sigh.

Who would have thought that festive celebrations regardless of where you are means nothing without people you care for.

Who would have thought that the primary challenge would lie within the test of courage?
to be able to speak and say when and where you want to.just seem to sound so simple when you are not even able to let the words come out of your mouth.a nd when the moment passes,you beat up yourself for not being able to act there and then when the moment was present.

note to self:must speak whenever the words are there and ready to go.

i miss listening to music.

remember when you said the first two weeks would be the hardest?
fuck that.
its constantly deteriorating by the days.guess the graph chart worked differently this time...

new year's is a-comin'..

what ever happen to the word 'resolution'?
i know i forgot about it long time ago.....

?

these sentences have been said far too often only to result to meaningless words:

"Keep in Touch"

Moments.

Everyday of your life you are constantly being reminded to live for that one second,to saviour the entire minute of singular seconds.hours.days.whatever the duration may be.we see it as that "once upon a time" story you found yourself involved with.
sometimes being too cautious and needy of those 'moments' just leaves you in a situation that you begin to feel disgusted and sick of being IN IT.
I guess when that happens thats when you realize that the phase is coming to an end.You decide or at least unconciously slip away into a different dimension.nonetheless, still parallel to what you're taught to believe and KNOW.
but io guess its because its such F*ckin fantastic feeling that its too difficult to rather NOT have it.
right?

?

where are you?

boo... :(

exploitation sucks.
enough said.
kerja buruh sial.

hmm..

travel blog?
malas la.

Airports are weird.
note to self: riding a plane filled with hong-ki's = (-_-)

There comes a point when you face situations that you never really understood. The reasoning becomes weaker as its blinded by emotions. Somehow, you don't turn back.There's no alternative but to walk forward.

time to go.

Floating on 'Cloud number-I-don't-know'.

?

Never ever imagined the day that imaginations are grounded upon a black,starry & blank picture.
So silent and still, there seem to be no basis to re-create an image.
What do you do then?
How do you live through the seconds and minutes without knowing what the hour would result to be?

Go Watch: The Underground

For Krystal..

the Underground

Nov 30 - Dec 1;

7pm

in the dark of the night

a group of students

a montage of unusual scripts

mature audiences only

free admission

limited seating available

The Underground is a student-led theater venture taking place in the International School of Kuala Lumpur, which aims to disturb comfort zones and confront stereotypes about theater, life and people. All plays are original, and deal with the mind and matter of current ISKL student philosophies.

"there are only so few four letter words I believe in"

"because scars last longer than hickeys"

"momentum is a myth"

"did you know you were lying?"

"it chains us to it, reels us in, saps us of our juices, and spits us out all the sorrier in the end"

Sounds good,yeah?

p/s:If interested, please let me know and I will let you know how to go about it.

Go watch: The Illusion

For Kelvin: I'm proud of you :)

The Illusion
What in this world is real and not seeming?

The Oral Stage presents The Illusion, a free adaptation by Tony Kushner based on Pierre Corneille's neoclassical French comedy, L'Illusion Comique. The Illusion follows a contrite father seeking news of his prodigal son from a sorcerer. As she conjures episodes from the young man's life, the father confronts the ultimate- and unexpected- truth about his son. The Illusion weaves obsession and caprice, romance and murder, fact and fiction, into an enticing exploration of the greatest illusion of all- love.

This production falls under TOS' biggstage division, a creative outlet for more experienced individuals to be part of theatre productions at a more professional and advanced level. The Illusion would be TOS' first full-length feature in its three years of establishment.

Featuring Isma Hanum Husein, Mohamed Shamir, Christine Ellis, Yong Ka Vee, Marvin Wong, Batsheba Zlikha Arsalan, Azmir Abdullah and Mark Beau de Silva. Produced by Christine Ellis and directed by Kelvin Wong. Supported by The Dram Projects.

Showdates & Time
13th – 16th & 19th – 21st December 2007, 8.30 pm
3.00 pm on 22nd December

Venue
The Dram Projects studio
BG-06, Happy Mansion Apartments
Jalan 17/13, 46400 Petaling Jaya

Tickets
RM20

Ticket contact
017-2776428

On the web
http://walloftheillusion.blogspot.com/

November 10,2007.

"illegal"

"peaceful gathering"

"terpaksa"

"want freedom and democracy"

"rights"

"the people"

"majority"

"represent"

"protest"

"riots"

"violence"

"oppositions"

"authoritative"

"free and clean elections"

"peace"

"I don't care"

"I don't know"

..Which word strikes you?
If you're still unaware, start clicking:


CNN International: news coverage

TV3: tv coverage

NTV7: tv coverage

RTM: tv coverage

AL-Jazeera with Jeff Ooi

Al-Jazeera with Anwar Ibrahim

Malaysiakini: tv coverage + News

Melody Song: "you've got a long way to go"

Sue Ann: "When yellow turns black"

The Malaysian: "Police turn water cannon on protesters"

Lim Kit Siang: "Bersih Gathering/Petition to Agong - PM should show the world that Malaysia is a democratic country” (click this too)

harakah daily

Also checked out patrick teoh's site, funny how he associates the event with the movie V for Vendetta.

..that's all I've browsed through for now.Do share if you have more.

..

Question: "Are you happy?"

Speaker VS. Listener

BLah.

Blah.

yak-

kity,

)(*&^%$#@!@$%

yak.

yak.

mumble.

rahh,

rahh..

blah.

blah.

huh..

)*^%!#$%^&*^^^&%$%

chatter..

babble.

...........................................................

............................

These are what your words mean when you moan.

Crash.Break.

Ever felt like driving the car so fast to just smash into whatever that comes before your eyes? Or to just admire all those pretty things in your room,placed orderly in particular positions, only to find yourself wanting more than ever to wipe them all away?Or to notice a pretty green garden and to just have the desire to stomp al over those pathetic daisies and dandelions?

pretty.
good.
and nice.

..are all words we learned to associate with things that are neat and organized.Arranged in particular ways to produce particular 'desirable' effects.Anything other than what the ordinary is, is suppose to be..

ugly.
disturbing.
and wrong.

When your 'world' is painted with heart-wrenching events.
You hear things that make you hurl and wither.
Uexpected stories that triggers your point of sanity.
and come across incidences that distracts your 'normal' parameters.

you complain.
moan.
ache.

only to find yourself disappearing into thin air.
As you allow these moments to chew on to your soul.
Forced to re-negotiate your current state of being.
What becomes of you?

Thinking of the rock stars now....
just Grab a guitar.
strum it out of your wits.
and smash it like a mad-man.

If only hitting a person is legal and 'normal'.
sigh, Punch. punch. kick.

Limitations..

You either know of it or wait till it hits you hard.

If only these boundaries are visible enough that you're able to measure as to when and where to stop.

sometimes its good to stop for a moment..

if only we knew when enough is enough.

Sick Cycle Carousel

You find yourself trapped in a merry-go-round.
Except you find that you're no longer smiling with glee whilst enjoying the breeze,
tousling your hair.
You find yourself gripping on tight to the handle bar,
not knowing why you're still riding it when you feel the urge to hurl.
Not knowing how to jump off from the endless spin.
Not knowing what's awaiting for you out there.
clenched your fist and closed your eyes..
you continue to breathe in the air..
watching yourself spin round and r o u n d.
today, here and now.
again
and again.

Break away from one carousel and stumble on to the next..
Unless if you come across a collage of cycles..?
Like the mechanisms behind a grandfather clock.
Leap across from one to another,
you face cycles that intertwines with one another..
Perhaps you know what to expect
but the experiences are never the same,
you feel differently,
you react differently.

It's suppose to be safer to hang on rather than to let go,
because you'd be flying off into unknown directions.
why?
you love the torture till its hard to let go?
you love it regardless of the burden that comes along with it..
too afraid to be otherwise?

S i l e n c e.

..how much of it can you take?

1 second?

1 minute?

1 hour.

1 day.

1 week.

1 month?

no voice.

no sound.

no melody.

no music.

..but,is it truly silent when you're still able to 'hear' the voices in your thoughts?

pure silence.

can you handle it?

Escapism

How do you endeavour this particular interest of yours?
Perhaps the best moment in the day is when you experience this momentary feeling that dissolves the 'real'.
Some engage so often in it that it becomes a part of who they are. Day-dreaming, alcoholism, drugs, love, endorphins, trips, what have you?
why do you crave?why do you dream?why do you need..
some believe that imaginations, if practiced often enough will eventually take on a concrete form. where the notion of possibilities comes in mind.
"dreams come true" (what a cliche sentence)
you hear it so frequently,everywhere and some point in your life. repetitive.
some form of reminder.
you believe...
but then no matter how surreal your life may be, you will always be able to draw a line in what depicts reality or otherwise.
do you live a better life when you constantly escape..?
you're aware to how much you love it, how desperate you crave for it..
as though you're applying the photo-shop application to
what you see, your eyes..your vision..
the scenery, the people, the objects...
coloured, grey scale, crayon, sketched, embossed..
you imagine so far, so distant.
and when that one miserable second of bliss comes to an end, you wake up to a picture you claim to be whats real.
the familiar.
the suposse'd.
the 'this is'.
so here you are.

The wonders of a 'nobody'.

The US elections for 2008 seem to consist of idealistic candidates. NOT trying to be stereotype or anything but consider how one candidate is a woman (now comes the possibility for the first US woman president?) while another is an African-American (seriously now, a possibility of a non-white president?)
Sometimes the US propaganda's/agendas appear to be movie material. I wonder, are there hidden agendas (though very often we assume that there's always a hidden motive behind everything) or is this really going to happen.
why does it matter?
(yes,Malaysia will be having an election too which is equally important for a Malaysian individual)
But, the US has always been a solitary power that can affect the interactive patterns within global networks. Who comes into play is always important because it determines whether the US reputation can make a change for once, or will they persist with their unfavourable status?
Will they finally make desirable changes to how the world functions (at least on conventional terms) or will they continue to use their privileged role in different ways?

The truth is no-where.

When your belief system constantly deteriorates,
you somehow have no choice but to seek out for an alternative,
something to replace that emptiness you tend to live in,
the undying search for the truth,
suddenly becomes so ambiguous,
because days that go by only teaches you otherwise,
that maybe there isn't this so-called truth that you long for,

perhaps religion is the best comfort zone you can rely on,
but this option is not applicable
when you find that hope and faith is nothing
but foreign meanings to you
and then comes in the power of knowledge
of variable philosophers and thinkers
whom have dealt with these never-ending questions

you argue that they are merely another bunch of pathetic beings
most unlikely to be rare individuals
because they do what everyone else does
ponder,dwell,moan,question,think
about the questions that has NEVER been answered
there is nothing out there that is labeled as the ideal truth
or the definite answer
no confirmation
no check and balances

..then comes this theory
that there isn't 'one' truth,
quote: "it's not about finding the big (T)ruth but more of the variation of (t)ruths that has been constructed to shape our reality"
[Foucault-ian thinking]

"HOly moley..."

what a lovely thought.
BUT,
doesn't that bring you back to square one, where there's never going to be THE truth.

curses.

Ironic.

How life lessons can come around when its least expected.
Better yet, how the lessons tend to bite you back real hard.
Question is, are these lessons sufficient in teaching us whats right or wrong?
Why do we only learn when its too late?

Nothing.

breaking.break.break.

pieces falling into place.
seasons changing time
time changing skies.

and its autumn
watch the leaves wither
and fade away

like your soul and mine
brushed off by the wind
turned into yellow crisps

and your heart
beating so fast
you run and fall.

your pace so fast
you be breathless
and you just fall.

curled up on
wet green grass
sweet smell of dew
bitter smell of pain

cringed.static.shaken.

so alive.

memories fade...

There comes a time,
when you realize that memories are fading,
due to its non-physical features...
you suddenly find it so difficult to grasp on to what you use to know...
what you use to remember..
does it eventually fade away?
so long as those involved in those memories elapsed away in time as well?
no one there to remind you of those days,
no one there to share those laughter's you once knew.
no one there to reminisce the days of light-hearted worries.
Shouldn't memories be a part of our existence?
to who we are and what we become?
then why does it fade away...
why are they constantly being re-negotiated by the mind?
what if the days comes when no one else is around to be your witness of those incidences?
would you then re-arrange those fragmented memories into something so foreign from what you know
or would you spell out those little pieces and attempt to create a broken picture...
or would you let it slip away in time...
and just allow it to fade as though it was never there..
what if as time goes by it is no longer an option?
when age beckons and your memory will becomes weaker..
What more of the evil amnesia?
would it make life easier to forget?

"Do you remember...."

Identifying that 'feeling'.

em·pa·thy - [em-puh-thee] Pronunciation Key

-the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

*dictionary.com


Countless times you witness images that have the power to affect you emotionally or mentally.
These images come in many forms, depending on what strikes you the most or what relevance it has to your lives. but there are also cases whereby it has simply nothing to do with you, but you just get so affected by the picture.

what is it, you wonder.

During late night drives, one can help but wonder about those migrant workers who's out there on the highway,either fixing the road, solving our traffic light problems, re-doing our piping systems. Dressed in their old long sleeved shirts,loose fitted pants and topped over with another layer of t-shirt. As they work their way through the dust of the drilling's,covering their faces with bandannas.

you wonder.

should there be this feeling of 'pity' or simply,a soft side that just ponders about that man's life.
or should it just be a picture of a man, who is out there surviving his life expenses through this job. Should there be a line when it comes to empathy? Do we really know how this 'feeling' is sparked up within us?



Think of the cleaning lady you come across at your workplace, school,streets or shopping malls.
Do you ever look at them to acknowledge their presence..?
..or do you persist your 'activities' as you step all over the freshly mopped floors?
should there be this 'feeling', when all that woman is doing is earning her wages through that job.
When her job is merely another form of occupation people subscribe to within the society.

The fact is, there are many level of 'jobs' that can be offered to people. Evidently, we can't expect these so-called jobs to be on equal grounds, in terms of salary,treatment, environment or perceptions.

There should be a better alternative view point in this. Whereby it is simply seen as a whole large system which functions the way it does. People attending to their own activities in their own context. Perhaps "pity" has too much of a negative connotation to it.

What is pity anyway?

Do u so-called develop this 'feeling' towards a person just because he/she lacks something of something that you have. Or because he/she is inferior to what you are?
The idea of standards and indifference should be eliminated from our thoughts. Of course it is impossible to abolish these perceptions in our heads. It's probably because we are living in this huge ball of materialistic individuals, whereby categorization is an important factor to determine where one stands.
Its naive to challenge that thought unless if you're willing to go off to an island and just live alone, or build your own little empire, if you wish.
Otherwise..

..perhaps the simplest action could be done, simply by realizing the fact that they are no different from what you are. Thus, there should be no 'special' treatment towards them or worst still, ignorance.
these so-called distinctions will dissolve when you begin to acknowledge that we are all only human beings, after all.
Why can't we highlight this similarity instead?

When you fail..

...to make meaning,
the word "bullshit" tend to come in mind.
and then the word 'bullshit' leads back to the idea of nothingness.
once again.
nothing.

All we need is meaning.

The fact is, it is easier to make an exit rather than to stay and witness the problem.
Truth be told, it is easier to escape our thoughts and indulge in illusionary images, rather than remain to watch the truth.
The word truth is too often associated with the bitterness of reality.
shouldn't truth be aligned with the idea of satisfaction?
referring to the impossible, whereby all doubts and questions are actually resolved?

this so -called escape route can come in many forms.
People do it through toxication, be it in liquid, smoke, powder forms such as alcohol, medications and cigarettes.
Otherwise in activity forms like yoga, meditation, computer games and sports.
..or in practical addictions like food, movies, sex, hobbies, etc..etc..
all these 'addictions',
activities we claim to be our routines and responsibilities...
seem to be distractions that lead us away from the bigger question to our existence.
Could it be that it is because it's a simpler resolution.
It is just the easiest way to live and breathe through the days?
Whereby we avoid the allegiance of emptiness and instead create elements that lead to fulfillment?

..Or the better argument that we often hear is that this is the way life functions.
It leads to our respective purposes in life.
it assist individuals in building their own journeys..
..road, pathway, whatever you choose to call it..
If there is one thing one can be certain of,
would be that people hate people who questions.
just like how government detest citizens that opposes their systems.
To how the religious would react towards the non-believers.
people find it easier to shut off individuals who question the unanswered, the unknown..

How pretentious life can be..
When we constantly find ourselves subscribing to agendas that we never really understood in the first place.
this is possibly a primary reason to why humans meaning-making machines are now possessed by individualistic owners.
it is better for people to activate the machine in their favourable terms, rather than making it a unitary system for all.
That way, we avoid the complications of conflict between different ideas and believes.
Because each perspective have segregated rooms in which they are able to co-exist.

After all, who is there to judge us for the meanings we generate for ourselves?
In other words, who cares about the meanings you make for yourself?

*nobody*

Nothing.

When the war is over.
When the battlefields,
Lay empty and silent.
Dark sky sweeps across,
As the wind howls..
the stench of lonely bodies,
Fills the air,
with mournful cries and tears.
The sole survivor stands still.
Shaken by the memories..
Disguised in the lies of strength.

How long can this solitary being stand?
As the ice cold steel,
Prickles through her skin.
Blood vanishes beneath the veins.
Slowly, she falls off her feet.
Helplessly,
Crashed on to the ground.
Alas..
The world depicts nothingness.

Nothing.

Sitting in a corner,
empty soul,
familiar thoughts.
when you realize
that there's nothing left to say
..when 'enough' becomes true
take the easy way out.
pack a pen and a notepad,
your Cd's and thoughts.
Take the plunge..
..and just leave.

She said..

..what say you?

L-O-V-E.

"so beautiful that it would torment an angel to insanity."

~William Blake

Stranger than Fiction..

"This is the nature of All Tragedies.
The Hero dies.
..but the story lives on forever".

... (part 2)

After an enlighten web-camming session with AG, of catching up and sneaky laughters'.A thought came into my head:
In relation to the previous post. this is possibly a continuation of that idea.
As human beings we very often take things for granted of things we own or possess,of people we know and have, of the life we live..
Its basically because by nature we are programme in a way that we are always in search of progress and development..
be it education, knowledge,money,sex,power, what have you?
the problem arises when we realize that we have forgotten the notion of contentment.
of appreciation.
of realization.
because as how i would usually claim, people are so caught up with their our own lives...
and to avoid the act of being bias( though on many occasions this has been proven true)...when it comes to relationships, one party (shall not mention any gender here) usually wants you when they can't have you.
Which is why, at most times you hear that it is important to be selfish at times because we have to look out for our own interest. otherwise, who would?
and when you do that,when you live your life in a way that you know and acknowledge the fact that the self must be loved..somehow, things will eventually work out.
things will flow (not necessarily in your ideal way) but simply in a way that "everything is going to be okay"..
but somehow,when you obsesses too much...things will automatically fuck up.
"too much," they say.
Well,i guess its evident enough that we are all in some sort of race to win.
You would wonder to win what..
i say, to win what you can't have.
I quote as well, "you wont miss the water till the well runs dry"

...

People only need you when they are vulnerable.

Snapshot Moments..

If only our brains was sufficient and capable enough to store those precious moment..
Those seconds where you discover irresistable beauty..
As we go through our daily lives..watching,seeing and observing our surroundings..
which usually last for a moment.
that one..little..short..moment.
Countless times you find yourself experiencing the beauty of nature..
not nature in simplistic terms, but rather the objects and elements we see with our eyes..whether living..or non-living.
so much of beauty left disclosed.
So many beautiful phases passing by..
So what do we do?
..we turn to the benefits of technology---the camera phone.

The sky is so mesmerising..there are so many different versions that makes it beautiful..

Best moments would be the morning or the evening sky..

..Have we forgotten to appreciate the sun before it fades away?

Hop onto the LRT on a typical work-day..

..catch a view of our town..its as though there's always something new being constructed..developing nation,they say.

sometimes you can't help but wonder how would KL look like in the next 10 years..would you recognize it?

Take a drive down to town..

..watch people rushing here and there..

..enjoy the empty streets during the night,accompanied by your favourite music..

Get stuck in a jam,look at the cars around you..and realize how robotic life can be..and wonder "does anybody see this beauty?"

or are we too caught up with our "important" agendas..

Take a drive out of town..

Look around you..

behold the scenery of greeneries and blue sky..

..just taste the sweetness of the simplest parts of nature.

Lets expand our views, crawl out of our hectic lives to take a breather..

Just breathe..

Nothing.

A glimpse of shadow

Shaded by ray of light

Pain blinded by Fog

Vision blurred by Mist.

Feelings blown by wind..

Thoughts dissolve to air..

Left to a blank sheet.

..painted in dead black

Staring up above.

staring down below.

staring here and there...

and here at no-where.

Let Be the emptiness.

be not the slave..

of ravaging demons

..play games of mind

Be still time froze.

fire mellowed by ice..

prick of steel knife

Flow blood of numbness..

Avoid paranoia.

Noting from AG.
How to curb obsessive behaviour?
aka. how to not-give-a-shit?

-keep yourself busy
..by socializing
..avoiding boredom

-do something worthy in your life.
..whatever that credible to you

-emphasize the fact that "I'm the best you can ever have"
.."your loss,bitch"

*hehe*

Rant about Loneliness.

As you get older..
You find yourself getting more and more familiar with what it means to be alone..
Could it be that due this fear of isolation, people then resort to marriage..?
that way, you will always have someone beside you to wake up to..
someone physically present within the vicinity...
so that you will never have to feel the emptiness
or the quietness you indulge in
all that's visible is the voices in your head and heart..

After an enlightening conversation the other day with NH,I realized that in so many ways....
there are people out there who goes through the same shit as you do..(duh)
i mean I've always known that but its funny when she said,"The 200 voices in my head..."

*random*

What does it mean to be alone anyway?
We know of countless individuals out there in this world who thinks that they are lonely..
who feels lonely..
If you think of it in a large scale,in comparison to the population on this planet.
shit.
you are nothing.

But when you look at the context of your existence within this globe.
hmm...maybe.
maybe, you are not alone.

The only way to sort of make yourself feel better is by creating close ties within your surrounding.
within what you know and who you know.
create your own little world.
that way,you should never feel lonely because you have a 'world' in which your existence is visible.

but who are we bull-shitting right?
Lets see..
after your mamak sessions at 1am in the morning.
or your crazy night-out in the town at 3am..
or your yam-cha session..
whatever session you have with other people..
in the end of the day...you retreat..
go home..
in your room.

*cricket*cricket*

Don't get me wrong.
Quiet + alone-time is NECESSARY.
But i believe there are people out there who have too much of it.
whereby being alone is not really their choice anymore.

as i said..
getting older not only means getting more experienced and wiser..
it also means getting weaker..
fear of life.
fear of the end.

Fear of being alone.
Slowly...you find that your life goal changes..
You go for simplified things like security.

Not so much of a big hero anymore,huh?

what a pointless post.

Babel

..was such an amazing movie.The music lifts you off your feet.Makes your mind wander off..This song do not need words to describe..The melody gives you such an amazing feeling.solemn.numb.nostalgic.thoughtful.dreaming.........there is many 'worlds' out there i have not laid my eyes on......too many versions of reality to seek out for.Too many untouched experiences..

Monday.

*yawn*

Peeks through the curtains.

Crawls back to bed.

*groan*

Spinning Away

Reunion with an Old time favourite..

"Up on a hill
as the day dissolves
With my pencil turning moments into life
One by one, all the stars appear
As the great winds of the planet spiral in
Spinning away, like the night sky
In the million insect storm, the constellations form
On a hill, under a raven sky
I have no idea exactly where I've been
Some kind of change, some kind of spinning away
With every single line moving further out in time
Spinning away, like the night sky
I have no idea exactly where I've been
And here, or there
And here, or there
some kind of spinning away.."

L-O-V-E.

*Taken fr unknown source

Role Playing

Fascinating...

..that our everyday life is almost as if it represents a stage performance.(personally,i think IT IS a staged act).One moment you find yourself contented with the familiarity you have with you inner thoughts and principles. The next moment, you find yourself behaving in ways that you never thought you would.
At various occasions we own different masks and costumes to play around with.
You...did many things which was very questionable.
You began to make jokes which you once thought was extremely un-funny.
You started to engage in games(not literally) you thought you would never play.
You started giving a shit about unnecessary issues.
You got caught-up with the 'in-thing'--simply to blend in with others.
You participated in activities that was never really in your list of interest.
You spoke--and the words that came out was merely what the other person wanted to hear.
You smiled and laughed--and you realize that the joy was never really there.

You knew which person to be at the right moment.
Adaptation they say.
We are 'animals' after all aren't we?

Sadly...

...that eventually acting becomes a 'job' we find ourselves committed to.
when you try to hard to maintain what you think you know of yourself..you realize that that ' thing' you held on to was nothing but fragility.
Suddenly, in the midst of your daily activities,you paused for a moment.Stepped out of the situation and look down upon your own being.
..and you say, "oh...my..gosh....when did i become this person..."

...that 'role playing' is ideally one of human's talent.
you become confused of whether there is a real or fake after all.
you get carried away that it becomes an addiction to 'be somebody else'.
you use it as a tool to get away with things or simply, for self-advantage.
you gain paranoia and suspicion of the world around you.
you gain the power to create emotions at different places and time.

...that there's a possibility that in the end of the day,we are all here just to make USE of each other.
In so many ways----for self-interest.
Think hard.

I guess one does not really need to attend acting classes if ever interested in drama lessons.
All you have to do is to look within your inner-self......

"Rain drops keep falling on my head.."

What is it about the rain?
that leaves one feeling nostalgic,
reflective,
slow,
dreamy,
thoughtful,
emotional,
empty.
sleepy?
Is it about the weather that's cold,wet and moist?
Or the sound of the wind howling its way through the window gaps?
It is raining now.
Staring out into the nothingness but heavy drizzles and forceful winds.
What is it about weathers and how it affects a person mood-radar?
The atmosphere plays our feelings.
Its day-time brought into darkness by the rainfall.
On a Sunday.
No one is one the street.Very little cars roaming on the road.
On one end you have the homeless person taking cover under a shop lot.
You have the motorcyclists who forgot to bring their raincoats,huddled under a highway bridge.
you have the happy family cruising to their destination around 50-60km/h.
you have those without transport,waiting patiently at the bus stop or taxi stands.
The ones at home?
Just lay back, quit questioning and enjoy the image you see.
Rainfall is a peculiar thing.Everything out there becomes different.
Just as how different the world would be without light.
As to how different it is now when everything is wet.

Turning Point.

*Picture courtesy of Deviantart user.

During school days they taught the poem "The Road Not Taken".Basically the story about the route,and how it branches out into a fork-road.The choices made,shall be one which is not regrettable.Within the time span of your life,you find that on many occasions, you have chosen to settle in your little nest.We very often address as our 'comfort zone'.
Question is,what becomes to that guarded spot of yours when you see a range of choices up ahead?Not just choices about what colour of shoes to wear,how should you do you hair,what should you eat today..blah,BLAH,blah.
We're talking about decisions that are bound to change your life.
The turning points.
No matter how much you try to run away from it.No matter how hard you try to avoid the upcoming events.No matter how far you run...
It becomes inevitable.
How does one attempt to crawl out from a self-made hole?
There are two perspectives on this.
You have people who LOVE changes.who craves for it.who seeks for it.who desires it.
You have people who HATE changes.who runs away.Who lives in denial.who lie to themselves.who lives in fear.
But in the first place,should there even be a room for one to have preferences?
Is it merely a life event instilled within our systems?
But I thought humans by nature have the ability to control their lives through decision-making processes.
So does that mean that when a person 'chooses' to stay in one spot, it becomes possible?
I guess to a certain extend, is it possible.The reason why this 'choice' never works out is because EVERYTHING else around you is constantly changing. In their respective paces.
Eventually,people become pressured by society's expectations..patterns..rules..basically the way 'normal' things should work.


I guess when the time comes, one has no choice but to make decisions.The agony is probably the process you go through before the choice is made.The insecurity,doubt,paranoia,assumptions...etc..etc..
Lets face it, we can never be TOO careful with how we live our lives.Its logical to be cautious about your driving skills, but is that applicable when it comes to life events?
Because after all, when the moment of change begins,you find yourself flowing smoothly..As though the previous days of worries and drama was nothing but unnecessary stress.

Your Evil Soul

These pills aren't working anymore
My guts are spilling out onto the floor
of a nightmare you wouldn't believe
of a nightmare you could not conceive of
You're floating above my head
There are words carved in my chest
and they said,
"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
that you only see in the movies, you know what I mean"

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head starts caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole
Bubbling at the lips that you used to love to kiss
Well, I think I'm trying to wake up, but I can't

These pills aren't working anymore
My eyes are gouged out and rolling under the door
It blacks out the nightmare you wouldn't believe
a nightmare you could not conceive of

You're floating above my head
There are words carved in my chest
and they said,
"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
that you only see in the movies, you know what I mean... you know what I mean"

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head starts caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole
Bubbling at the lips

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through
It's okay I forgive you
Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes
I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through
It's okay I forgive you
Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes
I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head starts caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole

*its just a song..

The Girl from Ipanema

It begins,and sweeps you off your feet..Takes you far away..I imagine a beach again,during Late sunset...Not too dark,not too bright..I see candles floating..I see vibrant and sexy colours..I see happy smiles..Genuine smiles that speaks serenity..I see body movements..swaying..Curling your toes beneath the warmth of the sand..I see beauty..The smell of the salty sea..The breeze..I see Life.Away from the hustle.Distant traffic nuisance..I see my imaginations.

"Old Newspaper, Old newspaper"

Why is it that every time the 'old newspaper' truck passes by the neighbourhood...dogs start to howl?
I mean,is it just me or is it true that there's a distinctive pattern in these dog howling?
Is there some sort of creepy message that come from that "old newspaper,sai tau po chi,surat khabar lama" tune??(another question: how come they don't mention in it Tamil??) Or do they mention it in your neighbourhood maybe?
Is it a kind of melody that dogs react to?i don't remember hearing cats purring.But the dogs go frantic when the truck passes by.
I think there has to be an explanation because it happens EVERY TIME.

The Art of Gazing.

Whenever you go out,be it a social gathering,a stroll in the mall,driving,partying,events..etc..etc.. Basically any activity that involves people within your social surrounding.
Does your eyes constantly move about as though your surveying the people that walks by?
You find yourself watching people
and what they wear,what they do,
how they look,
how they walk,

and the list can probably go on forever.

What is the reason behind this activity?

Apparently,there's a difference in staring, gazing and looking. Out of curiosity, I 'dictionary.com-ed' these words:

.Gaze- to look steadily and intently, as with great curiosity, interest, pleasure, or wonder.

.Look- to turn one's eyes toward something or in some direction in order to see

.Stare- to gaze fixedly and intently, esp. with the eyes wide open.

The reason behind this quest is to find out whether there's difference in the way we look at other people. Based on the definition above, Is it possible to continue looking at people in the 'right' way? Perhaps gazing and staring can turn out to be rather rude. How about 'catching a glimpse'?

Urgh,i hate the ambiguity of language.

The problem with this so-called 'nature' our human beings is that where is the boundary between respect and rudeness?We think that watching people is such a normal phenomenon that we believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking.You find guys staring at girls all the time.Of course,nowadays girls are very much involve in this act of gazing as well.

People are SO OBSESSED with the guy-girl relationship.

Girls obsessed with guys.
Guys obsessed with girls.
To me, the pathetic thing about this nature is that when you do not know when and how to draw a border line.
There seems to be a whole different language between man and woman that we engage in, which does not require the verbal part.
I wonder, is it possible to not look at all?
Is it because we're constantly searching for something thus, our search is evident through our eyes?
Is there even a right or wrong to this activity?
Should i even be pondering about this notion?
I guess there's another meaning to this.
That our attention is NEVER directly towards one person/object/situation.
We have the tendency to branch out our interest into many other dimensions.
If one shall argue that this is a completely natural element of our system, then i would argue that there should be a level of control,whereby you are aware of the fact that many times, this act can be rather rude or disrespectful.
(if u do it wrongly)
When i say wrongly, i mean, Do you DARE share what goes on in your head whenever your looking at a person? Yes,those hidden thoughts of yours, which you do not say out loud.
It is one thing to use our eyes and it is also another when it involves our mind.
Our train of thoughts.

Or simply,when you with someone else/other people (eg:having a conversation),does this act of gazing make you forget the importance of EYE CONTACT during a conversation??
But then again,who is going to be there to judge you for it,other than yourself?
The only person who can make you feel bad about it is probably your husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend.
Other than that,i don't see anyone else who has the right to make a person feel bad about it.
Because,in the end of the day, apparently, there is nothing wrong with it....


*Vibe-Tori Amos
*Picture-Deviantart

Marriage.

...what ever happened to the gaze between two pair of eyes, whilst exchanging their everlasting vows with one another?

Too caught up with the ceremonies.

Too occupied with the rituals.

Too concerned with the impressions.

Perspectives.
gossips.

Opinions.

Conformity.

Everything else but the both of you.

Why make promises that holds emptiness?

Why assure honesty when the basis is from a lie?

...what ever happened to the simplicity in life, merely 'staring into each other's eyes'?

a) Naive.
-because this is the realistic view of human relationship.

b) Choices (be it 'right' or 'wrong').
-because people are simply trying to live up to society's expectations.

*Picture courtesy of Deviantart collection.

A Joke.

Pathetic.

6 Sense.

How many of you have friends/acquaintances/family/ or simply someone who are 'psychics'?

From what i know, these people are suppose to have a unique ability to for-see certain things (in the past,present,future) which relates to your life.
i don't know if its called predictions.
fortune telling??
tarot readings.

Anyhow, according to our online source Wikipedia, "Psychic" is a word used to describe an occurrence, ability, or event that is sensed without the use of the five known human senses of sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell.

I ponder about the '"event" that is sensed'. i mean, how does it work?
how do the 'vision' come by and how does it even look like?
what's scary is when you meet these people (despite the cynicism in your head), they always catch you off guard by mentioning something (either symbols,person,objects,metaphors,etc..) that relates to you. (in which you have kept inside of you for a long time)

the result?
occasional goose-bumps,
shivers,
angry remarks in the head( HOW THE F DID U KNOW THAT??),
insecurity,
doubts,
shock,
racing heart-beats,
nervous twitching..

to me..
it is ultimate CONFUSION.

One side of your life you try so hard to rationalize every single event in your life.despite the sentimental features in you, you still TRY to reason with life.
why?
To keep you sane,
to stand on our grounds,
to persist our journey,
to skip the agonizing emotional trips,
to allow clearer judgements,
more importantly, to move forward.
Skepticism has done nothing but criticize this ambiguous phenomenon.

But then what does this mean anyway?
that our lives are pre-destined already?that its just the matter of following the tracks?
that something or someone out there has everything laid down before us?
that we all have a PLAN.

But apparently, when it comes to these 'spiritual' events (what do u call it anyway?I don't think its spiritual), you're suppose to "take it with a pinch of salt".

okay,fair enough.
It seems pretty impossible to let it dominate your life anyway.

I wonder..
If your life path ended up in a different route in comparison to what you have been told, isn't it suppose to be due to our life choices?
or was it because we missed out on the opportunities?
denied our 'destiny'? (don't get me started on the word destiny)
made the wrong moves(decisions)?
didn't take the right steps?

or.......................
was it because we never really placed our 'believes' in ourselves?
"Faith", they say.

It becomes to difficult to hold on to something that is physically not there, but yet plays a huge role in our minds.Faith.
What is it anyway?

i guess the only thing you can do when someone throws you 'your future', is to listen. (react however you want)
and, take it as your guidelines.
to motivate or inspire you.
because think about, if you question the information given, you would someone try to evaluate and test it yourself..
To find out whether you will achieve it, whether it is YOU in 5 years time.
We all have our own goals and aims,
that should be sufficient,right?

i end with this:

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.....................................................

Vibe: Reverie-Theatre of Tragedy

What is insanity?

Ponder:
Would the world be a better place if mankind are subjected to unconditional autonomy?
Not simply cheap talk of 'freedom' or 'independence'.
But the right to act and behave as they please.
If there was one particular reality I long to engage in is..
the 'crazy' dude who just passed by your car.
muttering.
cursing.
blabbing.
smiling.
laughing.
shouting.
the bloke who has probably never changed his outfit for days.
heck,months.
the woman who does a kung-fu stance in the middle of the street (whilst facing her opponent:the stray dog)
the person who dares to stare at you like there's no tomorrow.
in which u probably don't have the balls to return the gaze.
the man who fulfills the similar task as our 'faithful' MPPJ buddies.
picking up your shits.
never gets paid like the others.
finding joy in your trash.
their version of assets i guess.
what's important to you, is bullshit to them.
question is, are they truly so distant,
so far away from the 'normal' society?
or, are they a reflection of 'free-willy'?
merely a representation of your hidden 'freedom'?

*thought: freedom= overrated.idealistic for most.

~Vibe: Ministry of Sound: 2002 Ibiza chill-out.

Explosion.

R-u-n...

running at a fast pace,

feel your heart thumping.

B-b-Beating..

tearing your chest open.

Climb...

Up the hill,

feel your legs stinging.

Aching..*pant*

muscles tightening.

Reach the peak..
survey around.
no one else but you,
and 'world' you know of.
Everything else distant.

SCREAAAAmmm.....!

Scream.

scream.

scream so loud..

SO piercing..

Roar if you must.

no room for the monotonousness.

Till you're breathless.

Out of air.

*gasping*

Feel your throat burning.

Voice cracking.

Tears streaming..

Head pounding.

Body static.

Face numbed.

Today, you live.

*all graphics are taken from a range of sources.unless stated otherwise.

~Vibe: Theatre of Tragedy

a-n-g-e-r.

for what is kept away.

for the perennial curiosity.

for the undying need to know.

for the ludicrousness.

for the tolerance.

for the ambiguity.

for the stupidity.

for the unnecessary emotions.

for the irony.

for the truth that is not met.

for the weakness.

for the queasiness.

for sanity.

*words for storytelling.

Keep Breathing, and stand a chance to win 'Life choices'.

"You just wanne be sad"
..does the sentence ring a bell?

Ladies and gentlemen,presentinggg....the 'Make-your-own-Reality" game show.
The game is fairly simple.
First of all, audiences need to understand the main objectives of this game:

To shape and mold one's life,in other words,creating a favorable version of reality.

Upon participation, here are some of the rules of the game:

-Reality is a myth,it is a non-physical feature in which we are able to grasp,analyze and modify.
-What you desire will be derived through the simple process of imagination,determination and faith.
-what you despise or fear will only come to haunt you so long as you believe in it.
-The positive energy will result to satisfying opportunities, achievements and awards.
-the negative energy will slam you with an additional weight of disastrous events.
-Feelings are merely a state of mind, whereby you are the master of the game.

When you indulge too much, when you bear to much comfort in where u hide, you have successfully created your own barrier..
Which stops you from crossing the borders.
Borders that keeps you 'safe' from what is 'wrong'.
Barb wires that secludes you from the 'outside'.
Walls that trap you away from the beyond ordinary.
One becomes stagnant.

standing motionless.

you become lost and bluntly unaware that things in life still passes by.
With or without you.

The trick of the game is simple apparently...
you are what you make of yourself.
you form your very own self.
You create your own tracks to walk on.

So,if you're currently stuck somewhere,somewhere,somehow out there...snap out of it..

No one if going to stop for you, so keep moving..

*note: -Writing is fiction.

-and As always, actions speak louder than words.

CloudBreak: For all you ArtSy-farts out there..

So,i got this email from Priya asking for free-publicity through our respective sites..(lol)so here it is.(Gasp!Priya!ur on the papers today!)i'm too lazy to write about it so here's the site and a brief info:

Cloudbreak works with young people to expose them to vital life skills through imaginative exercises. These modules stimulate and sharpen young minds improve memory, build self-confidence, organize thoughts and articulate ideas.
..for more information: www.mycloudbreak.com