscious of the fact that it's half past a year and I'm not quite sure where the months had gone to. No doubt 2010 is not something I'm looking forward to. Not because of cynicism really,but as it is, its even difficult to tie down something to look forward to in the next week. All these prep talk of self-realization and acceptance is really not the point. On one hand it seems as though you're living in the past guarded by denial while on the other, you're just stranded when you don't design goals to reach for.
If I could make a report to show the number of situations that reminded me of my uncertainties, it'd probably be a substantial one. Ironically, I'm suppose to be at the stage where I'm wary of my responsibilities to my future.
Well,I'm sorry but It's still bleak.
They are saying that I'm a wishful thinker and that soon enough, I'll be long gone from this phase.
And when I defend my standings, I get thrown back with a sympathetic expression and those I-know-something-you-don't-know-smile, "yeah...We'll see".
I've identified the cause to these never-ending wanders of mine. Everything else becomes a problem when the very core of your believe does not recognize the meaning to what is right and wrong. When everything is justified as questionable, you're basically doomed.
Ofcourse It's easier to believe! Ofcourse!
They are starting to notice that I think everything is an illusion. And as i laugh along with the humour of that perception, I can't help but overhear the voices of worry inside.
This is my battle to deal with perhaps, and as long as I can distinguish the differences and hold up this way of life, I'll be okay.

I hope your Happy..

..because after all, that IS the point,right? You choose to be alone in order to obtain ultimate freedom in making uncompromisable decisions. To have the liberty to decide solely based on the self, without having to worry about emotions tied to the other. Our supposed prime time is NOW, and if we don't make it happen while we're capable of it, we'd have to wait on something so ambiguous that may end before u even know it.
The sacrifice made is kept inside guided by this mentality that 'its for the better'. Really. And eventually you evolve according to those thoughts and just, make it work. That's our ability to survive, and more importantly, to progress.
So don't wait around for the 'what ifs' that makes it all blurry and just move forward. Any second you develop a sense of doubt, you make sure you run faster to that direction, with all your might and will.
And if you crash,
you'd probably tumble back down between laughter and tears. You decide what it should mean to you.
In the end of the day, a choice you had to make is all you ever have to deal with. Everything after should be a follow up until you reach another junction that requires another judgment from you.

Lately Felt Alived

Made yet another trip down to the East Coast.Never knew that Kuantan had its hidden beauty, until someone revealed the secret.Its always liberating when you start an early morning journey accompanied by the sun rising skies. Who would have thought that it only takes a 3 hour drive to a more laid-back serene environment which makes you question the congestion encountered in the city.

The unexpected trip to Yogyakarta was an unusual eye-opener. It was a good idea in the beginning to set aside all potential expectations to create an open heart. True enough, the city had brought a reminder to the existence of minority communities that live far beyond what we imagine. We take a step back into what we use to remember of simplicity. The opportunity to come in terms with other beings who strive for their passion brings inspiration to our believes. Our world here is way too small to conclude its sufficiency in our understandings. There's just no reason to why a person should say 'no' to the invites into the best things in life that we tend to forget.
A fragment of time can mean more than a full-length eternity. Experiences that demand re-occurrences.
IT is true that the camera plays a tiny role in preserving these memories. After a while it fades into a blurry state of mind. And because of that, we begin yet another mission of achieving a different version of history.

To-do Lists

So,I finally sat myself down for a good few hours to calculate what I need before graduation. And when I finally concluded the choice of subjects, my online Monash-portal tells me that I 'failed to re-enrol' myself during the designated dates, and that I should 'contact the Faculty' otherwise you can't pursue the following semester.
Err...
Where did I go wrong again?

Floaty Head

It's either I've truly succeeded in living within my own little segregated world, or I'm somehow impersonating some kind of acting roles in my so-called reality. Every now and then you hear these comments about you that brings one of those immediate reactions where you go,"HUHHHH????"
Of course, the first thought that we had trained ourselves to believe is to never be subjected to what others may think of us. In other words, to NOT GIVE A DAMN about people's opinion.
We strive very hard for it, but as hard as we try,we know we can't run away from it. This is my theory:So long as I myself have judgements and opinions, I am willing to accept the fact that every other human probably does as well. But this 'acceptance' does not necessarily mean the act of being affected by those opinions. It's really the question of whether you agree/disagree with those ideas, in which it then becomes something you want to negotiated with, by 'choice' really.

It just amazes me how Dad had said,"you're kinda like racist,you only stick to certain kind of people".
I swear,there and then my entire thinking system went *blank*.
I responded by saying it is absolutely not true.But, I'm so glad I didn't get too defensive.Instead, the thought chuckled me a bit.Because I know myself better than that.I completely understood the various perceptions in which his ideas were coming from. But I just didn't see the point of justifying myself,to the point that he would abolish those perceptions. I'm really not planning to 'correct' it.
In the end of the day, how far would you go to defend the self in this world of judgements?

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

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Those poor innocent sharks!!!
not only are they murdered but kept frozen to store those goodies?Imagine the desperation in this profit-making-drug-industry to the point of extreme creativity?I mean,I would never imagine to use like dead animals to transport these candies abroad.Seriously,are we humans supporting this market that's maintaining the demand of these goods?
Our addictions are perpetuating the lives of these animals.Private airplanes like in the movie 'Blow' doesn't work anymore, these drug dealers have to come up with bigger ideas.No judgement here for their choice of occupation but seriously, there should at least be ethics in their smuggling techniques.Forget the ethics of selling these snorty powder because its really the choice of people in their consumer habits.
My theory is,Why blame the supply when you,yourself initiate the demand?
So screw you humans, but instead, don't bloody use animals to support your materialistic needs!
*annoyed*
In the end,the table gets turned around again and we humans would be the one suffering the outcome of these unreasonable killings .All those sea-lovers out there will see less of these creatures,what more the sea-lovers of the future?
i don't know man...there should be enough space in this universe for people to fulfill their desires,without the killing of lives.