Music re-Discovery

We find different ways to collect music from various sources,only to find ourselves stuck in a situation where you no longer know what you want to listen to. It amazes me to how my gallery of heard and unheard melodies had been unsatisfying for the past weeks. Every time I find something new, which is fairly often, it had not stuck around as long as I wished it would.
Last night, I rediscovered music that shook me to the core.
And I'm listening to them right about now. Call me dramatic, but I get this crazy urge to just break-out into tears just by listening to my new found discovery. I'm so happy and I don't have the words for it and even the weak reaction of 'sharing with the other' is not gonna help. because there's just something about these tunes that speaks to my soul. And excuse my exaggeration, but I'm grateful for this relief.
I can't pretend that these words don't sound corny, but I'm even smiling as I'm typing.
AHHhHhhhhhhh.................~

Rewind,please?

I wonder, what is it about spreading our arms that resembles this sense of 'freedom'? It's amazing how this action tends to accommodate this undefined feeling we encounter on those rare moments.

I miss it :)

Tranquilized.

Lately it feels as though I'm living in a vacuum. There are these moments where I engage myself into thinking that I'm on an agenda. That I have something worth pursuing in these seconds and minutes that are supposedly precious. I'm conscious of the fact that it's half past a year and I'm not quite sure where the months had gone to. No doubt 2010 is not something I'm looking forward to. Not because of cynicism really,but as it is, its even difficult to tie down something to look forward to in the next week. All these prep talk of self-realization and acceptance is really not the point. On one hand it seems as though you're living in the past guarded by denial while on the other, you're just stranded when you don't design goals to reach for.
If I could make a report to show the number of situations that reminded me of my uncertainties, it'd probably be a substantial one. Ironically, I'm suppose to be at the stage where I'm wary of my responsibilities to my future.
Well,I'm sorry but It's still bleak.
They are saying that I'm a wishful thinker and that soon enough, I'll be long gone from this phase.
And when I defend my standings, I get thrown back with a sympathetic expression and those I-know-something-you-don't-know-smile, "yeah...We'll see".
I've identified the cause to these never-ending wanders of mine. Everything else becomes a problem when the very core of your believe does not recognize the meaning to what is right and wrong. When everything is justified as questionable, you're basically doomed.
Ofcourse It's easier to believe! Ofcourse!
They are starting to notice that I think everything is an illusion. And as i laugh along with the humour of that perception, I can't help but overhear the voices of worry inside.
This is my battle to deal with perhaps, and as long as I can distinguish the differences and hold up this way of life, I'll be okay.

I hope your Happy..

..because after all, that IS the point,right? You choose to be alone in order to obtain ultimate freedom in making uncompromisable decisions. To have the liberty to decide solely based on the self, without having to worry about emotions tied to the other. Our supposed prime time is NOW, and if we don't make it happen while we're capable of it, we'd have to wait on something so ambiguous that may end before u even know it.
The sacrifice made is kept inside guided by this mentality that 'its for the better'. Really. And eventually you evolve according to those thoughts and just, make it work. That's our ability to survive, and more importantly, to progress.
So don't wait around for the 'what ifs' that makes it all blurry and just move forward. Any second you develop a sense of doubt, you make sure you run faster to that direction, with all your might and will.
And if you crash,
you'd probably tumble back down between laughter and tears. You decide what it should mean to you.
In the end of the day, a choice you had to make is all you ever have to deal with. Everything after should be a follow up until you reach another junction that requires another judgment from you.

Lately Felt Alived

Made yet another trip down to the East Coast.Never knew that Kuantan had its hidden beauty, until someone revealed the secret.Its always liberating when you start an early morning journey accompanied by the sun rising skies. Who would have thought that it only takes a 3 hour drive to a more laid-back serene environment which makes you question the congestion encountered in the city.

The unexpected trip to Yogyakarta was an unusual eye-opener. It was a good idea in the beginning to set aside all potential expectations to create an open heart. True enough, the city had brought a reminder to the existence of minority communities that live far beyond what we imagine. We take a step back into what we use to remember of simplicity. The opportunity to come in terms with other beings who strive for their passion brings inspiration to our believes. Our world here is way too small to conclude its sufficiency in our understandings. There's just no reason to why a person should say 'no' to the invites into the best things in life that we tend to forget.
A fragment of time can mean more than a full-length eternity. Experiences that demand re-occurrences.
IT is true that the camera plays a tiny role in preserving these memories. After a while it fades into a blurry state of mind. And because of that, we begin yet another mission of achieving a different version of history.

To-do Lists

So,I finally sat myself down for a good few hours to calculate what I need before graduation. And when I finally concluded the choice of subjects, my online Monash-portal tells me that I 'failed to re-enrol' myself during the designated dates, and that I should 'contact the Faculty' otherwise you can't pursue the following semester.
Err...
Where did I go wrong again?

Floaty Head

It's either I've truly succeeded in living within my own little segregated world, or I'm somehow impersonating some kind of acting roles in my so-called reality. Every now and then you hear these comments about you that brings one of those immediate reactions where you go,"HUHHHH????"
Of course, the first thought that we had trained ourselves to believe is to never be subjected to what others may think of us. In other words, to NOT GIVE A DAMN about people's opinion.
We strive very hard for it, but as hard as we try,we know we can't run away from it. This is my theory:So long as I myself have judgements and opinions, I am willing to accept the fact that every other human probably does as well. But this 'acceptance' does not necessarily mean the act of being affected by those opinions. It's really the question of whether you agree/disagree with those ideas, in which it then becomes something you want to negotiated with, by 'choice' really.

It just amazes me how Dad had said,"you're kinda like racist,you only stick to certain kind of people".
I swear,there and then my entire thinking system went *blank*.
I responded by saying it is absolutely not true.But, I'm so glad I didn't get too defensive.Instead, the thought chuckled me a bit.Because I know myself better than that.I completely understood the various perceptions in which his ideas were coming from. But I just didn't see the point of justifying myself,to the point that he would abolish those perceptions. I'm really not planning to 'correct' it.
In the end of the day, how far would you go to defend the self in this world of judgements?

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

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Those poor innocent sharks!!!
not only are they murdered but kept frozen to store those goodies?Imagine the desperation in this profit-making-drug-industry to the point of extreme creativity?I mean,I would never imagine to use like dead animals to transport these candies abroad.Seriously,are we humans supporting this market that's maintaining the demand of these goods?
Our addictions are perpetuating the lives of these animals.Private airplanes like in the movie 'Blow' doesn't work anymore, these drug dealers have to come up with bigger ideas.No judgement here for their choice of occupation but seriously, there should at least be ethics in their smuggling techniques.Forget the ethics of selling these snorty powder because its really the choice of people in their consumer habits.
My theory is,Why blame the supply when you,yourself initiate the demand?
So screw you humans, but instead, don't bloody use animals to support your materialistic needs!
*annoyed*
In the end,the table gets turned around again and we humans would be the one suffering the outcome of these unreasonable killings .All those sea-lovers out there will see less of these creatures,what more the sea-lovers of the future?
i don't know man...there should be enough space in this universe for people to fulfill their desires,without the killing of lives.

Dearest Karma,

I may have repetitively express my disagreements on your existence, but I'd really like to make a special request for this one time event. You see,its my procrastination that has been getting in the way. Its exams month and though the first paper is on the way, I have successfully found myself engaging in a range of other activities that was perceived to be more beneficial than studying. I may be on my way into jinxing my so-called 'luck'. Once again dear Luck, I may not believe in you, but I just felt like talking to you tonight about the exams on Tuesday. I know I've pushed my limit into the last day, and have probably never done this in my life but this time round. Though I very much favour the excuse of emotional and mental breakdowns, I can;t deny that I'm still out there living my days as though I'm normal. I spoke to a couple of mates about this issue, and apparently they pulled through fine.
With that, I know by tomorrow I would have no choice but to start studying. So, tonight I'll sleep in early and hope that by the early morning tomorrow, I will magically wake up and automatically get into the study mode.
If this plan shall fail, I hope you make this one time exception by not entering into this phase of my life. Please go find someone else to play with and I'll promise to buck up eventually.
Thanks!

Funny feeling

Not the laughing kind,really.
its an odd feeling that twitching in my body and i want nothing more than for it to go away as soon as possible. I guess i just have to wait and let it pass,just like everything else. Find all these distractions and to-do's to fill up these spaces,and hopefully change it into better feelings.

Its never enough.

It seems no matter how much u travel, the satisfaction is merely momentary. Its so contradictory to how I find peace in the furthest parts away from my comfort zone. And then there are those many times, when I find so much security just staying stagnant here in this little world.

All these beauty I've seen and not have the words to repaint the picture seem to kill me in some ways. why is there a need to share these experiences? Collectively,these encountered moments assist us in these so-called enlightened route. But,there are far too many routes to choose from and then,you just end up taking whatever that comes along.

We imagine ourselves to move with the consequences of every action taken and call it, "going with the flow". maybe we just hate to tie down our options eve when we find one. maybe we love the infinite possibilities out there, that we rather stay lost. We whine about confusion without realizing that we crave for it in the beginning.

We find serenity only to break it for more wearies.
Funny beings we are, especially when we summarize these thoughts and say, "that's just life,right?"
ever so simplified, ever so complex.

*snapping*out*of*it*

Byron bay was magical, even without the good words they had put into that place, I'm pretty sure i would have felt the same vibe as I had. I found a way to believe that there's magic in some places in this world. What was amazing was that, after walking around the town the entire day.I grabbed a bunch of brochures and one particular booklet, which was labeled 'Rusty Byron Bay' (or something like that). There's also pieces about that place that had brought memories of Key west.

After I got back to Coolangatta, i read the booklet,and was so amazed to find a couple of articles in there,written by some of those people who had lived in Byron since they first set their foot there. believe it or not, they crafted words that had described the feeling i had when i was there.

I don't know if its a coincidence, but there's definitely got to be something special there. Because not only in those booklet,but compared to the other description of tourist spots, something similar was always mentioned about that place.
maybe i'm delusional.
maybe it's merely a universal language in the surfer world.
maybe its the hippie-ness that spoke the same emotions.
may.be.