Let the Whispers Co-exist

You took the plunge,
into what you had initially imagined to be delinquent.
Once embarked on the journey,
you found no way to look back or forth,
but rather to remain at present.
The problem with these rides,
lies in the way it leaves you in solitude.
All the fast movements,
rushing through so that you're never stagnant.
We keep pacing,
only to forget as well as to be reminded.
I'm starting to hear the beginning of the echoes,
and I'm well prepared.
Simultaneously aware
that these preparations may eventually,
mean nothing when faced with the real situation.
I'm hearing the whispers now,and they're getting louder.
I watched the words move in the form of sound.
I'm sorry but I cannot stop moving.
Forgive the fact that I glance over far too often,
yet throttle full-force ahead.
Pinning down fearless vibes,
only to take in everything with all your heart.

That's a Good Moment right there

Parting from another Paradise.

People tell me that I'm privileged to have seen and been to the places that I have visited. I often see this particular look in their eyes when they say these words to me. My weakness is that I search for this other look of understanding because I want to share what I had felt.
I question that search all the time, with all these contradicting thoughts.
A lot of times I'm not sure what it means to 'work hard' in our daily responsibilities. But I feel the struggle of desire and want, which is perhaps the essence of this effort we endure in our everyday lives.
A recent spontaneous decision had brought me back to the feeling of greatness, where the word 'paradise' was re-defined yet again. I've been labeling far too many places 'paradise' and I continue to seek for other forms of expression for those sacred destinations. Will I ever reach this one fine day that Paradise no longer strikes my attention?
I highly doubt that.
Forget conventional talks about astrology,but I'd like to pick out one element about Aquarians whereby they are absolutely drawn to water. I don't know how true this means of categorization may be, but I really believe in that theory. Once again,its feelings that I don't have words for.

I've always had a good balance for discipline aside from my aimlessness. When I space out(as what people always claim of me) I find my way back here to this so-called reality. But I have been procrastinating like never before, and taking my responsibilities with far too little care. I can't help but think,that maybe these duties of mine no longer makes sense to me. they are no longer important because there's just so much more out there to live for. Sure, I've been told that it's all just a phase and soon enough as age starts to catch up, I'll forget this mentality of mine and succumb to the majority.
I'm sorry, but that there, is my struggle,my fight in this life. To be able to live in the way that I want to live,regardless of the warnings and do's/don'ts you claim I should follow.
How easy it is to live without making these mistakes.How boring our memories will be without these wrong-doings.

I remember how it felt to be heart-broken through human relationships. But have you ever had your heart broken by an experience?
To part away from "such great heights", we put ourselves through it only make a reminder that that's our reason to live.
We break away from all these good moments only to learn to appreciate them on greater extents in future.
We say goodbye, only to find a way to say hello again.

You're environment is so crucial to the way you plan to live, and if we don't realize that..I'd say we're just wasting away the best things that life has to offer. and it's unfortunate that sometimes,we don't learn to be happy for others, as much as we can be happy for ourselves.

I'll get over this framework that seems as though time had stopped. It's pretty great to feel like you're in a vacuum every now and then.

Only then,we remember what it means to feel Alive.

Room Window

Every evening, anticipate a new masterpiece in the sky. All that's missing from this window view is my beach and mountains.

You're Inspiring.

I get an odd sense of adrenalin when I encounter individuals who embark on a life mission in the name of passion. All these information I absorb, only to learn, and discover the variable ways people tend to live their lives.
So I'm a listener, not merely through sound and vision, but also through empathy.
It's easy to complicate this connection with emotions, but that's really not the point.

Recently, I've engage in a series of events that made my path collide with another scavenger. Hungry and yearning to make 'living' the best that it can be imagined to be. Those surprise appearance of the previous actors, to new-found candidates, and eventually, the potential participants. All of which carry stories with them. And when these tales make extraordinary sense to you, it's difficult to not be amazed.
Slightly skeptical for not being able to believe immediately, and simultaneously, bearing these conflicted voices that's dying to explain how well we get it.

"I understand what you're saying, and more importantly, I GET IT".
These words are not enough to describe the way I can relate to what you've said. And I guess, I just wanted you to know that.
..and may I quote:
"Every once in a while, it turns out that you say “wow, I got that feeling that I wanted, what I felt when I saw that scene.”

http://momentsoftruth.wordpress.com/latest/

So How do u want to Live?

Have you ever reached that point in life,where you begin to worry about the insufficiency of Time?
It feels almost like a dilemma, where your uncertainties question the rationale you built as a reason to live. Not merely live, but to live in the best way you could, as well as you can, to endure a sense of satisfaction. It's a feeling of reward when achievements are made.
What if you had always felt matured and wary of your entire being ever since you were born. You were absolutely conscious of every experience until the very day today.
But then suddenly, when you think about tomorrow, and the after years that you have no control of, you can't help but feel hopeless. Not necessarily the negative kind, but rather the ambiguous nausea you get when faced with a situation that you cannot grasp onto. Because it is simply beyond your control.
I'm not going to lie, growing older scares me.
Maybe not so much the numbers, but just the fact that you've lived so much that you're just overwhelmed.
Sometimes far too extreme for the emotions to handle.
I can't help but question, will I have to look back someday to something great that I had let go off? That I had succumb to 'reality' because of all these rules and logic to how the chronology of life events are suppose to be? Had I been too weak that I refused to follow my instincts? It seems that when tied down to a monotonous flow, you get stuck into these recycled thoughts.
Do you ever look to your parents or the othersm and secretly hope that you will never end up like them?
Not because you're insulting their ways, but you'd just rather not end up not knowing how to believe. These state of limbos force you to make sure that you make the best decisions. Choices you perceive as circumstances that you're willing to accept.
Are you going to forget to tell yourself how to live through desires?

Music re-Discovery

We find different ways to collect music from various sources,only to find ourselves stuck in a situation where you no longer know what you want to listen to. It amazes me to how my gallery of heard and unheard melodies had been unsatisfying for the past weeks. Every time I find something new, which is fairly often, it had not stuck around as long as I wished it would.
Last night, I rediscovered music that shook me to the core.
And I'm listening to them right about now. Call me dramatic, but I get this crazy urge to just break-out into tears just by listening to my new found discovery. I'm so happy and I don't have the words for it and even the weak reaction of 'sharing with the other' is not gonna help. because there's just something about these tunes that speaks to my soul. And excuse my exaggeration, but I'm grateful for this relief.
I can't pretend that these words don't sound corny, but I'm even smiling as I'm typing.
AHHhHhhhhhhh.................~

Rewind,please?

I wonder, what is it about spreading our arms that resembles this sense of 'freedom'? It's amazing how this action tends to accommodate this undefined feeling we encounter on those rare moments.

I miss it :)

Tranquilized.

Lately it feels as though I'm living in a vacuum. There are these moments where I engage myself into thinking that I'm on an agenda. That I have something worth pursuing in these seconds and minutes that are supposedly precious. I'm conscious of the fact that it's half past a year and I'm not quite sure where the months had gone to. No doubt 2010 is not something I'm looking forward to. Not because of cynicism really,but as it is, its even difficult to tie down something to look forward to in the next week. All these prep talk of self-realization and acceptance is really not the point. On one hand it seems as though you're living in the past guarded by denial while on the other, you're just stranded when you don't design goals to reach for.
If I could make a report to show the number of situations that reminded me of my uncertainties, it'd probably be a substantial one. Ironically, I'm suppose to be at the stage where I'm wary of my responsibilities to my future.
Well,I'm sorry but It's still bleak.
They are saying that I'm a wishful thinker and that soon enough, I'll be long gone from this phase.
And when I defend my standings, I get thrown back with a sympathetic expression and those I-know-something-you-don't-know-smile, "yeah...We'll see".
I've identified the cause to these never-ending wanders of mine. Everything else becomes a problem when the very core of your believe does not recognize the meaning to what is right and wrong. When everything is justified as questionable, you're basically doomed.
Ofcourse It's easier to believe! Ofcourse!
They are starting to notice that I think everything is an illusion. And as i laugh along with the humour of that perception, I can't help but overhear the voices of worry inside.
This is my battle to deal with perhaps, and as long as I can distinguish the differences and hold up this way of life, I'll be okay.

I hope your Happy..

..because after all, that IS the point,right? You choose to be alone in order to obtain ultimate freedom in making uncompromisable decisions. To have the liberty to decide solely based on the self, without having to worry about emotions tied to the other. Our supposed prime time is NOW, and if we don't make it happen while we're capable of it, we'd have to wait on something so ambiguous that may end before u even know it.
The sacrifice made is kept inside guided by this mentality that 'its for the better'. Really. And eventually you evolve according to those thoughts and just, make it work. That's our ability to survive, and more importantly, to progress.
So don't wait around for the 'what ifs' that makes it all blurry and just move forward. Any second you develop a sense of doubt, you make sure you run faster to that direction, with all your might and will.
And if you crash,
you'd probably tumble back down between laughter and tears. You decide what it should mean to you.
In the end of the day, a choice you had to make is all you ever have to deal with. Everything after should be a follow up until you reach another junction that requires another judgment from you.

Lately Felt Alived

Made yet another trip down to the East Coast.Never knew that Kuantan had its hidden beauty, until someone revealed the secret.Its always liberating when you start an early morning journey accompanied by the sun rising skies. Who would have thought that it only takes a 3 hour drive to a more laid-back serene environment which makes you question the congestion encountered in the city.

The unexpected trip to Yogyakarta was an unusual eye-opener. It was a good idea in the beginning to set aside all potential expectations to create an open heart. True enough, the city had brought a reminder to the existence of minority communities that live far beyond what we imagine. We take a step back into what we use to remember of simplicity. The opportunity to come in terms with other beings who strive for their passion brings inspiration to our believes. Our world here is way too small to conclude its sufficiency in our understandings. There's just no reason to why a person should say 'no' to the invites into the best things in life that we tend to forget.
A fragment of time can mean more than a full-length eternity. Experiences that demand re-occurrences.
IT is true that the camera plays a tiny role in preserving these memories. After a while it fades into a blurry state of mind. And because of that, we begin yet another mission of achieving a different version of history.

To-do Lists

So,I finally sat myself down for a good few hours to calculate what I need before graduation. And when I finally concluded the choice of subjects, my online Monash-portal tells me that I 'failed to re-enrol' myself during the designated dates, and that I should 'contact the Faculty' otherwise you can't pursue the following semester.
Err...
Where did I go wrong again?

Floaty Head

It's either I've truly succeeded in living within my own little segregated world, or I'm somehow impersonating some kind of acting roles in my so-called reality. Every now and then you hear these comments about you that brings one of those immediate reactions where you go,"HUHHHH????"
Of course, the first thought that we had trained ourselves to believe is to never be subjected to what others may think of us. In other words, to NOT GIVE A DAMN about people's opinion.
We strive very hard for it, but as hard as we try,we know we can't run away from it. This is my theory:So long as I myself have judgements and opinions, I am willing to accept the fact that every other human probably does as well. But this 'acceptance' does not necessarily mean the act of being affected by those opinions. It's really the question of whether you agree/disagree with those ideas, in which it then becomes something you want to negotiated with, by 'choice' really.

It just amazes me how Dad had said,"you're kinda like racist,you only stick to certain kind of people".
I swear,there and then my entire thinking system went *blank*.
I responded by saying it is absolutely not true.But, I'm so glad I didn't get too defensive.Instead, the thought chuckled me a bit.Because I know myself better than that.I completely understood the various perceptions in which his ideas were coming from. But I just didn't see the point of justifying myself,to the point that he would abolish those perceptions. I'm really not planning to 'correct' it.
In the end of the day, how far would you go to defend the self in this world of judgements?

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

Al Jazeera English - Americas - Cocaine discovered in frozen sharks

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Those poor innocent sharks!!!
not only are they murdered but kept frozen to store those goodies?Imagine the desperation in this profit-making-drug-industry to the point of extreme creativity?I mean,I would never imagine to use like dead animals to transport these candies abroad.Seriously,are we humans supporting this market that's maintaining the demand of these goods?
Our addictions are perpetuating the lives of these animals.Private airplanes like in the movie 'Blow' doesn't work anymore, these drug dealers have to come up with bigger ideas.No judgement here for their choice of occupation but seriously, there should at least be ethics in their smuggling techniques.Forget the ethics of selling these snorty powder because its really the choice of people in their consumer habits.
My theory is,Why blame the supply when you,yourself initiate the demand?
So screw you humans, but instead, don't bloody use animals to support your materialistic needs!
*annoyed*
In the end,the table gets turned around again and we humans would be the one suffering the outcome of these unreasonable killings .All those sea-lovers out there will see less of these creatures,what more the sea-lovers of the future?
i don't know man...there should be enough space in this universe for people to fulfill their desires,without the killing of lives.

Dearest Karma,

I may have repetitively express my disagreements on your existence, but I'd really like to make a special request for this one time event. You see,its my procrastination that has been getting in the way. Its exams month and though the first paper is on the way, I have successfully found myself engaging in a range of other activities that was perceived to be more beneficial than studying. I may be on my way into jinxing my so-called 'luck'. Once again dear Luck, I may not believe in you, but I just felt like talking to you tonight about the exams on Tuesday. I know I've pushed my limit into the last day, and have probably never done this in my life but this time round. Though I very much favour the excuse of emotional and mental breakdowns, I can;t deny that I'm still out there living my days as though I'm normal. I spoke to a couple of mates about this issue, and apparently they pulled through fine.
With that, I know by tomorrow I would have no choice but to start studying. So, tonight I'll sleep in early and hope that by the early morning tomorrow, I will magically wake up and automatically get into the study mode.
If this plan shall fail, I hope you make this one time exception by not entering into this phase of my life. Please go find someone else to play with and I'll promise to buck up eventually.
Thanks!

Funny feeling

Not the laughing kind,really.
its an odd feeling that twitching in my body and i want nothing more than for it to go away as soon as possible. I guess i just have to wait and let it pass,just like everything else. Find all these distractions and to-do's to fill up these spaces,and hopefully change it into better feelings.

Its never enough.

It seems no matter how much u travel, the satisfaction is merely momentary. Its so contradictory to how I find peace in the furthest parts away from my comfort zone. And then there are those many times, when I find so much security just staying stagnant here in this little world.

All these beauty I've seen and not have the words to repaint the picture seem to kill me in some ways. why is there a need to share these experiences? Collectively,these encountered moments assist us in these so-called enlightened route. But,there are far too many routes to choose from and then,you just end up taking whatever that comes along.

We imagine ourselves to move with the consequences of every action taken and call it, "going with the flow". maybe we just hate to tie down our options eve when we find one. maybe we love the infinite possibilities out there, that we rather stay lost. We whine about confusion without realizing that we crave for it in the beginning.

We find serenity only to break it for more wearies.
Funny beings we are, especially when we summarize these thoughts and say, "that's just life,right?"
ever so simplified, ever so complex.

*snapping*out*of*it*

Byron bay was magical, even without the good words they had put into that place, I'm pretty sure i would have felt the same vibe as I had. I found a way to believe that there's magic in some places in this world. What was amazing was that, after walking around the town the entire day.I grabbed a bunch of brochures and one particular booklet, which was labeled 'Rusty Byron Bay' (or something like that). There's also pieces about that place that had brought memories of Key west.

After I got back to Coolangatta, i read the booklet,and was so amazed to find a couple of articles in there,written by some of those people who had lived in Byron since they first set their foot there. believe it or not, they crafted words that had described the feeling i had when i was there.

I don't know if its a coincidence, but there's definitely got to be something special there. Because not only in those booklet,but compared to the other description of tourist spots, something similar was always mentioned about that place.
maybe i'm delusional.
maybe it's merely a universal language in the surfer world.
maybe its the hippie-ness that spoke the same emotions.
may.be.

Medicate me

..for my inability to maintain focus.
..for my constant ability to digress.
i wish i could just go to the pharmacy and find some pills labeled "assignment dilemma".
and just swallow it and then magically type out all these words.
it's a form of sickness,
*grin*
so why not, riggghhhttttt?

May Tiga Belas

Recently got interviewed about May 13.
Such a happy picture.Don't ask why.
hehe.

clickity-click

I meant a lot of the things I said in there,probably just worded differently. It's pretty interesting to see what this generation has to say about the 'forgotten-incident'. :)

"toleration is over-rated, let's celebrate differences"

Cloud 9

You just got to love morning-sunrise flights,right?On a recent flight to Kota Bharu, I was absolutely amazed by the view of clouds, as the sun was rising. It was like a layer of white-cotton hovering over the mountains. I could almostt....make a plunge for it. (though i know that the outcome will not be like our favourite-bouncy Care Bears, I'll probably just fall to my death)

ANYWAY, i want to share these pictures.....
..as the plane moved its way up higher,i couldnt help but poke my head close to the windows to spot a blanket of clouds far ahead.
..true enough, we got so close, it was so beautifulll.....untuk melihat"awan berkepul-kepul"..
*dreams away~*

An Awesome Job?

Pretty similar to that Australia dream job promo lately.Except, this is on a VINEYARD!I checked all the details (and even watched some of the video's by the applicants,hehe). but then I figured that they are only looking for those within the United States.

SO SEDIH, okay.
But come and dream away like how I did:

CLICK

W T F

Was randomly searching online,typed in "work abroad" on Google and found this in my search results:

Working Abroad - Malaysian Babes Forum

u wanna work abroad or just to get away from msia ? if it's the 2nd option, then register urself to the 'marry msian girls' website lor... they will help u ...
www.malaysianbabes.net/forum/Working-Abroad-t2062.html - 128k - Cached - Similar pages -


seriously?

snuggled up the pillows.

it gets easy when you find those comfort spots where you lay safe and sound.
regardless whether its relied upon the presence of others,
or the solitary being.
whichever way seems to work because the body gets used to the situation.
we move accordingly, and feelings are never too much.
everything remains familiar and recognized.
some call it the act of hiding away while some finds it the source of its functionality.
when something new strikes along, we find all these excuses to resist its possibility.
it seems that logic and reason becomes a barrier, a disguised theory to our skepticism.
when did we get so afraid of the natural flow of events,
that we have to warn ourselves ever-so religiously
before we take the next steps?

eventually...

..they walk away..

Mazal Tov

I remember seeing this couple back in Key West and was absolutely amazed by the connection they had with each other.Not only was it crazy,but i could see the sincerity when they locked eyes. She spoke about making a trip down to Asia one day, which left me in awe! And then finally, the crazy couple made it here.I saw pictures of them in India and then they invited me to meet them in Thailand.Unfortunately I was stuck here back then,i regret not meeting them for sure, but at least i knew they were happy..
It's people like this that gives a warm hug to our faith and believes, not necessarily in hopes of being like them. But simply to witness it before your eyes....
I guess I understand why K got emotionally when looking into the pictures, cause i have to admit, amidst my big-smile was a silent tear of joy...

Congratulation Idit and Joshua, you are amazing individuals combined into a beautiful couple~

Strawberry Fields Forever

I don't know if it was the year of fulfilling my wants that had led me to these cross junctions, which look like dead-ends to me. All the mental and emotional preparations regarding the predicted consequences were thought to be executed in the best manner. All the strength trained to be possessed keeps disappearing on me.

I remember being greatly affected by the words of Foucault, even till this very day. And then today i encounter yet another moment, which left a bitter-twitch to my face. when you learn about the mechanisms behind the media that we live with everyday, you can't help but wonder; where should you stand within all of these dominance?

Imagine when MTV's profit hit a billion,they knew that their target market was precisely the youth of today. And when along the years the rating went a little further down, (because it seemed that the viewers felt that it was no longer COOL and hence,were not into their programmings anymore), MTV discovered that in order to keep their viewer's ratings on top, they had to figure out what was cool/not cool within the youths of today. Market researchers make extensive studies in determining what these kids actually like or don't. They needed to grasp onto the trends that followed their lifestyles.

It disgust me that the richest of the world are generating their income through the masses. Sure, you can argue that its a form of choice,that people have the liberty of choosing their preference of media materials. But no matter how variable the preferences can get, we will always be serving to the pockets of somebody. Even if you were not just a viewer, contributing to these corporations are merely ways of keeping the system going.
We are functioning their wants, because they claim to function our needs.
Given that our needs can be products of study, where do i place the meaning of my needs?
you can't run away, neither can you be excluded from this entire machine.
you comfort yourself, saying that its okay, as long as I live my life in a way that its meaningful through my understandings..

I remember a friend saying this during the screening of 'Running' at the Annexe, that "it's just easier to pretend that it's not there, to just ignore what is happening".

and then you know what The Beatles sang? "Living is easy with eyes closed"....

Temporary Endings

..because sometimes its just easier to put an end to these processes you endure,when you never really fully understood the reasoning behind them in the first place.
Its common to be trained into these routines that will eventually lead you to a point where you just want to 'break-free'.
The need for 'escape' only comes around the moment you find yourself so deeply absorb within the world of fulfillment.

..because somehow,when i observe the patterns of my thoughts, the depth is most prominent during times of responsibilities.

..this song.

Another night
Wonder what is happening
I see inside
Everything's nonsensecal

And we hang from wires of different sizes
Irresponsibly
When we cut the lines
It hurts us more and more

It never happens
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Until you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

This love like glass
Sloding on another pain
I let it pass
To return again and again

Yeah it's never wasted energy
I's all transferrable
We can burn inside
'Till we can breathe again

It doesn't happen
The way you want
Let it happen
We can fall

Try to delay this condition
Untill you, define your state of permission
Don't suffer for every conviction
You've got to, defy your state of permission

for those who bothers to listen:
shinichi osawa~state of permission.

Uh-oh.

-I'm Starting to feel the challenge rise by the day.
-Being a dreamer is costly.
-i should stop dreaming.
-everyday,im more certain about my forest plan.
-key words:village.farm
-money is damn evil
-i need to be more smarter?more creative?
-random note:malaysia airlines is disappointing

A Visitor

I was in my room on a fairly normal Sunday evening when i heard the shrieks of the ladies in the house.
"there it is,there it is!!",they yelled.
"its going up!its headed there..!" they continued.
And So,curious ol' me decided to take a peek out of my window just to see what the fuss was all about.And then i saw it.I glanced to the left side to see a grey-ish slim-fluffy-long-thing that lingered around the grill.
My eyes followed the fluffy trail,only to discover a almost-human-like face staring back and me.
I was stunned for a moment and took a mini-leap backwards.
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS A MONKEY DOING OUTSIDE MY BALCONY?
To join in the fuss, I barged out the room and bellowed,"THE MONKEY IS HERE!OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!"
After which the family made their way upstairs into my room.
While i was waiting for their arrival,i stared intently into the monkeys eyes.Perhaps it was the fact that the monkey had appeared out of no-where that i felt shivers down my spine.I couldn't help but ponder on the possibility of it attacking me,while I'm asleep.
When i looked below the monkey's body,i noticed a waist-band tied around its body.
"So it belongs to somebody",i thought to myself.
The monkey didn't take it eyes off me.I froze,while it started crawling nearer.So close,up until its face was almost pressing onto the glass.
"Hm mmmmmmmmmmmmm...",i thought.
Finally,the gang was all up in my room,and so i switched on the lights outside,which then made a clearer view of the monkey.
(And also,a private part of my room which was rather embarrassing because everyone just stood there,staring into the monkey when my 'secret' object was left there,EXPOSED!!)
ANYHOW,
It was fairly well-taken care of,we thought.I mean,I've never seen a 'dirty' monkey before,but this one sure looked clean.or rather,groomed?
The monkey remained in its position as though it was exhibiting itself under the lights,while we,the spectators continued staring.
After a while,i got bored and said,"maybe if u just switch off the lights and close the curtain,it would eventually go away".
And so we did,and within minutes,it was gone.
It got me thinking,where on earth this this lost-monkey appeared from?Despite the panic that struck the family,i was pretty sure i could see the fear in the monkey's eyes as well.
I mean sure,the human side reacts only by assuming like every other non-human creatures,there's a chance that the monkey might attack.
But then,damn!If i was the monkey,I'd be shitting all over in fear to see all these weird-like faces gawking into my direction.
Safe journey to you,monkey!

7am

..and my eyes flipped open.
those thoughts have somehow found their way back into my head.
how do i always end up at this point,where my brain is constantly seeking for resolutions.
built upon fragile theories that conclude repetitive solutions.
i learned to forget these thoughts only because they left me no-where.

A Tribute..

..to the life left behind. 'Paradise' that was not just bounded by a never-ending beauty;the package came with a lifestyle that re-defined my understanding of f r e e d o m. I never gotten around to writing a story about Key West,really because I can't decide where the starting or ending should be. The multiple stories it carries breaks the structure of a complete story. There's just too many details I don't want to leave out because it's those mini tales that shapes the entire experience.

Those walls.

Once again, it's concluded that those walls were necessary after all. Those who peeked through the tiny cracks seem to have saw something. Something that they had wanted to obtain. something that grew on their desires.
Little did they know that the shining light that caught their attention was only to lead them to an ultimate disaster. It was poisonous and harmful in there. Secrets meant to be hidden, Truth(s) better off disclosed. Had they not realize that the great walls were built for a cause?
Would it have made a difference if precautions had existed in the first place?Perhaps a warning sign should have been posted up along the trails that had led them closer to the wall. One that said,

"Turn around.Do not come any closer.Danger."

Would they have obeyed, anyway?
Those walls were built for a reason. Because if they had crumbled down, the supposed 'shining' light would pierce through your entire being. And then, YOU would just crumble and fall.

Momentous indeed.How Ironic.

Port Dickson.

Smoked.
Smoked it.all.away.

The water danced away along with the continuous breeze, resulting to a shimmering light-fest upon the surface of the sea. All four of them sat and stood motionless, gazing into the same beauty, yet drifted away into their respective thoughts. It was as if the sky was calling out for respect, and the gazers did not have to think twice before they allowed the silence. Everything that had mattered within minutes ago had easily vanished and disappeared into the air.

Perhaps the issues were never really important in the first place.

Perhaps the evolving sun and clouds within the sky had bought their attention.

Time was kept in a vacuum as they waited for the swirling clouds to form shapes, that would force them to memorize the beauty of the moment. A free-willing force, of course. And then suddenly, they united their presence by generating a mutual feeling they had found and felt..

It was non-other than peace and serenity.

anticipating the fall

The past 24 hours had been rumbling through, somewhat unease. The supposed sleeping hours were spent awake, tied down with eyes wide open on the bed.
Ray Lamontagne tried to serenade me to my other world but instead, i stayed in his world and listened to his words.
Nobody really understood the reasons behind the paranoia but rather questioned, "what's there to be nervous about?"
and i guess i didn't seem to know the right words to answer their queries.

Surely enough, the gut feelings proved right. Driving my way back onto that familiar LDP highway, i blasted Dj sasha's beats to avoid any possibility of a weak emotion.
but somehow,my thoughts managed to move its way vigorously along with the bass.
Parked the car in a non-familiar spot only to avoid recurrences.
walked onto a different path only to avoid flashbacks.
Stepped into a lecture hall almost empty, which was comforting.

"..blah,blah...why should media audiences matter?...audiences no longer passive but rather active blah ..blah..blah.."

space.
spaced.
spaced out.

Left the already-filled up hall to arrive to a busy cafeteria. To the crowded spots of unknown faces and conversations i couldn't comprehend with.

Walk.
walked.
walked away.

Took the lift up to the 6th floor, pathetically hoping to see a couple of faces I wanted to see. but They were not there.
and when that one face spotted me and said, "hello", with her almost-suprised tone. I waited for the wave of comfort to splash over me.
and it didn't. i looked into her face like how i use to, only to realize a familiarity that was no longer there.

Took the lift back down and fumbled for my parking ticket and car keys. Kept my feet walking to bring myself further away from the groups of people.

people moving here and there.loners heads-down with their headphones.girlies giggling with their high-heels.nerdies rushing-away with their heavy books.boys trying-hard with their 'cool-poses'.
continuous passerby headed for particular directions.

were they running away too?

Eventually bumped into familiar faces but was suprised with news, that drew the finale.
got into the car,sweating more than usual. Drove away with dj Sasha blasting away again.

It didn't work this time. The reason came through and then it cracked open.

..breaking every strength that had held on in the past hours.

just broke.

clogged.

Having 3 notepads and 'saved drafts' doesn't help when you seem to have stories to tell,but only a handful of words to spare. Somebody should invent this machine that detects the traces of our thoughts into this monitor,where it transforms them into something visualized.
So that I can look at it from a distance and say things like,
"Ohhhh........so thats what i was thinking about during that time, when i was sipping on to my coffee"
"mhhmmm,so thats what was running through my head while I was brainstorming ideas for the bowling tournament".
"RIGHHTTT, that was that other thing that was at the back of my head when I driving back home in the traffic crawl".

Kinda like how somebody should really get going with that whole time-machine thing.

somebody.

A stage and an audience

Whenever you attend a theatre or musical performance, ever took a good few seconds to glance away from the stage to take notice of the audience?If you take a few steps back to look at the image of your very own-self amongst the crowd, as they gaze intently on to the performers ---what do u discover?
After having spent a pleasant Sunday evening at The Actors Studio for a string of live acoustic performance by our lovely local-musicians, (forget the fact i walked in late.grin) i was absolutely amazed by what I saw within the crowd. Not only were they supportive but they were somehow emotionally attached to the music. I gazed into their faces hoping to understand what they're expressions held. Several had their eyes closed with a tiny smile, while some had their eyes locked on-bodies unmoved. Some were swaying to the melody,while others had they feet tapping to the beats. Observing their body language somehow told me mini stories of what the person had in their minds. Through assumption,of course. I remember noticing this one guy, who had his head laid back-eyes closed - just smiling to himself as Izzy was playing her tune.
It times like these i wish i could read minds to justify the stories i made up in my head about them.
Alot of times we forget that besides the limelight that shines upon the stage, there's just so much going on within the viewers as well. And its elements like this that drives my love for live performances - to appreciate how people just become united for this one moment to share their mutual passion.. :)

Sunset Tales

Oi amiga, do u remember our random boat ride out to the sea?

It was truly beautiful, to be sailing straight into the sunset.

I remember the sound of those sincere laughter, accompanied by the icy-cold beer in our hands. It didn't matter that we didn't know our directions, all that made sense was everything that we saw before our eyes..

and i guess..that was more than enough..

NYC Subway Blues

I just rediscovered this video, which was taken when i was waiting for my train on 59th street.
What struck me there and then?
it was all the people and their movements that was going on.
I wondered, did anybody notice that man who struck those amazing tunes that echoed through the tunnel? the sound was just bouncing off and on those underground walls, was it not good enough for everyone to just pause for a good second to listen?

Melodies

the power of sound.

vibrations.

frequency.

and how it travels through our body, in ways that we can't see through the naked eye.yet, still be able to witness the effects and then know its ever so true.

and All merely through what we feel.

these great movies we have watched, and had been touched ever so deep.would they have brought upon the same results without our hearing?

all these visionary pieces we lock our eyes on. in which we understand through words and vocabulary that we have come in terms with. that we have agreed to what it should and should not mean.
how different would they be if it had missed out that one part of sound? the part in which we associate ourselves with yet never ever knowing what the relationship really is.

is it there to compliment the many parts of us that apparently exist,yet proven not through words or images? but somehow,through these sensations that are not physically proven to be there,yet ever so REAL?

i'm wishing to have this crazy ability to just take a pencil and let these vibrations pencil itself away onto a big,empty canvas. only to take several steps back to see the larger picture. of what they connections may or may not be. or how these hidden mechanisms work its way into our daily systems.

haha, O-KAY....i blame Sundays for passing the green light to drift further away into another world.

Access to Virtual-world denied.

There's just too much to look-out for when u live in a city...Why is it that all these expectations that we strive for become so meaningless on some days?

I'm thinking,time is ticking by the seconds as my fingers tap on to each letter tab.
god forbid these great movies made.
i truly respect these people who drew up stories that had attracted our largest sense of empathy.
Mr. Benjamin button would say, 'nothing is eternal'.
the idea of time and how it moves towards one way of progress as to how we understand it. what were to happen if this 'progress' had been re-arranged in a way that we had never really been in term with?
should that be a depressing thought or a gratitude to the art of change.
I'm imagining..
life to be evaluated not through the change of physicality that comes with time,
but rather through the amount of experiences and moments we gather,
that eventually defines who we are.
that answers the reason to where we stand.
if civilisation had not been educating us of these 'ways of living', would turning a year older be yet another day of Hanukkah or Christmas?
i wonder,
would our deepest kept worries of physical deterioration still be an issue?

4 February

One year ago...

On an open balcony along a little room on Green St, a group of people of various background came together to celebrate..

I remember thinking that my birthday really shouldn't matter,because it really should be just another day. However the turn-out said otherwise, I was granted the company of people who cared. Or at least who wanted me to know that it did matter.

Was it the suprising visits of random people?Or the presence of these special street-boys that had the ukulele strumming all night?I remember,taking a step back to have an overview of what was before my eyes. It was these people, who walked into my life. Their relevance were not necessarily measured through the time span that we knew each other.It was merely ...the moment,that had brought everybody together. I guess there and then,it made sense for everybody to be where they were.

..and then One Year Later..
on a regular weekday, in a classy lounge along the streets of Kuala Lumpur..

I was taken by suprise again.

and had been Given the privilege of being celebrated by people who had already walked into my life for a fair amount of time. And once again,I stepped back and saw another moment. Far different from what it had been, of time,place, and people.

Yet, it had brought a smile to my face.

I am grateful to be surrounded by the 'good people' that come and go..This, I will never forget.

Random 25

devirgined.
First tag respond~thanks to them who shared..
Joanne lee's bungee jump desires (i believe that u will do it one day-its GREAT), NH's theory about stripping naked when spooked out (BAHAHAHA) and Farah Rani's belief in meeting her dream-guy in bookstores(didn't work out for me,hope it does for u).

Funny enough, I actually wanted to know what these random 25 facts/goals were.

1)I have some real dark secrets.Some of which will follow me to my death-bed.
2)I am attracted to water.Every now and then i need to be associated with the pool,sea,pond,waterfall,what-have-yous, to avoid insanity.
3)I like analysing every breath i take when I'm surrounded by nature.
4)I question EVERYTHING.
5)Sometimes i feel like i don't know who I am.
6)Alot of times people assume that 'we get along', but truth is, i simply adapt very well.
7)i don't really know to perform angry reactions.
8)Every time i flush the 'squat-toilet-bowl', I leap off and move far away before the water flushes.it makes me nervous,those flushes.haha
9)I don't really know how to pray.
10)I don't like asking for help.
11)I'm always searching for something that i don't know of.
12)I lived 10 months far away from home, the way I wanted to live.I never felt more alive in my entire existence.
13)I stare and observe alot to understand people's feeling.
14)I have music collections that make me shiver. I enjoy music orgasms.
15)I try to find a melody to fit in EVERY moment encountered.(as much as i can anyway)
16)I get fat easily.
17)I am passionate.I would go the distance to get what i want.
18)Europe is my next destination.
19)i write messages to myself and stick them all over my room.
20)I saw some of the most amazing places in the world.i wish everyday to share my stories with somebody.
21)I'm a walking day-dreamer.I space out really well.
22)Being in high-up places makes me feel stronger.
23)I use to believe that i had magic powers.and i would stare into objects to see if i can move them with my mind.haha.i think i still belief in it today.
24)Every now and then i go MIA. i think i live in a couple of different worlds.
25)I don't really like to talk about myself :)

hmmm.

Mi Casa

A couple of evenings ago, I raced downstairs to my mini-backyard.Only because orange'y-shady lights kept peeking through my room's curtain.
As If it was trying to tell me, "hey, stop and look at me"..
and so I did.

The Unconcious Moon Sign?

So apparently the conscious astrology sign we ever so often pay attention to is the Sun sign. Yabby and I were discussing the relevance of our 'unconcious' side that depicts the way we tend to handle our lives- The moon sign. click.

cheryl yab says (2:00 PM):
DEFINITELY CANCER
cheryl yab says (2:00 PM):
YOU READ AND YOU WILL KNOWWWWW

and so,i Read:

MOON IN CANCER

Your personality is very similar to a person whose Moon is in Taurus. You are both great fans of relaxation and satisfaction. However you are different in that you lack either the stability or stubbornness of Taurus, (unless your Sun or Ascendant is in fact Taurus!) Your personality is rather supple and flexible. You are quite emotional. Your surroundings play a large role in your mood. When you are at home, or somewhere comfortable, you can be quite sociable, friendly and charitable. However when your environment tends to be less comforting, you tend to hide yourself. You are conservative in nature. You may be close to your family, your mother in particular. You may be strongly attached to her, and may bear a strong resemblance to her with regards to your personality. Unless the Sun was in Leo, Aries or Sagittarius (these Signs are noted for their independence) when you were born, taking advice from others and following through on others plans will bring you good luck. You are very perceptive about others feelings. This makes you a good actor or mimic. This sensitivity also may be an indication of psychic abilities. You are strongly attracted to water, whether you are aware of it or not. You may live or vacation near large bodies of water, and may enjoy travelling by ship.

I don't believe in justifying my life with these 'predictions' of people personalities. But who thought about them in the first place, how do we ever know its True,Truth?
I balled down to the idea that perhaps we will never know, but its still very much relevant to most people's life. Because you find these words that 'strike' you. That you can somehow relate to. In the end of the day, its all a choice,once again. You choose what makes sense to you, and filter the parts that don't mean anything.

*back to work. *grin*

Favourite Section..

..of the 24 hour cycle would have to be around 5-ish pm, when the sun is laying lower into the sky..Especially on the days you go home from work,amidst the unavoidable KL traffic crawl. I can't help but be so drawn to the colours in the sky. the sun hides itself in between the layers of puffy white clouds and geometrical buildings .I squint my eyes to stare into the sun for the longest I can take before the white spots appear.
"It's so pretty, I need to absorb everything".
and then, The clouds somehow form 3-dimensional images that I only see in my dreams.

I am driving accompanied by music selections that vibrates at the right momentum through my entire body. All the congestion before my eyes eventually fades away into another dimension, as I willingly float away into a different zone. Driving my way into the direction where my agendas have assigned me to. Moving to where I'm 'suppose' to Be.
The sky is with me wherever I go, and so, 'it's okay'.

I'm thinking..

Sept,08- Last flight home.

do you remember that time?
When your eyes were laid
on the most unimaginable sight
you had ever imagine?
All you could feel
was this desperation,
a cry for answers.
"could this really be true?"
Left so frozen inside,
to just hold,
the self from exploding.
A feeling so great,
you learned,
a new way to being alive.
All you can see,
is but a dream,
of silent breaths,
When all your knowledge
of 'truth'
had been reborn
into revelations.
You open new doors
to the world of possibilities,
you think to yourself,
"so this was why
this life was worth living for".
only for those
meaningless days to wear off,
to granting reasons
to stay alive.
It melts away
your illusionary walls,
masks we wear every day.
Only to be so distant,
yet so close to 'home'.
of undying serenity,
uplifting you sky high..

Moments.

The magical Guarda de Embau. Held the strangest yet strongest energy, especially during winter, because the little village was almost empty.Somehow, it was The emptiness that had made the difference."It was there and then, I stopped breathing and felt 'home' "

Grateful.

To have been surrounded by musicians on various occasions.

Those chord-like voices, those delicate guitar strums.

those beating-drum momentums, those dancing-fingers on piano.

How you use your physicality as a vehicle to your inner-self.

to share a story through vibrations.

Its always an honour to be acquainted with individuals that has the soul for music.

To my friends who has the gift of crafting melodies,I salute you.

And thank you for sharing those musical moments with me.

Bem vindo 2009~

After reminiscing with 08',we agreed that last year was one of the best year for one to not forget.
Who would have thought that greatness in life are nothing but within your hands and would appear when least expected.
"Freedom" became a whole new terminology I came in terms with.
To free yourself from restraining thoughts is to move forward into new beginnings.
Free yourself from ideas that were never really true in the first place.
Up until experiences came by and told you what it should truly feel like.
And then we learn.
we learned.

only to re-pack our baggages by throwing out the unnecessary and stuffing in our fresh needs.
To game ourself for yet another venture into the unknown.
so, We bid farewell to one another, I kindly welcomed 09's as it made its way through the red carpet laid out. Whatever you may bring,I'm ready to do my part in living by the days.
To strive for more moments to savour into my little memory box.